Remember the time when balancing work and family life seemed like an extreme sport? Christina Martin, CEO of Mom to M.I.L.F LLC and a dynamic single mother, joins us on For Shxtty Moms to share her playbook on juggling a demanding engineering career while raising three kids. With stories that swing from her meticulous maintenance of B-52 aircraft, to orchestrating Family Fun Fridays, Christina's narrative is a relatable story that demonstrates the power of resilience and the art of finding ceaseless joy in the mayhem of motherhood.
If parenting is a rollercoaster, then education is the loop-de-loop that gets the heart racing. We tackle the ever-changing landscape of teaching methods and academic standards, along with Christina's firsthand account of navigating late-night homework breakthroughs with her teenage daughter and the quest for balance between being supportive and challenging. The conversation is a candid look at the trials of adapting to new educational norms and fostering unique learning paths for our children, all the while sprinkled with laughter and the occasional potty-training debacle.
Climb aboard for a heartfelt episode that not only pulls back the curtain on the life of a working mom in the engineering field but also dives into the trenches of daily parenting challenges. Christina and I share our experiences in finding solace in mom groups, discuss the creativity needed in managing the high cost of childcare, and reflect upon the importance of spirituality and personal growth in reclaiming the joy of motherhood. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that we're all in this together, imperfectly perfect and doing the best we can with the time we've got.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Working Mom in Engineering Field
13:50 - Finding Enjoyment in Family Activities
20:48 - Navigating Teaching Methods With Children
25:35 - Navigating Educational Standards and Parenting
39:39 - Challenges of Potty Training and Costs
47:15 - Navigating Middle School Challenges With Confidence
1:00:30 - Balancing Life as a Mom
1:10:53 - Challenges of Working Mothers
1:23:45 - Reclaiming Joy in Motherhood
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
Remember the time when balancing work and family life seemed like an extreme sport? Christina Martin, CEO of Mom to M.I.L.F LLC and a dynamic single mother, joins us on For Shxtty Moms to share her playbook on juggling a demanding engineering career while raising three kids. With stories that swing from her meticulous maintenance of B-52 aircraft, to orchestrating Family Fun Fridays, Christina's narrative is a relatable story that demonstrates the power of resilience and the art of finding ceaseless joy in the mayhem of motherhood.
If parenting is a rollercoaster, then education is the loop-de-loop that gets the heart racing. We tackle the ever-changing landscape of teaching methods and academic standards, along with Christina's firsthand account of navigating late-night homework breakthroughs with her teenage daughter and the quest for balance between being supportive and challenging. The conversation is a candid look at the trials of adapting to new educational norms and fostering unique learning paths for our children, all the while sprinkled with laughter and the occasional potty-training debacle.
Climb aboard for a heartfelt episode that not only pulls back the curtain on the life of a working mom in the engineering field but also dives into the trenches of daily parenting challenges. Christina and I share our experiences in finding solace in mom groups, discuss the creativity needed in managing the high cost of childcare, and reflect upon the importance of spirituality and personal growth in reclaiming the joy of motherhood. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that we're all in this together, imperfectly perfect and doing the best we can with the time we've got.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Working Mom in Engineering Field
13:50 - Finding Enjoyment in Family Activities
20:48 - Navigating Teaching Methods With Children
25:35 - Navigating Educational Standards and Parenting
39:39 - Challenges of Potty Training and Costs
47:15 - Navigating Middle School Challenges With Confidence
1:00:30 - Balancing Life as a Mom
1:10:53 - Challenges of Working Mothers
1:23:45 - Reclaiming Joy in Motherhood
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity Behavioral Alliance, your number one source for behavior change. Fidelity Behavioral Alliance creates behavior change programs for schools, parents and organizations looking to reduce problem behaviors and improve performance outcomes. Find out more at wwwfidelitybehavioralliancecom. If you would like to sponsor an episode of FSM, email us at shitmom at gmailcom. That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M at gmailcom. M-o-m at gmailcom. It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready for another episode of For Shitty Moms. All right, everyone, welcome to another episode of For Shitty Moms. I'm your host, deloren, and today we have a special guest. I'm just going to pass it on over to her and let her introduce herself.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody, I'm Christina Martin. I am the CEO of Mom2Mouth LLC, so it's actually a women's empowerment group for us, kind of centered around mothers not necessarily birth mothers, but anyone that takes care of a young child. We welcome you, and so I'm excited to be here today to talk about moms and the importance of motherhood, and I'm actually a single mother of three kids myself 15, 11, and 3. So they give me a run for my money, and I actually went to Florida State University. I have a bachelor's in electrical engineering and then I continued and did my master's in business administration at the college I mean, sorry, the Georgia College and State University.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, what an intro. Ok, so you hit most of my topics, so you're like a pro at this and I always like letting the guests introduce themselves because I feel like I find out so much more about them. What brought you? You're in Georgia now, so can you give us a little background? What brought you there? Because most of our guests are from right here, homegrown in South Florida, and you started out here in South Florida and then you kind of branched off, so do you want to take us through that?
Speaker 2:Yes, I can. So I'm actually a homegrown Florida Orange myself, but I actually, after graduating from Florida State, I received a job offer to Robbins Air Force Base here in Warner Robins, georgia Real country town. When I got here I was itching to get back home no beaches in sight, anything like that but it was a great opportunity for me and my daughter at the time and so fast forward now.
Speaker 2:I've been here for 14 years. It's great for family. Like I said before, I have three kids now. I actually still work on base. I started off as an electronic engineer and now I actually moved on to become a supervisor of engineering data. So it's very fun. Do miss home a lot, but at the same time it's great for my career and great for my kids.
Speaker 1:Now give us like a day in the life of an electrical engineer, because that's not something that you hear about every day. So what do you focus on? What does that look like?
Speaker 2:So definitely all electrical engineers do different things. My main focus, being on the Air Force Base, is to support the warfighters. So you know, without disclosing too much, I actually, before I became a supervisor, I was in charge of making sure our systems were running correctly on the aircraft Specifically, the B-52 was my aircraft. Very interesting, very detailed, looking at engineering drawings consistently, the B-52 was actually a 1980s plane and so a lot of obsolescence and obsolete parts, and so my job was to basically keep it flying, and so the side of the house that I work on I don't physically have to work with the parts, and so my job was to basically keep it flying, and so the side of the house that I work on I don't physically have to work with the parts. We actually hired contractors to do that, but I had to oversee these contractors to make sure everything was running smoothly, fast forward.
Speaker 2:Now I just became a supervisor in July and so now it's more of admin work. But it's definitely a breath of fresh air and a break from having to do a lot of the technical day-to-day, and so now I'm more focused on my team making sure they do everything they need to do, definitely focused on their well-being. We have something called the wingman and so we always try to be good wingmen to our fellow employees. And now, being over these employees, I definitely you know I want to take care of their mental as well, as they're making sure the physical is done day by day. So it's busy, but it's definitely different than having to technically, you know, be working with these parts. I used to have to go away we call it TDY, but I used to have to go to like New Jersey and California and, as you can expect, with a mother, it was a lot for me to even try to go um it was probably almost every other month.
Speaker 2:So oh wow, that's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely a break now for me, but still enjoyable now I'm I'm listening and I'm trying not to like fangirl too much because I'm definitely like the science fanatic. Um, how do you communicate to your kids what you do for a living? Do they understand, like the gravity of what you do every day?
Speaker 2:So the best part for me was actually being able to take them to the Air Force Base.
