Episode 5: Turning Teenagers into Budget Masters: Tips for Raising Financially Empowered Kids

Embark on a journey with Yohanna, our budget and business savvy guest from the golden shores of West Palm Beach. Listen as she unfolds her personal evolution from the world of banking and finance to education. Follow along as Yohanna describes the intertwined challenges of parenting adolescents on the brink of adulthood. This episode peels back the curtain on financial literacy for our young, mapping out the necessity of budgeting and the profound impact that saving can have on their futures. We're not just talking pocket money here; we're getting into the nitty-gritty of helping young teens understand the balancing act between work, car payments, credit card bills, and the invaluable lesson of understanding the true worth of a dollar.

As we wade through the waters of economic reality, we tackle the art of stretching the family wardrobe with the age-old wisdom of hand-me-downs and the entrepreneurial spirit of turning garage sales into lessons in value. Listen as parents discuss the strategies for navigating the ever-shifting landscape of children's growth—both in size and in financial savvy. The tapestry of our lives is woven with threads of family support and resourcefulness, and we share heartwarming tales from the front lines of behavior therapy, where personal fulfillment often trumps professional demands.

Closing the loop on this enlightening exchange, we touch upon the delicate balance between work and personal life, and how our choices in the former can ripple through the latter. YoHanna's story is a testament to the courage in career shifts and the beauty of being present for those moments that truly count. It's an episode that celebrates the victories of shaping young minds to appreciate their possessions, to instill a robust financial foundation, and to ultimately thrive as they step out into the world on their own. Join us for an episode brimming with practical wisdom and the heartfelt experiences of parents just like you, all navigating the vast oceans of raising the next generation.

⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Parenting and the Transition to Adulthood
11:09 - Teaching Financial Responsibility to Children
24:11 -Teaching Money Management to Children
37:56 -Teaching Kids Financial Responsibility
44:32 -Maximizing Clothing Resources Through Family Support
54:10 - Balancing Work and Personal Life
1:05:00 - Issues Faced by a Behavior Therapist

A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity Behavioral Alliance, your number one source for behavior change. Fidelity Behavioral Alliance creates behavior change programs for schools, parents and organizations looking to reduce problem behaviors and improve performance outcomes. Find out more at wwwfidelitybehavioralalliancecom. If you would like to sponsor an episode of FSM, email us at shitmomatgmailcom. That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M at gmailcom. It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready for another episode of For Shitty Moms. Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of FSM For Shitty Moms. This is your behavior change podcast. I'm your host, Delora, and today I have a special guest coming from West Palm Beach, Florida. We have YoHana. I'm going to let her introduce herself to the audience and then we'll jump into the interview.

Speaker 2: 1:19

Alright, my name is YoHana and I am a wife and a mother of two. The best thing I can tell you is I love watching movies and I'm here for you. Delora, Tell me.

Speaker 1: 1:31

Okay, awesome. Thank you so much for joining us today. Usually I give the interview questions out to my interviewees, like earlier, and give them an opportunity to kind of look over to see what kind of questions we're going to ask. But I didn't do that today because I wanted to try something new, to see how the conversation flows a little bit and where it takes us.

Speaker 2: 1:59

So she's trying to new on me.

Speaker 1: 2:02

Challenge accepted. So yeah, I just want to. So you've already introduced yourself. I usually ask our guests to kind of tell me their name, their age, where you're from, your family size and your marital status. So you tell us most of it, but let's go ahead and go through your age and your marital status.

Speaker 2: 2:28

I am 40 years old and I am married, Okay and I've been married with 20, it's gonna be 20 years this year.

Speaker 1: 2:36

Oh, wow, I didn't know that. 20 years, that's huge. Okay, congratulations. So you have a lot of experience to kind of share with us. I'm glad to hear that, and you're a mom of two, so we get that perspective as well, which I'm interested to hear about, and I do have a lot of questions. So tell us about your current occupation, tell us what you do and how has that impacted your life as a mom?

Speaker 2: 3:10

I switched career careers after 13 years of banking, so now I'm an admin assistant at an elementary school and the impact that they had was I was able to share more moments with my children, because in banking, even though it was nine to five, the hours didn't feel nine to five, but this actually feels more nine to five in the home to enjoy my children. But they're not children anymore.

Speaker 1: 3:37

How old are?

Speaker 2: 3:38

they. So my oldest is going well. He's 20. And my youngest just turned 18. He's a senior in high school, so he graduates this year.

Speaker 1: 3:50

Oh, I didn't know, that I don't know, I follow you on social media and they seem so small to me I had no clue.

Speaker 2: 3:57

Okay, I thought you were going to say like oh, middle school, high school. Okay.

Speaker 1: 4:02

Oh, all right. So you're about to enter in that next phase. Like empty nester, they're going to start doing their own thing and and branching out on their own pretty soon.

Speaker 2: 4:13

So how do I want that? But I don't think that that's going to happen with the economy, that you don't make it quite affordable for these young adults to become young adults. So I'm pretty sure they'll be partaking in the each set of my rooms that I have in my home for quite some time.

Speaker 1: 4:30

But you know, that's funny that you bring that up, because I feel like when we were coming up, that was like the plan you, you turn 18, you go to school or you move out, you get a job and you kind of figure it out on your own. But I feel like our generation kind of realized like, whoa, you gotta just throw us out there, like it would have been nice to have more of a support system or, you know, a little more of a safety net. So that's awesome, that you kind of have you talked to them about it to see what their plans are, or have you just told them like, hey, no, rush do was best for you. You always have a place to stay. What does that look like right now? Well, what?

Speaker 2: 5:19

I told them was. I let them made the decision by asking them to research an apartment and I gave them pretty much how much it would cost for electricity, water, cable, some life amenities you know their personal items and I told them to look at their paycheck and see if they can afford to live on their own. By the time they finished doing that, they realized we need to make more money. And I say, well, at this point I'm trying to figure out how were you going to do that if? Because my kids Well, my youngest is still in high school, so he, when he graduate, we'll see how that looks. But my oldest is more on the line of oh, how does that look? What should I do? What kind of career path? Because he's been in a restaurant business for some time, so he's looking at what his income can do for a livelihood and we'll see what he comes up with. You know he's still filling that out.

Speaker 1: 6:18

Oh, that's awesome. So you put that banker's hat on like, All right, let's. Let's look at the budget.

Speaker 2: 6:23

Yeah, let's look at see how your credit looking. Let's just do all of that, because I'm at the end of the day is like if they can afford to live, we're going to be their safety net for quite some time. So we don't really have that the emptiness stage coming. We just have more of okay. Now let's try and teach them how to be men.

Speaker 1: 6:46

I like that, I like that. I feel like when I was around that age I kind of fast track myself through everything and I think at one point my mom was trying to get me to slow down a little bit like after I graduated from college and I'm like I'm an adult. I remember like I was working up there in Gainesville after I graduated, not immediately after, because it took a while to like find a job. So, when I finally found a job up there, I think I ended up like substitute teaching as like a.