Speaker 2:So, all of my kids have gotten to experience going to the Air Force Base in different ways. Like my daughter, she used to actually come to work with me every once in a while and so she physically kind of got to see the work set in the office, set in, Of course, COVID hit. So my boys, I was able to take them to the Museum of Aviation that we have here on the base so I have pictures of them with the planes. You know, for them it's like hey, they just fly, but they know that mommy helps keeping them fly, keeping them in the air. So for them, you know, and they actually were able to, in the museum they have a B-52 cockpit and so they were able to actually sit there. I kind of showed them some of the buttons. Interesting fact, my into an actual plane. It was like a simulation but yeah, they learned more than you would actually imagine because they have a lot of STEM programs and things here for the kids that are geared towards the base and my kids have been part of all of that.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so cool. Now, with all that you do, is that like a typical nine to five, where when you're off you're off and then you switch to mommy mode, or is it For me? It is Okay For me it is I choose to.
Speaker 2:There are people that they're still on the clock jumping on. I will definitely say, now that COVID has put me at home, I do find myself sometimes still doing stuff at six, seven o'clock at night, but that's just because my day's gotten away from me. But typically, yeah, once I left the base, I left my work there. You know, as a mom it's just a lot when you come home and have to get into mommy mode to still try to get work done. So I left it there, left everything right there, and then I picked it up the next morning.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool. So would you describe your job and or your industry as like mom friendly, where, if life happens, you know you can stop what you're doing and they understand that you need to be a mom right now? That takes precedence. How does that look?
Speaker 2:So the basic self is like a city within a city. So it's very funny. Anybody that comes to base my daughter actually used to go to school on base they have a library, they have bowling alleys like all kinds of stuff that you would have out in the regular city the base has it. So the weird thing is when you say you work on base, it's like always what organization, what department? Because they're so different.
Speaker 2:And I've been really, really blessed where I hear people that have to work overnight. We call it the flight line, but they work actually with the planes out there. They're working overnight. If there's an emergency they're called in immediately. That's not mom friendly, that's not something I could see myself doing. But my particular position in my organization it's a great work-life balance. I'm very blessed with supervisor and my director of engineering. They both are parents and they understand, so they definitely allow me to put my kids first, especially my three-year-old. If there's an illness, if there's a doctor's appointment, definitely take off, go, handle what you have to do and whenever you get back let us know, and I love it so definitely there's positions on base that would fit that for a mom.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's awesome, Because you would think engineering like, oh, they're not going to be, you know, too flexible. But that's awesome to hear.
Speaker 2:Well, there's sacrifices and I tell people all the time I could be making way more money, but I'd probably be working swing shifts through a contractor and have to travel all the time. I probably wouldn't be able to do as much as I do with my kids as a mom. So, that's the sacrifice I take by working for the government. Job security benefits are great, but you definitely get less than you probably would get working with a contractor monetarily.
Speaker 2:But you know as a mom, sometimes you have to make that decision, and I chose to go that route.
Speaker 1:Holidays, I'm off, when they're off, things like that I enjoy. With working with the government, yeah, that's awesome. And I do feel like once you start comparing, you may start out in college or in high school with an idea of what you want to do, but then, when life hits and reality hits, you kind of pivot, you shift a little bit and you find what options allow you to strike the balance and still have a quality of life, still have a career and then still balance. You know motherhood and everything that comes with it. So, with the job and parenting and everything else that you have right now that you've mentioned so far, what do your hobbies look like? Or like side hustles or other interests outside of like work and parenting? What does that look like for you?
Speaker 2:So I do a lot of side hustles and those are actually my enjoyment as well. So I started working as a bartender at a place up here called 44th and Madison. It's a wedding venue, but they also host events such as ratchet bingo, open mic night, and I have a blast. I have a blast doing it. They were able to train me to be a bartender. Um, it's close enough to home, to where it's like a block away from my house, so I'm, you know, able to rush home to the kids if I need to, and that's definitely enjoyable for me as well, and it's just like a little weekend gig. I also tutor. So actually before today, earlier today, I tutored right after my nine to five.
Speaker 2:But I enjoyed that as well. I tutor kids of all ages in math, and so that's something I do as not only a side hustle but also enjoyment.
Speaker 3:I've been doing it for years, and so now I just actually work for a company and put a price tag to it.
Speaker 2:I also love to work out. Fitness is a thing for me. That was my commitment when I started my company and so, because I'm not always able to go to the gym, I'll go to the park, allow my son to kind of run around and I do different workouts. Whenever I do get a chance to, I do go to the gym. My kids will babysit and I'll go to the gym. That's enjoyable for me as well. It's kind of just like a breath of fresh air because, although you're working out, it's peace for me. I put in my headphones and I'm away from mommy mode for a little bit and I'm able to just, you know, do a little workout, whether the treadmill or whatever. So I do enjoy doing that.
Speaker 2:And then my big thing is travel. Okay, I love to travel. It's something I enjoy doing. Covid kind of put a little stint in that and it actually made me lazy, I'll admit it. But whenever I am able to get away, I travel with my kids. That's probably a hundred percent of the time. But I'm making memories with them and they're at the age now to where I can enjoy doing things with them, and so it's fun. It's fun for me. It's something I do, but yeah, day by day, I'm usually ripping and running. I'm a football mom. My daughter does drama, so I enjoy going to her shows and, as a mom, you just know you love seeing your kids happy.
Speaker 1:And so a lot of what they enjoy doing I now enjoy doing and I kind of entered their world.
Speaker 2:So it's fun for me as well. Oh my gosh Okay.
Speaker 1:That's so much. I know it's so rare to hear, but it sounds like you have figured out how to strike the balance Because a lot of times when you have moms who are very career driven or have, like they, they play a pivotal role in their industry or in their career, they don't really have time to do the extracurriculars like. If the kids are involved in extracurriculars then you usually hear about family or friends who kind of step up and fill in the gaps and it sounds like you have the career, you're there to support them in their extracurricular and somehow you manage to have a life on your own. I know a lot of moms struggle with just like, hey, I want to work out, or hey, I need some me time, and it seems like you've been able to put all of those pieces together, even with the bartending like that's fun. I'm sure that gives you a social life outside of children, which is very important.
Speaker 1:So how in the world were you able to orchestrate all of these different avenues and pull it together?
Speaker 2:Well, one thing about me I've always been super organized. Growing up I was the secretary to a lot of different organizations clubs so even now they call me the family planner, because anytime anything has to be done they're like, hey, let's call Christina. So I'm like that with my life. I'm very organized. If you look at my calendar, I have things planned out for next week. Now, we know things come up unexpected, but I kind of try to have my day planned out. And with kids you have to, especially active kids. My kids are very active, but that was partly part of why I started my group.
Speaker 2:I wanted mothers to realize that you can be about your kids, but still have you, still go back to you. My motto is always you know you can't pour from an empty vessel. And so we're like all the things I just named. I'm constantly running around with the kids, but at some point I'm like when, when do I get time? Right.
Speaker 2:So I had to find enjoyment out of some of these stuff. Like my son, for instance, my 11-year-old loves car shows. He loves big rim racing. He's like, mom, can we go to this car show? And I'm like, oh my God, the first day he asked me.
Speaker 2:We were out there for 12 hours. I couldn't believe it. I'm like, oh my gosh. And now I'm telling him the next car show I found out, hey, he enjoys doing this, I'm going to have to be here with him, let me find enjoyment in it. And so now I actually have entered the car show world. I know a lot of the people. When we go to the car shows I'm like, oh, this person's going against this person.