Speaker 1: 7:26

PE teacher and I'm like this is great. You know, up there they have all of these small towns, so you're in the middle of nowhere kind of working. So I think at the time I was making like $11 an hour as a substitute and I just knew I was grown like I got this.

Speaker 2: 7:46

I'm doing this.

Speaker 1: 7:47

Right and she kept like okay, I fixed your room. I think she remodeled like the flooring in my room after I graduated. She bought new furniture and I'm like Mom, I'm not staying here, I'm getting an apartment, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. And she just kind of like okay, off $11 an hour, like okay. So I ended up finding a job down here teaching and it was like, oh, you couldn't tell me anything, like let me get this apartment. But that was in 2000. When did I come back? Like maybe 2011.

Speaker 1: 8:30

So, even then, like the apartment was only 975 for two bedroom to bathroom, right Everything was included, except for I think we had to pay, like the electricity, everything else was included. So you, you really couldn't tell me anything. But as the economy started to change, I'm like, oh, maybe I should have stayed home, like I could have saved, you know, instead of paying bills I could have saved some money and done things a little differently. So you know that's hindsight.

Speaker 1: 9:07

Now and I just kind of kept moving forward. But I was always told like pretty much you, you go to school, don't come back home, Like that was frowned upon.

Speaker 1: 9:18

And I see now that things have shifted and now a lot of parents and a lot of kids are like Okay, I'm going to stay home for some time, which is a good thing. I think a lot of other cultures kind of were ahead of the curve with that and they just, you know, you have the larger families who all live up under one roof. But now I think in our culture is starting to make a little more sense and more people are starting to catch on, so that's good.

Speaker 2: 9:49

I wish that we were told to go to community colleges for the first two years to save money and then go and venture off into a university at some sort, Unless it was a path of you know where. That school was just great in the career path you wanted. But most, most of all, the schools start off with your general studies anyway, they sure do.

Speaker 2: 10:15

So I wish that that was more the conversation for our generation, because you were just speaking of $11 and I'm thinking my first job, I was making $3 and 75 cent an hour.

Speaker 1: 10:27

Oh as a?

Speaker 2: 10:29

yeah, I was a Cart attendant at Wendixie. Okay, so that was $3 and 75 cent. And then I went to Target where it was $6 and I was like cool, yes, because I had just came from three dollars.

Speaker 2: 10:48

And it was $6, and 25 cents, and then you won't even believe it. But I went to banking and they gave me $8.50 and I thought, oh my gosh, I am rolling in dope. And I was there for 13 years not realizing wow, this, this was crap. You know, for a little bit of time, with all the work that you were doing, and my first apartment was $5.25 a month with water and cable included, so it was doable to pay it. But now when you look at it, you can't even find a shoe to live in for $5.25, you know it's not existing.

Speaker 2: 11:32

Yeah, it's really crazy, but at the same time, I think that it's pushing this generation to aim higher. You know what I'm saying? You can't live if you don't aim higher. So I'm okay with that, except for if you're going to keep making everything go up with the economy and only giving a 3% raise on the most jobs. You're just taking what we earn.

Speaker 1: 11:59

Yeah, absolutely. So how do you instill that in your boys? Like to aim higher. I feel like I can only speak from the perspective of a girl or a woman right like ready to get out of her mom's house and kind of just be independent. But, I don't see that with the boys like my son.

Speaker 2: 12:23

Unfortunately, it's all you can do is keep showing them that, well, this is what I've been doing. Every like four to five months I've been given a new bill responsibility. Okay, so you know he has a car, so you pay your car payment and you are not, you're going to also pay your car insurance. So, even though he's under us, he pays his car and his car insurance. Okay, and then the crazy part is I told him to buy all of the, the necessities that we need for the house. So he has about a cleaning supplies. He has to buy all of the.

Speaker 2: 12:59

You know, if the light bulb goes out, he's responsible for things of that nature. So we run out of washing powder or this detergent. We look at him like, well, you know. And so we show him that when you don't keep going, it doesn't just grow out of trees, right, you have to plan for it. So he's responsible for all the maintenance on his car, but for right now, those in his cell phone bill, cell phone bill and anything else that he accrues.

Speaker 2: 13:27

He, I gave him a credit car, or he got the credit car to build credit. Okay, so he's responsible for that credit bill. And I tell them if you don't have the money, then I'm spent because I'm not getting. You know, I'm not benefiting from your spending, so you're going to pay your bills. So we keep giving him and adding on more and more items that he has to be accountable for, because bills come every month and they come fastening your thing. So if we keep giving him that and we've been contemplating on whether or not to give him, like a water bill or something of that nature, that's small, but he, what he don't know is that when he pays it it will go into a savings account. Okay, because we, yeah, because we don't really want the money, we want to learn the responsibility of it.

Speaker 1: 14:15

Right.

Speaker 2: 14:15

So I was like, how are we going to do this? And I was like let's open up another savings account for it and put it in the side, so that way, when he does decide to move out, we want it to give him that pot of cash and say this is what the water bill was, you know, when you paid it every month. The car payment and all that stuff is that's his car, so he has to pay that. But things of the house, we can handle that.

Speaker 1: 14:37

Right.

Speaker 2: 14:37

We just want to show him yeah, like they'll do the water bill do you know, like really nearly spending.

Speaker 1: 14:45

So how is that transition? I feel like I'm trying to teach my son money management. You know, little by little. But right now you give him $5. He thinks he's like balling out of control and is going right that you give him 5, 499 is going to Robux.

Speaker 2: 15:03

So well, did that look like no, okay. So they first got jobs. I never gave allowances. We just was too broke to give an allowance. We did was if you got it, you know, if we had it and you earned it by maybe bringing home good grades, or if you cleaned up your room without asking we. When you went to the store and you picked up something, we took notice of it and said you want that, and then that was something that they brought home. That's what we did when they were younger, because we didn't want them to get used to something coming in their hands every week because it's the expectation to clean your room.

Speaker 2: 15:41

I'm not gonna I don't want to give you money to do something that you're supposed to do, right, um, because at the job you know accountability is everything, but they pay you based on your time there and they're not going to give you more money because you did what you're supposed to do. So I just didn't want to create that atmosphere. But when they got jobs the first, I think, month of paychecks I didn't even tell them, I didn't look at it. Whatever they wanted to do go out, go wild with it, go broke with it I didn't care. It was their first job. They were getting extra money that they could do it. They wanted to do it, it's so. I didn't touch their first month with the check. The second month they had to put away if it was $10, $20, they had to go on the savings account, okay, you know, from away from their paycheck. I didn't go high with them because they weren't used to putting money to the side. I never had to give them money, okay. So I used to tell them, hey, put 20 in the account. And they would get mad at me. Why not? Because I want you to, you know, put 20 and don't touch it. And then every paycheck they just kept putting. And then they found out, I don't need all this money and let me put, let me just take out this and put the rest. And I was like, okay, right.

Speaker 2: 16:58

So, because they realized, well, first they went on a budget and then they realized that everything that they and that's why I did that too, because if you went buck, wow, and got pretty much everything you wanted, by the time you, the money keeps coming in there's nothing to buy, right, yeah? So you were realizing, oh, I got $300 in here, I got $500 in here and it was $800 in here, I'm not using this money. They pushed it to the side. They had bought everything that they, they, they heart desired and then when they wanted to buy something you got the money for yeah, it's in my savings account, go, go for it, because it's your money. Yeah, but they, but they would have never learned that in the beginning.