Speaker 2:I find myself excited, and so I've kind of noticed that I've entered what they like to do Theater. Same thing. I've never been a big theater fan. My daughter loves it. Now I'm singing some of the musicals, and so I found myself actually enjoying what they've brought me into. And so I feel like as a mother, you have to kind of find enjoyment in the things with your kids, and one thing I always say is they grow up quick. They really do so before you know it. It's going to be like mom, I don't need you, or mom, don't, don't walk me in, you know. So when they do still get excited for me to do things with them, I'm like, ok, let's do it. And you know it's not everything, let's face it, you're not always into everything they do. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I'm blessed that a lot of what my kids do I'm now finding enjoyable and that you know, and they actually love to invite me to come do it with them, so that's always a blessing as well.
Speaker 1:So how did you get yourself to a point where you find enjoyment in what they do? Is it something like you talk yourself up, you kind of coach yourself ahead of time, or what I've had to?
Speaker 2:These car shows are not for the weak. It could be long, hot, of course they're loud, and I was like, oh my gosh. But when I tell you, we made like a trip out of it. So, for instance, one of his favorite racers is stationed in South Carolina and so he's like mom, the show's in South Carolina. I'm like what, four hours away, but we made a weekend out of it.
Speaker 2:You know, we went up there, we got a hotel, he introduced me to some people and now it's a big thing for me and my 11-year-old and 3-year-old to do, and so I think, just researching it I mean, it's not everything I like, definitely not but researching it, understanding it more. You know, sometimes we don't like things because we don't even understand it, right. And so now that I've actually had to deep dive into it, the meaning of some things, the type of cars, because my son is so educated on it that I mean he'll have your mind running.
Speaker 2:He'll be like mom, look at this engine. And I'm like, huh, so I've had to learn it and it's actually become a bond in for us because he's like teaching me. We always feel like we teach our kids. I learn from my kids because he'll teach me about the different cars and the engines and types. My daughter will tell me about the different pitches and things about theater, and so I find it's a good bonding time for us and I think I'm just a particular person where I get enjoyment out of seeing my kids you know, enjoying being with me.
Speaker 2:So one thing that I instituted was Family Fun Friday. So every Friday we try to do something together. It could be going out to eat. We've actually ended up buying like 10 different Monopoly games. So during COVID we learned every different Monopoly out there. Oh cool, they taught me the game of life. We've gone to the movies. We just try to do something each Friday. I mean, sometimes it's as simple as me ordering a pizza and we sit at the table and talk because it's been a long day, but I'm like let's just get together for that little bit of time. And you would think they're like oh, mom, but I actually sometimes now they're like what are we doing tonight?
Speaker 1:And I'm like. Oh.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking let's not do anything, but the fact that they even want to, it's enjoyable for me. I'm like, okay, well, let's do something. And so you sometimes have to kind of like work yourself up, because I think just the initial thought of it is like what am I going to like about big rim racing? Like I don't care about old school cars with big rims, but it's funny that now I do, I actually do enjoy it. I think, understanding it more. Now I do find myself actually telling him about the shows you know.
Speaker 2:And, like I said, with theater my daughter performed in one play and I went and saw it seven times and it's the same play, but it was. The support for her is the fact that now I need the songs I'm singing along. My three-year-old even does the dances at home now and for me it's like, oh my gosh, she enjoys it too. So that for me alone puts a smile on my face, knowing that we actually can connect on something you know, and it's hard nowadays to connect with your kids.
Speaker 1:So when I'm able to.
Speaker 2:I love it, I love it.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. So I have a thought, but I'm not going to say it yet. I'm going to ask you how do you?
Speaker 2:describe yourself as a mom. Super mom, that's what they call me, but I saw them. I have to put on all the hats, so when they're sick, I'm the nurse. I just had to tutor my daughter last night. It was funny because I pride myself on the fact that my kids are great students. They are, and I tutor other kids. My kids never asked for help, okay, and so, um, of course, now you know everything's digital, so I get their grades as it comes in, and so I was home yesterday and her grade came in for a quiz and it was like oh my gosh, what is this?
Speaker 2:So I, when she got home, I said how am I helping other kids? And home I said how am I helping other kids? And it looks like you're struggling. It was in algebra. And she said well, I thought I knew it, but I didn't. And so we were up last night till after 11 studying and today she got a 90 on the test. But look at that. Yeah, I was like, oh my gosh. I was like so that's the hat I had to put on after my long day. Yesterday I had to go tutor, you know, tutor my own child, own child. Um, of course, you're the chef, you know. So I really do. When people say you're super mom, I'm like, yeah, I have my kryptonite, though, you know, just like superman, but um, I do. Yeah, I consider myself super mom. I I try to be the fun, friendly, but I also got to be stern. I don't know like, hey, I'm still your mom, yeah, so, um, super mom would be would be my term for myself.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's close to mine. I like she's like the ultimate mom, like your kids want to be around you. You don't hear that. I know they want to hang. Now, how does it look? The tutoring with your daughter? How does that look? Because?
Speaker 2:for me it's a struggle.
Speaker 2:She never wanted to. She said that's why she never asked me for help. She's like Mom, I don't really want you tutoring me, but last night it was such a blessing because even when I sat down with her I had, like I said, a long day. I sat down with her around 930. That's when I got back home from my day ending and she was at the table already ready to go, because I told her be prepared and I remember she put the first problem in reteach myself. So I'm over here on Google, I'm looking at her note and by the time we were done, like I said, it was like 11.
Speaker 2:She said I understand it way better now than my teacher explained it and I was like that for me was an accomplishment, absolutely because, again, I was tired and I thought I was going to get a lot of resistance, which I do and don't don't get me wrong, there was a lot of mom. We don't do it like that anymore mom, I haven't done it like that since I was in fourth grade, you know, but the ultimate goal was to get the right answer right so, um, thankfully she did it her way.
Speaker 2:She kind of took my steps and led up to her way, and she passed the test today. So it's not always that easy you know kids, I think for some reason they feel like parents don't understand and they automatically have this thought of like you're gonna be harder on them, so they don't want to ask you for help, yeah, but then you just described me like I'm the you're harder
Speaker 1:oh yeah, absolutely. Because when I'm in the classroom with the students I know for the most part, you know, I used to teach secondary science, so I only had them for 50 minutes and with all the transitionings at the beginning of class, all of the transitions at the end of class, to make sure they make it to their next class on time. I knew for core instruction I have about 20 minutes max for them to catch the concept. And this is like 20 minutes with at least 22 kids, 22 different learners, 22 opportunities for distractions and missed content, right, um, 22 opportunities for them to miss the notes. And oh my god, you went too fast. Can you go back?
Speaker 1:So I would have that mindset like, look, on this day I just need you to get the gist of it and then we'll practice a little bit on this day we'll come back and catch some of the stuff you miss. Like you can plan a little more. But when it's your own, I'm kind of like I'm digging deep into these concepts and I just want him to get it. You know, in the classroom it's like all right, I know some people aren't gonna get it, I know some people will get it, so now I need to make a plan to remediate those who didn't get it, and I still need to keep the other ones preoccupied if they caught on the same day, you know.