Speaker 2: 17:38

So now my son he had saved up in one year about five to six grand all on his own. That's awesome, okay, and that's how he got his car. He literally put down some money for his car. He had a little money to go deck it out and I was very proud of him because I didn't ask him to do that. But he realized very easily he didn't have to use all his money, gotcha. So the way how I, like I said, the way how I worked, that was go, wow. But now you still have to put away. Even if they don't want to put away all of it, they have to put it away.

Speaker 2: 18:12

And the way how we got my youngest son to kind of start thinking in the lives of money is my oldest son, carr. He sold it to my younger son. Okay, nice, he has to so, but he still don't own it. Okay, so technically, bj is the lender, so my son has to pay him, he has to pay off the car, and he asked him to give him $50 a month. So he was like, gosh, that's gonna take me a long time. I said, well, you free to pay it off early, you know. But he was like, okay, fine, so he's been paying his brother, the lender, $50 until he gets to 500. And then what's going to happen is and she was like the car's going to my name. I say no, when you, when your cars lend it and you have a payment, it belongs to the company that owns it until you pay it off. I say so when you make your last payment, you can then ask to switch over your title to your name. So he was like.

Speaker 2: 19:17

He's like oh my gosh, I gotta wait till I say, yes, you do. I say you is own borrowed time. I say so anything you do in this car is a responsibility of your brother. And I say so that means that you can't just go willy nilly all around the corner doing what you want to do with it. So I'm teaching them real life with us. And the money is going to his brother because he could have sold it to the dealership for a decent amount of money. But he was like I'll give it to you because it was a own car. So they're doing what they have to do to own their vehicle.

Speaker 2: 19:53

So that's a little way I've been trying to manipulate that situation. Okay, that's like banking.

Speaker 1: 19:59

101. Parenting like banking. Parenting one on one, that's awesome.

Speaker 2: 20:07

So, but no interest. So he's kind of like not losing, but if he's late, though, it goes up $5. Oh, okay, with the payment, he got to pay $5 extra.

Speaker 1: 20:16

That's awesome so now you even have your older son kind of guiding and teaching the young girl, and that's awesome.

Speaker 2: 20:24

Yep, he had his hand out with my money. And then and I told him, I say, you do the same thing. Oh, you know, your credit card company does. They send you a bill. You've got about 14 days to pay it. I say, give them a little reminder, first of the month, don't, don't, don't, don't, forget my 50.

Speaker 1: 20:39

Okay. So that from you guys, from, yeah okay, from you guys asking him like hey, you have.

Speaker 2: 20:49

Oh, what a toilet. When it, when the toiletries is not done and they look at me and my husband keep a stash. We never go out, okay, so when they? Look at all my toilet tissue. What happened? You didn't, you didn't buy.

Speaker 1: 21:03

Oh sorry, yeah, so that's on them, oh, so they're doing the grocery shopping and all that stuff on their own as well.

Speaker 2: 21:10

They only do toilet tissue, cleaning supplies, like I said, light bulbs, they do stuff that pertains to light, the odds and ends, and they don't realize you have to buy. And I'm doing that simply because not only just the ad responsibility, but when you're doing your budget you need to put that in there. Yes, those things exist, you know. And so when they sometimes you like this, this washing pot of like $11. I thought, oh, I Say, but you got to wash your clothes, you go to work, so go ahead and get it. And then he was like, should I get this big one? I he's not. He's thinking about it's his money too short or long? He's like, ah, maybe I should get this powder. And I'm like don't begin, done, that's gonna make our skin. And he's like but it's cheap. And I was like, well, you get that for you, but you get us the all Okay, cuz we got time for that right, you get what you pay for it.

Speaker 1: 22:04

That's another.

Speaker 2: 22:08

Yeah, if your clothes come out messed up, don't, don't buy that cheap stuff.

Speaker 1: 22:12

That's he tried, like couponing or like you know, trying to shop the sales. That kind of thing I have never coupon.

Speaker 2: 22:23

Yeah, I feel a little embarrassed to say that I have never. No, I'll just walk away. Yeah, you have to be.

Speaker 1: 22:39

Aggressive and you have to be consistent once you get into the world of couponing.

Speaker 1: 22:45

I know I did it when I had to buy diapers and formulas and you start to realize okay, I know, is this time of month, this ad is gonna go, like they're gonna run this ad, the manufacturers coupon, like I knew, the Simulac is gonna drop on this date, the main it's gonna drop on this date. If I do it on like this time of the month, then I can double up the manufacturers and the store coupon and, like you know, make your money stretch.

Speaker 2: 23:18

So once you oh my god.

Speaker 1: 23:19

No, I mean I had to. Like you said, I was on a Teacher salary and I always say, like a new teacher salary, teachers today Get way more than like what we were making when I first started, and that was maybe like ten years ago, I think, when I started, before it's like 28, 30. Yeah, it was pretty low. So I would like coupon, because a Little container of Simulac that was like 30 bucks but it'll only last you for like a week.

Speaker 1: 23:50

So I would do like Breastfeeding and then I would do the formula to kind of make it stretch right, because the formula was a little more convenient than breastfeeding around the clock, and I never, got to the point like shout out to those moms who have that like Extra stash of breast milk in the freezer. I never got to that point, so it was always like.

Speaker 1: 24:15

Counting drops of breast milk and like, okay, we got one. I think I had like one or two pouches and was like yes, like I can freeze these two pouches, like that's gonna be going pretty soon. So once that's how I kind of got introduced to Um couponing and, believe it or not, my hotspot was target between like the five percent, I used to be okay, that's like my taxes.

Speaker 1: 24:42

But then starting to double up those manufacturers coupons between target and public, so I know everybody's like, ah, stay away. But if you have your coupons Plus, like the store Sales and the store ads, you can make your dollar stretch. So that's what. I started with my son over the summer, because he was home a lot this summer and I'm like, look, you know, I'm not gonna sit up here looking at you eating up all the snacks, like you know they don't they don't have.

Speaker 1: 25:14

They don't use their school stomach when they're home on vacation. So I'm like that's true. I just went to the grocery store and the snacks are gone already, so I started giving him $40. You got $40 for snacks for the next two weeks After that, after those snacks are gone like you, I'm not giving you a bottle of water if you use everything Before these two weeks are done. And I put him on a two-week Schedule because that's when I got paid, so I would treat it like his payday, like hey, people get paid every two weeks.

Speaker 1: 25:52

So this is what you get from me for your groceries. Here's the sale add. And I would make him circle like what he wanted. And then we just started reading the signs in the store. Look, if you know, when it says 50% off, that means you pay half the price. When it says bogo, that means you can get two for the price of one.

Speaker 1: 26:14

So what are you gonna get, and sometimes, if he really wanted a certain snack, okay fine, but when the money is gone, like it's gone, so I think it happened like a bag of talkies. Like talkies are expense chips are like ridiculous. Now the price of chips.