Speaker 1:so you're just always on the move, but when it's your own, I feel like yeah, I kind of focus on every little thing and I find myself going back to like the previous grade level, like hey, you should have learned this this way. It's coming from this, so let's go back to the prerequisite skills. And he's like like what the heck? Like it was just one problem. Why are you asking me this? I'm like because if you don't know this, then we can't do this like do you remember this? Does this sound familiar? And I do all of that. And lately what's been happening is, by the time I teach it to him, it's just just what you said. Oh, we don't do it that way. So now I've run into a few times where he was struggling with the concept.
Speaker 1:I taught him the way that I learned it and he went to school and bomb the test Like we don't do it that way, even if it takes him to the same answer, because initially I'm like it's the same way, I don't know. But then when I get the test, they start asking specific questions about the method. So a few of the tests that he had it was more so focused on the process of getting there as opposed to the answer. And.
Speaker 1:I'm just like well, your teacher only taught it for this long. She couldn't have gone that deep, because you guys are already testing on it and, like I, keep track of the scope and sequence, but they are like moving fast yeah, they're moving really quickly.
Speaker 1:And then here I am using a completely different method from what he learned in the classroom and when he's really struggling with concepts now I just confuse him, like I've shown him something completely different from what he's been practicing. So at one point last month I was like you know what? I think I'm doing more harm than good. Let me step back. Let's get a tutor who knows whatever they're using, because it's not even. I think everything stems from common core which I get common core.
Speaker 1:But florida just changed their standards. I think this year they changed them again. So now they're doing something else, like the star stamp something they're doing and I'm like like I can get you. Yeah, it's like the right answer.
Speaker 2:What's the problem?
Speaker 1:but right, so I've just been like well, son, like this is the way we did it, but let's, let's go to the book. Like luckily, I know how to navigate those platforms because I can pull up his videos and stuff like that from the textbook.
Speaker 1:And even the textbooks. If you I don't know how far you go into it, but sometimes I will look at the textbooks, look at the barcodes and try to get my own and you can't, so the ones that we have access to. If you're not like a school district making that purchase, you cannot get the same material to practice you just even if it says it's the same thing, the same title, the same publisher it is not the same. So I've just been like you know what. Let me take a step back because he'll come home like you told me wrong. Yeah, I do online resources, textbooks, uh-huh.
Speaker 2:But I think I'm a little easier on my kids, and I say that because I wasn't the best student okay so, um, I was in gifted my whole. So compared to the average student I was probably like whoo, but my mom's standards I was not. My mom was always like I expect xyz. And then my brother he's 16 months older than me. He was a straight a student.
Speaker 2:I mean that boy was on, he's an engineer as well, oh cool, but through school he was a1 and I was more of like, oh, I got a d. I can't show my mom this you know, so with my kids? I don't tell them, hey, it's okay if you get a c, but I don't, I don't get down on them really hard about it.
Speaker 2:You know and like I, said, I've been blessed that they don't bring home C's. You know, my kids are all A's, my son's all A's, my daughter's A's and B's always been like that. So I'm very blessed with the type of kids they are. But because I know what I was like, I don't like expect oh my gosh, they got a D. I'm going to kill them, or they got a, c, I'm going to kill them. At that point I'm more of like well, what are you struggling with? What do?
Speaker 2:you need help with. Is it the teacher? Is it I? More start asking questions because I think growing up my mom was just more of oh, why'd you get this, let me do this. But again, my brother was doing great. So she's like I know it can be done because he's doing it Even on report card days. I would hide my report card and I'd tell him don't tell mom, we got a report card. And of course, because he got all A's, he's like my mom's, like where's yours? I'm like, oh, my gosh. And so I was that student. I always passed, but it was always a struggle for me, gotcha, whereas my brother, I feel like, just came more natural. But I was a social butterfly. No-transcript, I expect this. I'm not like that with them. Just because I know it was a struggle for me and I know because of the kids I have, if they are struggling there's a reason. Yeah, either that particular concept's hard, the teaching method, that teacher's not for them, but there's a reason because they don't usually struggle.
Speaker 2:So you have to know your kids. Of course, you have to know your kids to be able to help them and help them efficiently. So for the most part, yeah, my kids don't ask me for help, but it's because they usually don't need it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just came to the realization. I want to say last year I had an epiphany. It's like I want to say last year I had an epiphany. I was like why is he struggling? Like my kid, either he gets it and if he doesn't get it he's completely discouraged.
Speaker 2:And then I had an epiphany like I wasn't a good student, like, and we forget that you know we forget that we really do because we grew up and we're so successful, especially at school, like I'm, a big school person now right, but I always have to remember like, oh my god, maybe it was the distractions, maybe because I was a social butterfly, I was not a student, I was a and, like I said, I was in hard curriculums.
Speaker 2:I did IB in Atlantic. So you know, that was nothing easy. But again, because my brother was like my mom's like, okay, it, it can be done, you just are not applying yourself. And I'm like I am. And she's like, no, you're not. And you know it's hard to argue with that. Because again, here was my brother, he had the same teachers, you know. So my mom's like why you can't do it? Yeah, it was hard to really tell, especially being a Caribbean parent. We're different. She's like, okay, you're just not applying yourself. And I'm like you know, so, um, I'm thankful for it now that I look at it. But I definitely think about that when I deal with my kids.
Speaker 1:I definitely do and that's how I feel with my son. But then I have to remember I always think about it like I'm pretty sure, like seeing my student, seeing my son, like I know I had a learning disability and my mom did not play that Like she didn't want to hear it, that wasn't even on the table.
Speaker 1:No, figure it out. So I just somebody asked me to write an excerpt. Somebody's publishing a book and they asked me to explain what did I get right Like in my career? How did I get to this point? What's the one thing you did right? And I had to really sit down and think about it.
Speaker 1:Like how I got to this point was that early on I knew that I learned differently from everybody else and I knew that it was a lot harder for me as a student to catch on to certain concepts. So I would see my friends like they put in no effort, got good grades. It was like not a big deal. And here I was on the struggle bus deal. And here I was on the struggle bus, putting in effort and like barely getting C's when it comes to like math and science, which is crazy, because that's the career path that I chose to follow.
Speaker 1:But I always, I guess, maintain that motivation because I was just interested. So by the time I got to high school I would tell myself like girl, you need to like math and science is not your thing, you need to find something else. And even my teachers would like hey, you're great at writing, why don't you pursue something in the arts? And I just wasn't interested in that. I was interested in the sciences, but I was horrible't interested in that. I was interested in the sciences, but I was horrible at it, but that interest is what kept me going.
Speaker 1:So, now I tell my son, like look, I wasn't good at it either, I was just interested. So in, I think, anatomy and physiology, like in high school, and chemistry, one of my teachers chemistry teacher you probably had him. I'm not gonna say his name because I'm sure a lot of people had him.
Speaker 1:But he looked at my chemistry work, like the way I was working it out, and he was just like this is terrible, like, and he would always let me retest. And I just kept failing the test. And so one day he's like well, let me see what you're doing. And he just made a comment like oh, after looking at my work, like you would be better chasing trucks on I-95. And he just handed the paper back to me, like it's enough, wow so. And it was like all right, wow so. And it was like all right, I'll see you again next week, don't worry about it. Like, I'll figure it out. Give me my book and I would take the chemistry book home and at the old Atlantic they didn't even allow you to take the chemistry books home and he would just be like you can take it like you need it you need
Speaker 1:it and that happened like that and I don't know. I never dropped the class. I never went to like a guidance counselor like hey, can you take me out of this class? I was just gonna figure it out. So in the book I just wrote that I had a commitment to being a lifelong learner, to being a lifelong learner. It was just. This is what piqued my interest. I got it wrong, I failed, all right, that did not bother me. We had a math class.