Speaker 2: 26:32

Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1: 26:33

Yeah, but he loves those talkies. So I think he bought one bag of talkies and it was like oh, I don't have any money, yeah, and you're hungry, right?

Speaker 2: 26:43

I Don't know what to tell you like you he's like mom, it's nothing to eat.

Speaker 1: 26:50

We got to go to the store. With what money? Like it hasn't been two weeks yet, you're $40 are gone.

Speaker 2: 26:58

So then, it was like oh, so then he started.

Speaker 1: 27:01

Well, maybe I should get a bag of chips instead of the individual chips.

Speaker 2: 27:05

Maybe I should get this.

Speaker 1: 27:07

So he's. I've been trying to show him that way because he's like a little snack monster and just want to eat up everything. Okay, Well here's your budget and when the money is gone is gone. So he started like, oh, I got a few dollars, I have seven. One week it was like mom, we have to go to the store is no more snacks, but I have seven dollars left. I'm like, okay, I didn't even bother telling him about taxes, like he's not ready for that part yet.

Speaker 1: 27:35

So I'm like look if you have seven dollars, it's gonna go fast right?

Speaker 2: 27:40

Well, choose wisely.

Speaker 1: 27:44

I totally understand, yeah, so it's like I'm just trying to figure out different ways to show him, but I feel like I'm not that confident in money management myself, so it's almost like I'm learning it and then I'm trying to teach him as we go, because my grandma used to teach me about Managing money and pretty much that management style was like whatever you get, you put half of it away.

Speaker 1: 28:11

So really if you get a hundred dollars, you don't even have a hundred dollars, you have fifty dollars and I did that a lot. But now with juggling like household expenses, I recently I always bought used cars and just paid for them like straightforward. This is my first time having a car payment and I'm like this is too much pressure, like I Don't like it. Yeah, so disrespectful. They just take the money like as soon as I get paid, like I see that anymore Processing like oh, this is just so rude, you don't even let the paycheck like Sydney account.

Speaker 2: 28:55

Yeah, they just, you know they're deducting right away.

Speaker 1: 28:58

So I Said this year my goal was to just Really see where I am financially. That's the first step, because everything else is just overwhelming. So see where I am financially and Set some goals for myself. That was the first part. But as I'm learning it, I don't want my son to start learning this at my age. So now I'm like alright, we're gonna practice Right now with you While you're young, so we can just develop some good habits.

Speaker 1: 29:34

So yeah 30 plus years old, trying to figure it out, like I am, you've just already developed good, good habits already, but he's very headstrong and he's young, but he's very headstrong, so putting away 50%. He is looking at me like, look, I wanted these robux. Like you dip into my robux money, like he's not with it. So I'm like, okay, well, how much? Now it's like well, how much Do you want to put away? So I've been kind of consistent with that. I'll let you pick the number. Like, if you get your allowance, he gets $10 for cleaning out the car.

Speaker 1: 30:19

He gets that's from me. He gets $10 from cleaning out the car my car because he usually is the one to mess it up. So he has to clean the car every week and he'll make $10. Dad is the trash. So if he takes trash out the two days of the week and puts it back in the in the backyard, he gets another $10. So he's already like oh, that by the end of the year that's like a thousand dollars. Yeah, it is, but you have to do it like you have to do it.

Speaker 1: 30:52

So now he's down to like consistently getting about $10, because if we have to remind you, you're not getting it. If we have to help you, you're not getting it. If it becomes a battle to get you to do what you're supposed to do Not happening, you either do it and get the money or you don't. Um so now, whenever he gets money, I just ask how much are you putting away so that way he can? Get used to like. No, you are not getting.

Speaker 1: 31:21

Yeah, you're not getting $10 straight away Is probably like eight dollars or seven dollars, and then you got to work with that. So, and he does have a little Savings account, that the money just kind of goes in that and I don't even want him thinking about it. Don't even think about it. That money is not there.

Speaker 1: 31:41

You know, you'll use it when you need it, but right now he doesn't need it. So that's kind of where we're at with the money and the budgeting. But I like the way you have them taking care of little things around the house that they need, because I feel like with boys they're a little absent-minded a little bit. So I feel like washing clothes. I can tell my son to wash clothes and he will use like a whole Half a bottle of like detergent Trying to wash one load of clothes. So I'm wondering do your kids like pay attention and are they a little more conservative with those things around the house because they have to pay for it, or crazy parties, is that Okay?

Speaker 2: 32:27

so my oldest son, his uniforms he has like five uniforms, uh-huh. So he can kind of like wing it a little bit, you know, and clean at the end of the week. But my younger son uniform, they only gave him one shirt, one shirt, um. And so I was like buy a new one. And he was like I've asked him for a new shirt.

Speaker 2: 32:48

So he literally works four days out of the week and he has to wash his clothes. If you don't wash it, he works at Buds, and Buds, their fast food food, is. The smell is horrific. So when he comes home I would like to the wash machine. If it's not the, but if it's not the wash machine, I have taught them how to hand wash it. I showed them how a little bit of soap go a long way, go a long way too. But he'd be so tired after noon. So I don't want to say he's conservative. I think that he just at that point he just has to do a full load. So he does what he has to do to do a full load. My kids have been doing their own laundry since, I would say, sixth grade.

Speaker 1: 33:32

Oh, wow.

Speaker 2: 33:33

Okay, yeah, because my thing was is they were boys and I was like I didn't know how to wash our clothes. I had them separate, they close and then I would put them in the washing machine. Then they learned very quickly that they didn't want to wash their clothes together because they socks got mixed up. So I ended up they had to rotate the washing machine. So I don't think that they I think they are conservative only because they realized a little bit go a lot of ways and then they don't even use like a full laundry, like they'll say, oh, this is a small stash, so they'll put it on short wash or a small wash. So they're very keen on that. The only thing I dropped the ball with was cooking. I don't I haven't taught them really how to cook for themselves. They can do some things.

Speaker 1: 34:20

Okay.

Speaker 2: 34:22

Like they're. I'm good at breakfast. I hate dinner food. My husband's good at dinner food and they kind of cling to both. So they know how to cook some stuff for breakfast and they know how to cook some stuff for dinner. But if I tell them, put that chicken in the oven, do the rice, they're gonna give me like what? No, that ain't happening. If anything, if I say that my son is gonna put chicken in the oven, it's not gonna be seasoned, and he's gonna go buy rice and he's gonna go buy vegetables and say this is what we have it, and I'm like, okay, no, no problem.

Speaker 1: 34:57

But it sounds like you did a lot, though, with teaching.

Speaker 2: 35:02

I did. I did because I had boys. If it was girls I think I would be even more aggressive. But with boys they're going to eventually have wives and I didn't want their wives to be like peace, I don't know. Should we say profanity? Sure you know, peace of shit men. What a geranium. I didn't want them to do that to my boys.