Speaker 1:I think I got stuck in like I didn't get put in advanced classes or AP classes until my junior year of high school. I definitely fell through the cracks and shout out to the substitute teachers because it was them who went to administration like she doesn't belong in these classes, like why is she here? And they even asked me like hey, your work is good, why are you here? And I'm like I don't know. This is what they, this is the schedule they gave me. So I didn't even get introduced to the world of, like, ap learning or anything like that. You know the annex at the old Atlantic, that the other world. I didn't get introduced to that till my junior year.
Speaker 2:So that was my world.
Speaker 1:yeah, and I was late to the party and it really was like a different world. People were actually learning people and when I say people, I'm talking about students. Students actually enjoyed the content and the curriculum that they were being taught. That was not something. So me being introduced to that world so late in the game. When it comes to my son, I'm like hey, you need to know this stuff now. Like, take an interest now, because it's going to open you up to so many opportunities and you don't have to be the best, you just have to give effort.
Speaker 1:But, when I say my son is like chill mode all the time.
Speaker 2:Most are like that.
Speaker 1:Most of them are the same way. Yeah, there is nothing. I'm just like son. You don't want to know, just for yourself. Nope, this is good enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a generation. My kids are the same way Very nonchalant. They're not going to do no more than is asked of them. Yeah, like you said, you were motivated to go beyond. No, if they say a five paragraph essay, my son is writing three to five sentences, probably three, because that's a. That's a paragraph, mommy, right. And then he's writing the five and I'm like but there's so much more, mom, that's all they ask I'm like okay and I leave it alone because it's so mediocre.
Speaker 2:Now, yeah, and we weren't even, but you know, so much was handwritten and all that. Now it's all in the computer and so we were expected. I think we were held at a higher level as well. Yeah, and I was in that world the whole time. You know, I was in IB and so I was in AP, everything and on. You know. So for me it was like this is my norm and I think, I just took that and that's how I am.
Speaker 2:Even now, it's like I always go the extra mom. My kids always, they say it all the time Mom, you're so extra, you're so extra and I'm like, okay, just because I'm doing more than I asked for, but nobody asked you to do that and I'm like, okay, but that's what I'm able to. No, they're like, uh, mom, a, that's enough, don't, don't let it go now.
Speaker 1:I'm like okay so don't feel any type of way.
Speaker 2:They're all like that same age my son's 11.
Speaker 1:My 15 year old does it too, you know so yeah, I just had to explain to my son like okay, do you want to stand out or you want to be basic, like that's the nicest way I can put it yeah, he's like well, what's wrong with that?
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh my gosh all right, yep, that's my daughter. Basic yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's just interesting to see, um, I guess, looking at everything, because my son, I see so much of myself in him, but then he has this level of chill that reminds me of his dad and I'm like, oh, my goodness, the chill side of you is like gonna put me in an early grave, because I'm here like, oh, we have to do this and we have to prepare, and and he's like like, okay, we were talking about his schedule. And he's like, okay, and what about my day off, which day which I'm like you know?
Speaker 2:what you're right, we're gonna strike the balance.
Speaker 1:We're gonna do some fun stuff, we're gonna strike the balance. So now this year, my goal is really to show him like, yeah, we can work hard, but we can play hard too.
Speaker 1:Yeah we're gonna put in this work and then we're going to vibe out. We're going to, maybe we'll take a couple of trips right, or every month, or we'll make sure to do something special, whether it's going to the movies. Maybe once a month instead of, like a regular movie theater, we'll do the premiere, or we'll do I pick, you know, just something nice to relax, to show him like, yeah, you work hard but you also get rewards you know, for your hard work, and that's something that I've had to learn just through different challenges and me trying to figure out, like, why is this so hard, why is this so difficult?
Speaker 1:And just replaying, like, okay, what's something that I that I could have done better, like, how can I make this easier? How can I make it more enjoyable, like you said? So, with that being said, what are, like, your three biggest challenges right now as a mom?
Speaker 2:your three biggest challenges right now as a mom? Definitely time. Okay, like I said, the day goes by so quick, and so I am thankful that I'm able to, you know, enjoy these things with them, but it goes so quick. Time, time, time is there's not enough. There's never enough time. Surprisingly, potty trained him. Really Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so he's home with me all day, every day. He's been home since covid. Um, he's actually a very, very smart and very, very well-behaved child. So while I'm doing my work during the day, most of the time he'll just sit next to me on his pretend laptop or his ipad or whatever, and he's very, very good okay um but he is very challenging.
Speaker 2:He's my typical covet baby. He knows how to potty, he knows what to do with the potty, but he'll just blatantly say no, I'm good. And I'm like, uh, we've tried stickers, I've tried other rewards, I've tried the whole cereal in the toilet. Like, this boy is like unbothered. And so for me it's like everyone says the same thing oh, he'll get it. You know when he's ready, will? It's like when are you gonna be ready? He just turned three and of course I didn't have this with my other kids, so it's like huh, so that's actually a very big challenge of mine. I actually had to put him on a schedule every hour. I was like let's go, let's go. So yesterday was the first day he went the whole day actually pottying. But it wasn't him telling me, it's just me like let's go, let's go, um. And then I would say financial, because you want so much to do with them, but everything is so expensive nowadays. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And even like traveling. You know, again, I'm big with traveling with my kids. I love taking them on adventures. They've been on numerous cruises. We've been to tons of countries. You know different things. Like it's out there, we're doing a zip line in Paris. They've done all that with me, but now everything's so pricey. Yeah, parasail, and they've done all that with me, but now everything's so pricey. Yeah, and now the older, they get their adult prices, you know. And so it's like even just a typical trip.
Speaker 2:I'm paying for four seats on a plane, you know. Just one flight, it's expensive. Yeah, I'm paying for the hotel, then we need to eat while we're there, then you want to do some excursions, and so I find now I'm like gosh, there's just not enough money and there's not enough time. Um, other than that, I think I'm very happy with the kids I have. I can't say behavior. Running my mom group, I hear a lot of complaints about different things that people experience with their kids, and I'm so thankful. It makes me very, very happy to have the kids I have, because a lot of the struggles I hear from other moms I don't have Having a teenage daughter. I don't worry about a lot of the issues people are going through right now runaways and emotional issues and I don't have any of that. My son, my 11 year old.
Speaker 2:You know, some people worry about behavior and I don't have those issues, and so I'm very, very thankful with that that. Those are. My biggest problems is, you know, just time, not having enough time, not having enough money to do what I want to do, and then the three year old driving me crazy with the potty training.
Speaker 1:Is the three-year-old. I'm just curious are they still in a pull-up Like? Is that what you do to?
Speaker 2:make sure there are no accidents. So we were literally in a diaper. He just turned three on Sunday the 4th. So we've done the whole diaper thing. We've done the briefs. He's had briefs since he was two. He's had a potty since he was two. So just think about how long I've been trying to do this and I've done the whole.