Speaker 1: 35:30

You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 35:31

So I was like, oh my God, so I just wanted them to know how to do certain things. And I told them to y'all gonna have to live by yourself for a little bit. So I wanted them to know how to clean blinds and make sure they knew how to make a bed and just be clean men. So I did a lot when they were younger. I did, I just did a lot to make sure that they were self-sufficient. I didn't have girls, so I had to find something for them to do and my husband would do whatever he needed to do for them. And that's just what it was. I just didn't. It wasn't no bias, it was just like y'all, my kids, y'all learning. Come on, let's do it.

Speaker 1: 36:15

That's fair. Now, do you think because you shifted careers that allowed you to be more hands on, do you think if you would have continued like the banking career path, you still would have been able to do as much as you've done with them?

Speaker 2: 36:34

I would say no, because mentally I was drained when I got home.

Speaker 1: 36:38

Okay.

Speaker 2: 36:39

I was mentally drained and when I looked around the house if I would see something out of order, I was so frustrated at even thinking about doing laundry. I was frustrated at even thinking about cleaning because before my tail end of it I was working in Boca and I had to be there by even though the bank opened at nine. Their drive-thru opened at eight, so I would have to leave my home. I never got them dressed in the morning. My husband had to take on those responsibilities. I would kiss them and they were still sleeping. Because if I didn't get out of the house by 6.30 to get there by 7.30 to at least have breakfast, and just because I had to get gas, I would be on a roll for about a good 45 minutes because of traffic.

Speaker 2: 37:33

So they were still sleeping in elementary and then I was like man, my baby's in there and that was dark outside and then I got home because drive-thru closed at five I didn't get home to, I didn't leave out of there to 5.30. So I didn't get home to 6.30.

Speaker 1: 37:50

Even though I was working an eight hour shift, yeah, I just.

Speaker 2: 37:56

And then we used to sit at. One thing we tried to foster was sitting at the dining room table and telling each other about our days. And what caused me to make the shift was one day I was like, yeah, this is what happened at work and I was going from here to Abercoury with the problems and my kids I'll never forget it. They took their fork and they slammed it. Not slammed it, but you know how you just drop your fork and you hear it clink on the plate. And they was like mommy again. And I looked at them and I was like what? And they were like you, never happy to come home from work, oh, oh no. And it was like one of those eye-opener moments and I just said I got to make a change. And then when I did that, I had to find a job on the same caliber of what I was on, with benefits and this and that, and I didn't go college. So I knew that when I left the bank I was going to be starting from the bottom.

Speaker 1: 38:56

OK.

Speaker 2: 38:57

So it was a very hard decision and I think that because of that, that's why I became so money conscious with them, because my income dropped $26,000.

Speaker 1: 39:12

Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2: 39:13

Oh gosh, so it was not a little bit of my. It was the equivalent to $900 a month.

Speaker 2: 39:22

Oh wow that I lost. Ok. So I sat my kids down. I went to my husband. We made a decision. We knew he was consciously going into that direction. So when we sat down I was like I may not be able to do everything If I say no, please don't be mad at mommy for saying no. Just know that if I can't, I can and if I can give me time to make it happen Between my husband and I income, give us time. And my kids at a very young age were like OK, mommy.

Speaker 2: 39:58

So they didn't get 80 million pairs of shoes. They always told them pick out two pairs of shoes. But then I told them hey, pick out a white pair and a black pair, it goes with everything. But then at the end of the day they wanted all the colors. But my kids never complained. They picked out a white shoe, they picked out a black shoe. If they picked out a color shoe, I say you win it with everything you got, I don't care. And they were like all right, mom, we won it, we won it. And then they were boys growing with bigger feet.

Speaker 2: 40:28

So they were very conscious of I say OK, for school clothes y'all have. One time we had 250 a piece and then one time they had 500 a piece. If I got a bonus or my business started to pick up a little bit, I would say OK, y'all got 600 a piece. The blessing part was my mom always rotated who she bought. Well, my mom and dad, they rotated which grandchild they bought that year. So one year it was mine and I was like, hallelujah, it's my year OK.

Speaker 2: 41:03

And they were like yeah, it was like a blessing. And they was like, well, what do y'all want? And they were like shoes, shoes, we want shoes. And I was like, and I was like they want shoes. So I was responsible for uniforms and school supplies. But then when my mom and dad bought the shoes, they was like they, shoes cost this much. No, no, it's not that much. I promise you, just keep doing it, keep buying.

Speaker 2: 41:26

But then they went, but when they that's why, when they first paycheck came, I let them pay and do whatever they wanted, because they were on a limited budget and they were awesome at it, so, but they were we would tell them you have 300. I mean, they would go into the store and they would see pants for $60. I'm like 240. Yeah, like, is that what you really want, right? And I used to tell them go to the clearance rack. Them same pants that look just similar to that might work. And they used to be like clearance rack. I was like let me direct you to this rack. And they used to look so bad. They used to look rummaged through, yeah, but they used to be like OK.

Speaker 2: 42:05

And then the one thing I did love about them was my older son. He was a senior. I don't know if he could. He was a senior in high school and they all had. They both had the same amount of money. But once he spent all that he wanted to, he gave the rest to his brother.

Speaker 2: 42:21

Oh, wow, and he said you can, yeah, he was like you can use the rest of my money. And it was like close to like $150, like from the 400 or something that we gave him. And he was like let's go, my goodness, let's go. We got $150 on the outside. So that was that. That was like that's so sweet. Ok, yeah, it was.

Speaker 2: 42:42

But when he was like it was so funny because he would be like what am I going to get? What am I going to get? Y'all buy my book there, right. And I'm like, yes, we buy the book there. And he was like, ok, ok, ok. And it was so exciting because he knew, ok, I know it's not a lot, but I know I can get at least two more shirts or four more shirts. And I was like, ok.

Speaker 2: 43:03

So they were money conscious from a very young age because they had to be Right, and now I think that, because of how they are with their money now they bought everything that they want and then, when they really and truly want something, they save up for it. They don't even ask us for it, they save up for it and then they do it. We still take care of my youngest son Haircuts. We take care of his. We still take care of his clothing too. I told them I say, even though you're 18, legally people don't know this, but legally why? Kids are still in high school. They're 18, don't mean anything.

Speaker 2: 43:42

They're still legally children. So I always tell them you may have turned 18, but, baby, I'm still responsible for you. Now, if he was a drop out of high school and never go back, I am not legally obligated to him.

Speaker 1: 43:59

Then he's officially an adult.

Speaker 2: 44:01

He's officially an adult, but until then I tell him all the time, I'm responsible for you. So yes, I'm gonna still help you make some decisions. And then, when I think back about it, they're so young minded. They're nothing like how I was when I was 18.

Speaker 1: 44:14

Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2: 44:17

So it's like yeah, baby, you still ain't got. No, how do you? My mom used to say you ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, so just go ahead and sit down and relax and let me show you what can possibly be done.

Speaker 1: 44:31

That's amazing. I feel like my family has come through. I can't tell you the last time I bought clothes my son. He's younger than most of his cousins. He's probably like the second or third youngest, so we have been so blessed. He has a cousin like. All of his cousins are very fashion forward and we have been so blessed, like they will give us, like oh, my son can't wear these clothes.