Speaker 2:Stay in the brief all day and see what you know, most people are like they don't like being wet. No, this boy literally will wet himself, wait till it dries and then just go again. He did not care. And I'm like what? And I remember I used to take him to the park and we run around and this guy one day was like, oh, I think he went on his self. And I'm like, yeah, we're potty training. And he just kept playing like nothing had even happened.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, and I was like it was until we were walking to the car. I'm like, did you go on your self? He's like, yes, I was like, do you not feel nasty? Like huh. So, um, we've tried it off and so now today's been pull-ups, yesterday was pull-ups, um, and so yesterday we only had one accident, accident number two. But, like I said, I put him on every hour, so he was peeing in the potty. Today it didn't go as well. Every time I went he already had gone himself and I'm like, hey, now we're gonna have to go to 30 minutes, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:I'm hoping he gets to the point of like I'm hoping he gets to the point of like I'm annoyed, annoyed Mom, like stop bringing me when I don't have to go and I'll be like well, tell me when you have to go. You don't have to do this, Right? So that's what I'm trying to get to Like keep interrupting him. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Look, you are a behavior analyst for sure whether you know it or? Not because that is something that we would do. Do change those intervals of time when it comes to potty training if they're having accidents. Yep, so you're right on track it may take. I don't know it may take him.
Speaker 1:I've seen kids speed up with the potty training once they get in that preschool setting, you know once they start to get around peers and they have a little more of the social aspect because they don't like to be interrupted to use the bathroom. So it may take even longer and you may have to spend more time away from your friends if you have an accident at school and now we got to stop, pull you away from the group, change your clothes, wipe you down, clean you up all of that. So usually from my experience I've seen kids kind of pick it up a little faster because you know school moves very quickly and they will get left behind in an instant. Will get left behind in an instant. You will be in the bathroom getting cleaned up and they're over here at circle time, story time, recess, snack time like you're gonna miss out.
Speaker 2:So and it's funny you say that because I've actually went to talk to a school, because most of the schools up here they have to be potty trained at three, but I did find a school that does potty train him at okay. So of course I've been holding off because it's like I don't want to put more money into daycare, especially when I'm home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I thought about that aspect as well. I'm like maybe the social even just not wanting to be wet in front of his friends, you know like, oh, the rest of my friends are going, I want to go right and so, versus just being home with mommy, you know. So I have actually been looking into that. So it's funny you say that, um, that's my next step. Well, I think.
Speaker 1:I think I don't know. Actually, I don't know how it works in the state of Georgia, but I know at the age of four you should be able to get like the voucher. It isn't income based, so at least you know those first four hours you can send him if you wanted to keep him home. Like you can still keep him home the second or the latter half of the day and then, you know, send him in the morning. So that's an option.
Speaker 2:So they do have that, unfortunately, because he's not till February, I get that, but I wouldn't be able to actually utilize it till the new school year. It's like the Georgia pre-K, so he would be, yeah, he would be four, but not be able to start until, like that, august and I'm like, oh. So that's why I was looking at the option, but I was even looking at, you know, even if I didn't want to continue it.
Speaker 2:Just start him in the daycare kind of let him get used to that, see how it works and then, if I need to take him out Because, like I said, I'm home, he's learning, so that's not a problem?
Speaker 1:It's yeah. Well, it sounds like you're on the right track. Now it's just going to be up to him. And time, unfortunately, it's going to be up to him.
Speaker 2:And consistency.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's very hard to try, you know, especially when I'm working during the day and I'm in the middle of a meeting. I'm like, well, now it's going to be 45 minutes instead of 30. You know. So it is consistency, consistency, and I mean that's why my hat's off to teachers, because it's a lot, it's hard, kids are stubborn absolutely so.
Speaker 1:Yeah you, you sound like a teacher you sound like a teacher.
Speaker 2:The mom teachers. Yeah, you end up being a teacher without even knowing it uh, what was my next question?
Speaker 1:I was gonna say, okay, this is like my favorite question and I feel like it's always a different, like completely different um, and I'll give you a minute to kind of think on it. But what was your most recent shitty mom experience most recent?
Speaker 2:shitty mom experience. Hmm. So let's see, you're right, let's think about this. I guess it's how you define the shitty mom moment. So we have the literal with the three-year-old. I can talk about that. He was in a pull-up and I'm like, yeah, we're doing good and, as you can imagine, pull-ups don't hold as much. Yeah.
Speaker 2:As a number two. So when he came to me he said, mommy, I went on myself, can you change me? And I'm like, no, you're not doing it, you know that'll maybe make you stop going, so going. So by the time I actually did get to him, it was coming out the top. That was my literal mom moment. But I will say, other than that, I would say that just recently and this is actually like less than a week ago my son being in middle school now the 11, 11 year old he actually had been home with me. He was doing homeschool ever since virtual ever since COVID. So he had been home with me since March of 2020. So, if you think about it, he had been home since second grade and had not even been inside of a school until now sixth grade, middle school. So you're jumping from elementary, you know totally different to now sixth grade and fast forward.
Speaker 2:I was praying, I said, when we went to open house, because he's totally different personality than my daughter. My daughter went through the same middle school but she's more reserved, introverted. He's more like uh, my face is going to show up before my mouth says it and he's in honors and stuff. So I knew the teachers. And so I went to open house and told the teachers hey, please call me immediately, because I know him um step on his shoe wrong. He's a shoe head, it's a problem, you know. So he's that personality. And so I get a call.
Speaker 2:So, funny, I was at home working and I got a call monday and it was his school and I saw the caller id and as soon as I answered, the assistant principal said hey, can I speak to miss martin? I said yes, your day going. I was like it was good until you called what's up? And he's like oh, you know, no calls good. I said nope, y'all always send home letters for good news. You don't call me. And so here it is. My biggest fear had come true. They're like what? This is a straight, a student now. And they were like we don't want to call it bullying, but he's been teasing the kid, like he's been having trouble with the kid. I said what? And so my mind is like, oh my God, where did I fail as a mother?
Speaker 2:You know, it's your first thought you definitely don't want your kid bullying. I've always been like we don't act, like we're better than anybody or anything, so I was like what? But then I had to take that moment and shift it really quickly and I said wait, let me ask some questions here, because I know my kid. Everybody knows their kid, and so when I started asking the right questions, it was like it was him being who he is. He was not picking on anybody.
Speaker 2:He would answer a question, or anybody in class would answer a question with a teacher and that particular boy would say something smart Like oh, that's the wrong answer, or how did he get that wrong that's? You know something like that. Okay, all the other kids would be quiet and kind of just take it, my child doesn't take it, okay. So he would then turn around and come back at him with something. You know whether it's like oh well, you, you said stupid answer too, or you have a big head, whatever it was, yeah, but because he actually went home and complained about it, whereas my child just took it as a daily thing. You know, whatever he, whatever he now got, my kid got in trouble for it, and so it's so funny.
Speaker 2:I'm on the phone with the assistant principal and then they brought the guys counselor in and I taught them something. They're like, yeah, number one, your son is so honest. We asked him every question. He was honest, whether he was going to get in trouble or not. He was honest. I'm like, yeah, that's always admired him for that. Okay.
Speaker 2:But I had to kind of think about it and at that moment I'm like Whoa, this is wrong, you know. And so it's so funny now that I spoke to them they're like, now that you said it to us, we kind of understand what happened. You're right, you know. It's like that kid dished it but couldn't take it, yeah. And so it was so funny that all that now got resolved just by me asking the right questions, whereas I could have taken it, took that shitty moment and said, oh dang, what can I do now to help my child from this bully.
Speaker 2:And so I say that to say that sometimes the moment we feel like we're failing or we failed or we've done something incorrectly, or think about it Because I always, always tell people, it's not that you did it wrong, you did it differently yeah okay, or you may need to look at it differently, because a moment for me that I consider like a failure or oh my gosh, somebody else is looking at like dang, congratulations, you know, you did pretty good, because that's something they couldn't do or they wanted to do work, and so it. That's why I said it really just depends on how you define shitty, you know, because it's like emotionally, physically, in the sense of my three-year-old, physically. So I definitely that was a moment for me, though, A. Moment.