Speaker 1: 45:04

Or like oh, he had a growth spurt when I say we have had bags and bags and bags of clothes, just like here, come pick it up, come get it. It was to the point where we haven't. I don't think my husband and I have really gone shopping for my son in the last two, three years, like for clothes Wow, his entire wardrobe from family and, like some of the like, the clothes are really nice. Like I said, they're very fashion forward. So I don't even know what the latest styles are because we just have a closet full of clothes.

Speaker 2: 45:45

Wow, that's a blessing.

Speaker 1: 45:47

Yeah, a lot of the stuff still had tags on it, so clothing has never really been an issue, and that afforded me the opportunity, like as I was making the transition from one career to the next, it afforded me the opportunity to kind of take advantage of the sales and double up on, like the school uniforms, so even our school uniforms.

Speaker 1: 46:12

I always buy like the bigger sizes and just make him wear it until you know he can and I get what I do, instead of the black and white shoes. My son likes color Like that just fits his personality, so I started buying shoes with at least three to four colors in each sneaker.

Speaker 1: 46:34

So now you can wear whatever, because more than likely that color is gonna be in whatever you're wearing. So I've been doing that for like the last, maybe like the last three years and I'll say this year was my first year having to go back out to buy like uniform shirts, because we just had so many uniform shirts that we just kind of wore from.

Speaker 1: 47:01

I just got rid of the last set of uniform shirts from like preschool because in preschool they once they hit VPK they had to wear red, so I just kind of loaded up on red and that's his favorite color and then we kind of switched out from there. So you know, you just get resourceful when you have to, right. And now I'll say, because we haven't had to worry about shopping and clothes, even some of the clothes he can't even fit right now, so we still have brand new clothes for him because he's not big enough, he's not tall enough to wear them.

Speaker 1: 47:38

So we really only had to worry about the uniforms, and I think I bought so many colors and so many sizes. We're not gonna have to worry about that for another couple of years. He'll just keep wearing them. He'll keep wearing what he has until he outgrows it. And really we've just been buying shoes because you know, kids, they grow so fast. The shoes you know from point A to B. You know, one day you look up he's a size six. The next day up he's a six and a half too small.

Speaker 2: 48:13

You gotta get rid of those.

Speaker 1: 48:14

So we've really only had to buy like shoes, tank tops and underwear for him. Everything else has been given to us. So that's been like a huge blessing. Because I can't imagine like sometimes I'll hear my friends talking about taking their kids shopping and I'm like, wow, we don't, we really don't go shopping for clothes. Like I wouldn't even really know where to start. Most of my shopping that I do for myself. I'll do something off of Amazon and I'm good to go. I'll pick out like a work uniform I say that loosely because I kind of make up my own uniform for work but once something works, all right, I'll get a couple of colors with these tops, a couple of colors with these bottoms and I don't have to think about what I'm wearing and it's kind of the same thing for him. So I'm just kind of wondering, with him getting older, how that is gonna change. Like are the peers gonna start to influence what he's wearing or what he's wearing?

Speaker 2: 49:14

No, he's just gonna grow so big that they're not gonna be able to fit them. Oh, bj and Aaron yep, bj and Aaron for a long time was polar opposites. Like I knew, I could pass BJ clothes to Aaron. Eventually they start wearing the same size, okay, and that was when it got. Oh, oh, okay. Oh, lord, lord, life just hit me and it was like and so what I end up doing was garage sales.

Speaker 2: 49:39

So I would take their clothes that they couldn't fit, and when we had the garage sales at my mom's house you know, whatever clothes of theirs that sold that money went to them. Oh, nice, okay, yeah. So we didn't give it away and go down to a nephew or whatever. We all talk to them, somebody else can use this. So I didn't take their ugly, nasty clothes out there. I took fresh, nice clothes out there and they would sell their uniform shirts for like $2 a piece. They would sell their pants for like $5 a piece. Even their shoes, we would sell them for $10 a piece and eventually that's what they was like okay, we ain't getting rid of this. So I used to have bags and bags in my closet not my closet but their closet or in the garage, and I used to twist them up, and I used to be like, okay, the garage sale is happening over the summer. Whatever clothes don't fit, put them in here.

Speaker 2: 50:33

And that's what we did, because when they got to the same size like the crazy part is is BJ is like a nine and a half shoe and Aaron is a 10 and a half. Okay, so I couldn't pass shoes to them anymore. Right, it was like he put his foot in there and he was like man, it's hurt. It's hurt. I'm like, oh my God, like when did you do that? And then, so you know, it was like man. And then Aaron is like tall, he's like six feet. So none of the clothes that BJ had. He started growing in ninth, like ninth grade. He went taller than BJ. People started thinking he was the older brother. Instead of BJ was the older brother. So it was. You lose that, so you only have one. But what's going to happen with him is that the clothes that you thought that you was holding to decide that he could fit, when he could actually put that on, cause you think, oh, you're moving on to the next size, it was already gone. You missed the boat, yeah.

Speaker 1: 51:30

I keep trying to wait for that to like happen. So I'm like well, just try it on, let's see if it fits. Yet Just try it, cause that happened with a pair of like brand new shoes. He never got to wear them, his feet were too big. And I'm like, oh, okay.

Speaker 2: 51:45

Yeah, you know, when I did a closet clean out, I did a closet clean out right at Christmas break. I did a closet clean out. I did one at spring break, did a closet clean out, and then I did one right before school ended in May. I did a closet clean out and then I would start saving up then for money for school clothes in May, april, may time, so when the summertime hit, but I didn't even buy his clothes for school until July, right, cause they was still growing in June. So it was like I couldn't even buy shoes, I couldn't do anything, so the money just had to be there. But we did a garage sale in July, I mean in June, so all those calls that I see now that can fit. We sold those that went into the bucket and but I had to do three clean outs for them per year just to make sure that I was on point. And then it was like I would look at a closet and buy oh, we need to go shopping. Okay, it's time that I get some.

Speaker 1: 52:42

You know, I couldn't help it, you know that's interesting that you how long ago was this Like? Are you still doing that now that they're working? Or how how long ago? It's trouble they don't do it now, that's their business. Oh, okay, how long ago was it? Because I feel like what you're describing that could help so many parents right now, like with everything going up.

Speaker 2: 53:08

I did it the whole whole elementary, middle and high. I never stopped.

Speaker 1: 53:14

Okay, that's awesome Because that is, I mean, somebody listening to the show. They could start that right now If they have a closet full of stuff. You can start it right now start saving, start tagging, start organizing and separating and then go ahead and do that yard sale, because right now, look, the price of everything is going up Salaries- are slowly trailing behind and not quite catching up.

Speaker 1: 53:43

So you have to be resourceful. So that's amazing that something that you were doing years ago is relevant to right now. What some people probably need to do right now, Cause typically I've been calling like the breast cancer foundation, or I'll call the Vietnam veterans, and my son he has really nice clothes. The way that I'm able to keep his clothes for so long is. I'm very particular about how we wash the clothes.

Speaker 2: 54:20

We don't always dry the clothes in the dryer, Like you know a certain things that you can do to make them last longer.