Speaker 2:I've never gone to because, like I said, my daughter is just not that personality, never got a call regarding her daughter, is just not that personality, Never got a call regarding her. And so, to get that first call, it was like my biggest fear had come true, because I knew that him going to middle school now and being in that environment, especially a school that, like the school he goes to it, reminded me of my middle school and I was like Lord, please keep him these three years, because his mouth is going to get him in trouble.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, when they called me. That was the first thing I thought, like oh, that's literally what I said. Like oh. But thankfully it all worked out. It was a big misunderstanding and now, going forward, they've told him like look, if he provokes you, you tell us first and I'm like thank you. So now they're aware of it yeah so that's good.
Speaker 1:I feel like I. I have a very outspoken child as well and that's my biggest fear. I'm like, if you don't slow down, if you don't tone it down, middle school is going to be a challenge and I just keep trying to prepare him. Him like listen, you are very outspoken, sometimes too outspoken, and everyone does not like that. Adults definitely don't like that, I'm like. So now you know we talk every day after school and he's just like running down what happened, giving me the tea, as I call it yeah and I'm always catching myself asking him like oh, you didn't say that, did you?
Speaker 1:oh, you didn't say that, did you?
Speaker 2:yeah, I'm the same way, because when my son was on zoom he used to mute the mic, and you can't mute the mic in school.
Speaker 2:You know he'd mute the mic and be like why is she asking such a dumb question? And I'm like I hope you didn't say he's like no, my mic's muted. So now that he's in person, I'm like please don't say anything. You know he's like I'm not, but you know the teacher. And I'm like just don't, please, just don't, because I'm the same way. But I've learned that it's good for them as well. Like you said, with adults definitely not. But kids are so rude nowadays, so mean.
Speaker 2:I feel like once they feel like they can get over on you, they're going to continue it yeah so I do like that part of him where he's like mom, I'm not that type, I'm not gonna take it and I'm like I don't blame you yeah because now they know that you're not that type to just lay down and take it, and they don't, and so he's holding his own and he's doing great and so, um, I am, I am thankful for that, I was fearful.
Speaker 1:My son's shifting just a little bit and I always say it's scary how much he reminds me of myself at that age Because, even though he is outgoing and like a social butterfly, like his dad, what I'm starting to notice now he is adamant about coming home every day instead of going to aftercare. And we pay for aftercare like I need it because the nature of my job I may get stuck with a client or with a kid. I don't know what's going to happen. So aftercare is my safety net. And every single day he is relentless like do I have to go? Do I have to go to aftercare? Can you pick me up from parent pickup? Can I just go home? Can I just be a car rider? And I'm like dude, I'm paying for aftercare because me and your dad need you to go.
Speaker 1:Like everybody in this family has to participate. We got to help each other out. The way you help us is by going to aftercare. So after like the first month of him just being adamant like do I have to go today, can you pick me up today? We kind of negotiated like okay, you will go to aftercare, I'm still paying for five days a week. You have to absolutely go two out of the five days a week, so that way I can work a full day, your dad can work a full day and we can get paid. Like can you at least do that? So now, even with the two days he agreed. But now he's like all right, I'm going to go these two days, but do I have to stay the whole time? Like can you pick me up early from aftercare?
Speaker 2:So after a while.
Speaker 1:I'm like, well, what is going on? Initially I thought he was just trying to get home to the video game and, like his friends who go home early or who are like parent pickup or walk walkers, they can play on the game longer than he can if he's in aftercare. And then yesterday, actually on the way to school, he was like you know, it's just, it's a lot of kids, it's crazy, it's a lot of drama. I'm I just don't want to be around that and I'm like you, like my social butterfly, you don't want to be around that. And I'm like you, like my social butterfly, you don't want to be around the drama. And he just, he was like, honestly, they act like they're already in middle school. And I'm like, well, honey, you're going to middle school.
Speaker 1:So there is no escape from the drama, from the craziness, from the chaos, from the relationship drama that happens in middle school. Like you guys are getting older and this is what's around you. So, yeah, you're gonna encounter this in middle school as well. And I'm just so shocked at a kid who always wants to be around other kids. Now he's like it's too much, I want to go home. And I'm just so taken aback because I was like that maybe in like third grade, my mom had me register for aftercare and I would walk right past aftercare and go to my grandma's house every day until my mom stopped paying for it and I was just like I'd rather be at my grandma's house than in aftercare. And I had the same sentiments. I shared the same sentiments that he has right now. I don't like being all around all those kids. It's too much chaos, they always get in trouble, they always get in trouble. Then I get in trouble because the whole group just gets in trouble and I'm I'm really starting to see, I guess, another level of maturity.
Speaker 2:I guess, however mature you can be as a fifth grader, um you got it yeah, mine was the same way yeah, it's funny, he was the same way he did not want to do after school. So I actually, because I spoiled him, I made a way where he didn't have to go to after school and again it was back in second grade and then he got blessed with covid, so then you know they're at home, but he was the same way he did not want to do after school. My daughter, she did not want to do after school and I'm like why? Yeah, but it makes sense. There probably is a lot of drama you think about. It's like they're probably not being as watched as they are during the school day. And all the kids, although he's a social butterfly, your son's probably like I don't like this social life, like I don't like this drama. Yeah, which is good. That speaks volumes to him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. So I'm just like, okay, maybe he will be okay when he gets to middle school. So the next question I have, with the challenges that you spoke of earlier time potty training finances, what are some? Of the strategies that you are using right now to to help you out with these challenges. Or you know the potty training we talked about all day.
Speaker 2:We did that one. But time, like I think, like what I was speaking about before, doing stuff at the same time as other things to accomplish. So, like helping my son study for a test, I might be cooking dinner and I'm testing him as I'm, you know, cooking. Just have him in the kitchen with me talking, wanting to work out. I'm like there's not enough time. Well, I can bring my son to the park, he can play while I work out during lunch.
Speaker 2:So now, not enough time? Well, I can bring my son to the park, he can play while I work out during lunch. So now I'm using my lunch time wisely. Oh, um, yeah, I used to do that, actually during lunch. So it worked out that it's now, uh, like 11 30 and I'll be like, okay, let's go to park for 30 minutes to an hour and I would get my workout in while he's playing. So not only did that tire him out, but then it helped me to get my workout in. Um, you know, I didn't have to use any of my work day, and so that was a big lesson. So definitely, with time, I've learned to do it in a way that I can do multiple things at one time, or knock out more than one thing at one time. So that definitely helps. I do plan every month a weekend of nothing.
Speaker 2:So it's not necessarily it's never, ever nothing, because I find myself when I'm not leaving town or doing something in town I'm still cleaning or something at the house, but I'm not physically having to get up and go anywhere. I do try to have one weekend out of the month that I'm like whew, I really don't have to wake up and rush anywhere. I mean, yes, I have to take my daughter a lot of times to practice, but you're not having to get dressed and go do something. You know, um, cause that's draining. You know it's very draining when Monday through Friday you're working and then you find yourself every weekend doing something.
Speaker 2:Yeah so um, I do try to do that and just have a day where it's like, okay, I may still have to do stuff at the house, but, um, I'm not having to get up and go.