Speaker 1: 54:27

So I feel like certain shirts from like certain stores, I know which brands I'm gonna get, so they'll last longer, and which ones you know I'm not gonna buy cause they fade or they tear, they rip, you know. So I feel like whenever I'm going through that, I just kind of call and I'll donate because I'm like, hey, if somebody's going to like a Goodwill or a thrift store, they're gonna get some. When they open this bag of clothes, like they're gonna get some pretty nice things. If we donate uniforms and stuff like that to the school, I go ahead and I starch and iron and press them up at home. So that way, whoever- gets those clothes from the school.

Speaker 1: 55:16

They're getting something nice. They're not getting something faded and worn out and worn down. Whatever kid gets those clothes from us, they're gonna be able to wear those clothes and feel good about what they have on and not feel like, oh, I'm getting hand me downs, you know they're not getting anything that looks worn, it looks pretty nice, and that's what I've been trying to instill in him, like take care of your stuff, because when you're done with it, we can give it to somebody else, and they can use it as well.

Speaker 1: 55:48

So that's how we manage here. But I love that. You're like having them take what they buy and then flip it and then use that profit to go ahead. And if you wanna go shop, if you wanna go buy something, if you wanna stick it in savings, like that's your choice. I love that.

Speaker 2: 56:06

Well, when I found out that Goodwill made so much money from getting clothes for free, I was like wait a minute, they're getting it for free and they're selling it and I know it was at a discount or bargain price, yeah. But I was like there's so many people that right around that we can use that money for us.

Speaker 2: 56:26

You know, love Goodwill, I go in there all the time, especially when they had them the red dot sales baby, I'll be on it, but, um, for the most part, it was like Let me, let me think about this a little bit more. So I started thinking about this a long time ago and we started a family garage sale Yearly and we always do it and I've never regretted it. I've never regretted it. I've always felt like you know what, we put our heart, or they get it at a deal, yeah, still, whatever you know, because you can't go in the store and buy no shirt for $2. So and I know it's not New but at the same time it was better than most. So, yeah, it was $2. Like, you can use that when you want to just plan a mud, I don't care. Yeah, um, now it's just $2 instead of you going into the store.

Speaker 2: 57:18

But my kids, I realized Everything had a value, no matter what it was, even if you, even if it was a bad shirt and you didn't want it anymore, you could rip that shirt up and use it as a rag. Everything has it has something it can be used for. So I always kept that. I've never seen them throw away stuff and they were like come on, you can use this. Let me think. We always, we always go to each other and be like you want this and it'd be some crazy things that they come up with. But I'd be like, yeah, you ain't even think to use it, I want it back, you know, cuz not a don't thought of something that I think of, right. So I was like I want it back, I want to use it for that, you know. But other than that, yeah, so you have them.

Speaker 2: 58:00

We resources for sure.

Speaker 1: 58:02

That's, that's amazing. Yeah, repurposing for sure. I wanted to go back because you say you were able to do all of these things, like once you shifted careers. Did you find that, like, are you happier once you made the, the change in the shift?

Speaker 2: 58:21

Oh, yeah, oh yeah. Like I look at the bank and be like, oh, I'm so happy I'm gone. I mean, I love the bank, I love what it afforded the opportunities for me. It taught me a lot of customer service skills and the income variations that I learned. I can't complain about what I learned in banking, but being an educational system and putting it both together, is Is on parallel, like the is. It's right up my alley. I'm a paper pusher by nature.

Speaker 2: 58:55

So Customer service is fine. It's just you know you deal more face-to-face with people. This here is more of detail orientation, and that's that's who I am. So Not only was I my career shifted me there, but when I'm done, at no job. When I came home I could be present with my kids.

Speaker 2: 59:15

I didn't have to worry about what I didn't do, like sometimes, when I came home, I'd be like, oh my gosh, I didn't do that sale, or or we would get audits and it was like, oh my gosh, we're gonna take that. You know, the auditors might come and show up any day and then you basically getting tested all day. I don't have that that stress, so I didn't. I didn't come home and then look at like things to Study every single day. Um, and my kids like to help with homework. Sometimes we would just go outside and throw the football with each other.

Speaker 2: 59:47

Sometimes I will come home and take a nap and they would be like they just never bothered me, you know, and it was like once I got home, I was happy to share more happy stories. Okay, then sad stories. It was like we, when we said at the table, was like I Don't know, it became fulfilling, it became more fulfilling. So, yeah, I always tell people if, if your peace of mind is being shaken, do you need to go, go and unshake it. Go, go, find the piece that you need, at least for a little bit. Every job is stressful, yeah, but it was worth it for me.

Speaker 2: 1:00:28

Okay, that's very much worth it.

Speaker 1: 1:00:30

That's awesome, and it sounds like they recognize it as well. I feel like I can kind of identify. I feel like I'm at a crossroads now, leaving one field, going to the other, and it's Getting to the point where I guess mine is the opposite right, Because I started with a super low salary and now I'm making the higher salary, but I'm like Feeling, like I'm always on the clock, like how do we strike the balance here?

Speaker 1: 1:00:57

because I'm off the clock, but I'm still getting text messages. I'll be honest the last two weeks, like usually, we have reports that are due to the insurance companies, like every six months. So the reports are pretty detailed, pretty thorough, and I feel like I'm getting better at it. But now I've had maybe four reports do like back to back to back.

Speaker 1: 1:01:32

So I want to say, for the last two weeks I've been sleeping on the couch because I wake up at like one o'clock in the morning trying to get these reports done because they will expire and you know I work with kids with special needs and the reports aren't in on time, they're not signed, the insurance companies, they will kick it back if they want more information or more details and if that's not done within a certain timeframe the kids will lose their services. So for me it's like that clock starts ticking and I've inherited, like all of these cases where the plans are due, like back to back. Right now, I've been working on two plans, two reports that are due two days apart. So for the last two weeks I've been sleeping on the couch.

Speaker 2: 1:02:26

Well, but you know what? I got advice from two different people. One you never get back, no time praying with your kids. You never. You can never get that back. And even though you're doing everything to be there for them and make sure that they are well maintained, and you're doing everything you can to make sure that they are not feeling what you're feeling, they will always remember something you didn't do. It's just, it's just inevitable. But the thing is is, if you find balance, what you're going to end up creating is a self fulfillment of I did all that I could.

Speaker 1: 1:03:07

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:03:08

Even if it didn't meet their expectation. But the thing is is you, you must find balance because, as I am now older, when you have all of that running through your mind, the health issues start, because you don't want that, you don't want the anxiety to start, you don't want the panic attacks to happen.

Speaker 2: 1:03:35

You don't want the sleepless nights because you actually still have things that you have to fulfill for your job. It's not ever family life. You know you always are enough at home because they understand your job, but are you? You are never enough for your job, but you you try and keep pouring into it and it's not working. So I have learned to now find balance. So the crazy part is, is that the only way I can tell you when you have a business, though you're in, they say you, you never stopped working.

Speaker 2: 1:04:06

When you have your own business and I can truly attest to that Like sometimes I'll be sleeping, I'm like, oh, that's what I can put on that table to decorate, and I'm like I'm sleeping, I'm writing it down before I forget because it comes visually to me.

Speaker 2: 1:04:19

And then I'm like, okay, now I can go back to sleep and I was like, whoa, I was like I just woke up to put a whole design down on paper Because it came to me in my sleep. But doing the taxes and making sure you have all the write-offs and making sure you have all the Ps and Qs dotted with the income coming in versus the income going out, and then it can be overwhelming and you find yourself not balancing again. So I'm going to tell you that, whatever you, you already know what elements you have to have for the report. I'm going to tell you to write it as you go, because when you write it as you go, it's done, it's like literally almost done. I prioritize that work too, like I put things in piles and I'd be like I'm going to conquer that today. I ain't touching you at all today and okay, maybe I'll touch you.

Speaker 2: 1:05:09

And whatever I don't get done, I'm okay with it, the things that have to get done, though. It presses on me, so I'm like okay, you have to get done the day that goes in front of me, no ifs and buts, but it has to be done within that timeframe. I'm getting paid to do it within this timeframe. Yeah, people come in and out my door all the time and I'll be like no, doing this. I like that. And no muscle. You have to.

Speaker 1: 1:05:33

I don't I have not.

Speaker 2: 1:05:34

Yeah, you have to.

Speaker 1: 1:05:36

Yeah, I have not. I get parents calling constantly and I think yesterday I was like does this lady think I'm like her concierge for her kid?

Speaker 2: 1:05:45

Like she's snapping at me.

Speaker 1: 1:05:48

She's giving me attitude, she's and I'm like, ma'am, I'm not. I'm not a social worker, like, but sometimes I feel like I'm a social worker, like I'm the behavior therapist. This is what I do within. You know this box right here. This is the rest of it, mommy. That's on you.

Speaker 2: 1:06:13

So I've been trying to strike but you know you fall in the medical field. Yeah, you fall in the medical field and they kind of they kind of expect 12 hours out of you.

Speaker 1: 1:06:21

Oh, absolutely, and I'm feeling it now. I have a set, I think, with the, I don't know it's twofold. So I do behavior therapy online and I feel like I have a certain set of parents let's say higher tax bracket and they have a certain level of expectations, right?

Speaker 1: 1:06:44

So this is where I feel like I am not the childcare concierge, but I'm being treated like the childcare concierge, whatever. And then for my business personally that I run, I work with a lot of lower SES families, so who are living below that poverty level right now. The area that I'm in in South Florida, we deal with a high migrant population and a high immigrant population as well, so the families are very transient and I have to chase parents down to get consent to just do my job in general, like hey, you signed up for this service. You have to be here. You cannot leave me with your kids by yourself. I know you got to work. I got to work too. We got to figure something out because I have to see you. You can't just leave the kids with any of us, right? I just had this conversation.

Speaker 2: 1:07:47

You're the baby seller.

Speaker 1: 1:07:48

Yeah, I had this conversation with one of my assistants, because we go into the homes, we go into the community, we go into the schools, and he was telling me, like we're preparing for a home visit, and he's like Dr Montesier, I'm just trying to explain to you, when you go into this home, you are going to be the teacher, the cook, the referee, the blah, blah, blah, and I'm like where are the parents, honey? Like that's not your job? And he's like, oh, it's just so many. It's one day I counted 10 children and he's only there to work with one.

Speaker 1: 1:08:26

But you know there are siblings, there are cousins, and I'm like, where's mom and dad? And he's like, oh no, they're with a boy. Okay, well, you know, when you go into this home, we have to set some standards and some ground rules.

Speaker 2: 1:08:41

Look, we can maybe play some we definitely have to do that.

Speaker 1: 1:08:43

Yeah, we can play some games together, but you are not the babysitter, so I feel like that has added on an extra layer of work to just get the parents to understand what it means to get involved. We're supposed to teach parents how to communicate and work with their kids with special needs, right?

Speaker 1: 1:09:04

But that is very hard to do when you have parents who are just trying to make ends meet from one day to the next. So this house, from what he described, is kind of like the house where the entire community kind of comes together the siblings, the cousins and like they're going to drop the kids off with grandma so we can go work, right. So grandma is there and it's just kids in and out. So I'm like, okay, we need to-.

Speaker 2: 1:09:37

And grandma's not with it either.

Speaker 1: 1:09:40

And a lot of the times they don't understand. Then you got the cultural thing. So we try to go in there teaching how to communicate with kids and how to motivate them to engage in like the behaviors that you want. But certain cultures don't play that. So there is no motivated to follow my rules. You know, learning disability or cognitive disorder or not, In our culture children do this, adults do this, and it's very hard to talk to them to get them to understand.

Speaker 1: 1:10:15

Okay, you have a kid with special needs. That may not apply. You know that mindset may not apply, those norms may not apply to this child in this situation. So let's try something different. So it's really difficult to kind of get them on board in that way. But when it happens, when you finally get the buy-in, I think it's amazing to show families what their kids can do, even though they have special needs. They can do so many things, they can communicate. But right now, with that business owner hat on, like you said, everything is on me. So my assistants, whatever they do, those directives come strictly like they come straight from me. So, whatever, I have to have my eyes on them, on the client, on the home life, on the school environment, and then I come up with a game plan and it's constant.

Speaker 1: 1:11:14

Yeah, it is nonstop, even when I go home, just like you said. I'm like, okay, how can I do this? Okay, then I came up with communication folders, I think yesterday. I'm like, maybe I just need to make a lesson plan. Okay, now I'm going back to teaching, but I'm not a teacher. But so you know, you just have all of these different hats and I'm like, all right, I am getting back to that point of like super busy.

Speaker 2: 1:11:43

You work from home.

Speaker 1: 1:11:44

Yeah, I work from home for one company and then for my business. I go out in the community and with the lower SES population, online really isn't an option. It's like a 50-50 chance. They might have internet, they might not. They might have a phone that's working, they might not. So me, I have to, like, hit the ground running and I got to be in their face knocking on the door at the school. The school they're starting to get familiar with me and it's almost like all right school. You guys probably see the parents more than I do. Let them know. I'm coming to the house Like I'm knocking on the door because I've called, I've sent emails. I don't think they check emails because the internet might be a question mark, right?

Speaker 2: 1:12:32

So now what you could do is those teachers, those parents are those teachers. However, the parent and the teacher communicate. I will put it in their notebook.

Speaker 1: 1:12:43

Yeah, Well, I just made them like hey, this is my notebook, but I'm leaving it with you guys. So we have another method of communication because the other methods aren't working, and you know nowadays you can't.

Speaker 1: 1:12:58

It's kind of taboo to just pop up at somebody's house, but I'm like look, I've given you every morning possible that I'm coming to the house. You need to be there. If you're not there now, that's a whole nother issue. All right, that was part one of a two part series. Don't forget tune in next week where we conclude this episode. Hey everyone, it's your favorite BCB AD here, dr Doloran, and I'm here to ask you to help us continue making great content for listeners everywhere by visiting wwwforshittymomscom, where you can make a monthly contribution. Also, visit us on Instagram, youtube, facebook and TikTok at ForshittyMoms and that's shitty with an X, not an I.