Speaker 2:Um, so those days are more of like I do travel agency, so hat many hats, but those days, yes, ma'am, so those days will be more spent on my computer putting together um stuff for people with travel agency and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Um, and then financial, it's all these little side gigs, yeah. So, um, you know, it's the stuff that I like to do and get paid for it, maybe extra gas, maybe a trip to the grocery store, little stuff like that. And then, of course, like you know, cut back cooking more. So now that I'm working from home, I'm like, well, now I can meal prep, or, because I don't have a busy evening, I could put something in the oven during the day and have that ready for the kids. So then you save on the constant junk food or eating out. So I definitely have different things that I try to put into play to help me with the challenges I face. Um, sometimes better than others, but, um, I definitely do have those in place and I think they work. I think they do work out for me Um most of the time definitely.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's cool. So usually these are what we call what you just described, those strategies or those new behaviors. I'm telling you you are like a behavior analyst, so that's what we call replacement behaviors. So we've identified, like your target behaviors, the challenging or the challenging behaviors or or the challenging behaviors, or I don't want to say maladaptive, but the behaviors you want to change basically, and what you just described are the replacement behaviors. It's something that's functionally equivalent, so you get the desirable outcomes, but now you're engaging in more favorable behaviors and just to let you know, like everything that you're saying, whether you realize it or not.
Speaker 1:I've been writing it down because all of those can be replacement behaviors and usually I go through those like at the end of the show, but there are just so many, so I'm excited. I don't know. I'll probably do like some notes or something like that for someone else, and usually I save that for the end, just to let people like if they want to get a pen and paper and write some stuff down. I mean, I have a running list and I'm just sitting here like, damn, I see why she has a mom group like you.
Speaker 1:You are gyms you are gyms. So tell me about the mom group Like is is that your mommy village? Is it the mommy village that you're cultivating for other moms?
Speaker 2:Like dive deeper into that, so um it's still being worked out, but, um, it is definitely trying to be a movement.
Speaker 1:So it's trying to be for other moms.
Speaker 2:So, again, what I wanted to get out of it is these kids will grow up, these kids will go off to college, go do their own thing, and we're left looking like what do I like to do? What do I have for myself, because we put so much into our kids, and so I know that for me I was doing that. I was that. Uh, for me I was doing that. I was that type it's like okay, track season's over, now, what are we doing? Because I was a team mom for my daughter and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:So I really started this group because people would literally message me on Facebook or Instagram and say, hey, you went on that trip with your kids. I'm like, yeah, wait by yourself. I'm like, yeah, how'd you do that? I'm like what do you mean? And for me it was like what are they asking? But then I think about I'm like a lot of people struggle with that. They want to take trips with their kids, they want to do things with their kids, but they don't even know where to start because financially they're stressful. Physically it's like, dang, I'm about to go out with three, four kids, you know, and a lot of times I bring my stepdaughter with me. So it was like, okay, she's really about to go out with four kids.
Speaker 2:But but, I thought about saying you know, I want to start something where people would feel like a safe space to ask these questions and it's not just being asked to me, but other moms have the same questions or other moms have solutions, and so I know me personally being here in town been here since 2009,. I don't feel like I knew as many people as I should. I didn't have that support when I came here. It was just me and my mother, okay, and I was like if it wasn't for my boss.
Speaker 2:I had nobody to put down as even an emergency contact on my daughter's thing because I was in a new town, I had nobody. And so with my group, you know, we're still kind of working out things, but so far we've done like pop-up shops to kind of introduce people to my group. I've only been doing it since last year, February, of introduce people to my group. I've only been doing it since last year, February, so it's exactly a year. I've collabed with other people speaking at different events. And then, most recently, December for me was like I loved it because I was able to give back which is why I'm thinking of turning my group into a nonprofit, which we spoke about before but I was able to give back to moms that needed help for the holidays. You know we always want our kids to smile, you always want them to have something under the tree and, let's face it, not everybody can do it, especially a single mom. And so through my community, through the other moms in my group, we were able to bless moms with things that they had on their wishlist on their angel tree, and that for me was just monumental, Like I loved it, because you know what comes easy to me or what my kids see as it's Christmas, this is what I expect. Other kids are just happy to open something because that's not expected, you know.
Speaker 2:And so I think, just being a mom and I don't do only single moms, Of course that's what I am, but I've had married women that are like I feel like I'm single because, yes, dad is here, yes, husband is here, but he's working, or he doesn't understand the struggles because he thinks mom got it, you know. And so just connecting with them sick moms I met a mom through my group that you know have illnesses and you wouldn't be able to tell because I call them super moms. I'm like they're still running around doing this, but they're struggling with lupus, they're struggling with diabetes problem, you know, like all these issues that I wouldn't know on the surface, but they're able to connect with other moms that are going through the same thing. Um, two people in my group actually connected uh through one of my uh wind down Wednesdays and now they're like the best of friends. Uh, their daughters play together, they're able to go to events together.
Speaker 2:I love it Because I'm like, if I did and I actually told him this other day I said, if I did nothing else with this group, I brought y'all together. And they're like you're doing a great thing with this group and I'm like wait you know that.
Speaker 2:I'm glad to hear that, but that's what I want. I want you to be able. I need someone to ask questions. I don't have all the answers, but I tell people.
Speaker 2:I've had experience from raising now a 15 year old and 11 year old and now a brand new COVID baby. I'm like, if you ask me anything about a teenager and adolescents or a COVID, I got you because I'm going through it. And then the other part of my group is the fact that kids go through a lot too. The world that we were raised in is not the world they live in, and I learned a lot of that from my daughter and her friends. I mean just hearing the struggles. I mean something as simple as you don't just check male or female anymore. Now it's binary, it's non-binary and I'm like, wow, and it's very, very prevalent. There is a big struggle. And so I really started this group to not only for parents to understand kids, but for kids to really understand what we go through as mothers. You know, I'm like, again, I'm blessed with my kids and I always have to reiterate that Because even right now, as we're talking, they're taking care of their three old brother, they're handling him for me.
Speaker 2:I don't have to worry about that I know that he's good and it's a blessing when I go to work, when I do my extra shifts.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, watch your brother, I'll be back. A lot of moms don't have that, yeah, and I'm very thankful that I have that in my kids and other people I've met through the community. And that's what I'm trying to build up. Ultimately, I want to be able to build up a community, a safe space to where you could trust your kid with the next person because you know them, you've talked to them, you know what their standards are, what they accept, what they don't accept. You can trust your kid with them, because we can't trust a lot of people with our kids. I mean the world we live in. And then, ultimately, I want to give back. I was a mom in college. I would love to give scholarships, I would love to give support to moms. I'd love to be able to do grocery shopping. You know, give out grocery cards, things like that, just to make a mom's life easier.
Speaker 2:You know and I don't want the dads to feel any type of way, because there are single dads out there as well. But you know, obviously I can speak on what I know I'm going through as a mother and so that's why I gear it towards the mothers. But just trying to make your life as easy as possible emotionally, understand your kids and physically, because I know, as a mother, as blessed as I am with the degrees I have, with the opportunities I've had. I wasn't always here and I must say my childhood was great. My mom and dad were wonderful. I made it hard for myself in college. I think that because I was now an adult, you know, quote unquote I thought I could do it all and I think a lot of what the challenges I went through was in college, but it helped make me who I am today and so just want to be that support Definitely. You know I'm still kind of, like I said, trying to figure things out, but it's working, it's getting there.
Speaker 1:Definitely, definitely, is just to clarify do you have a, a village, uh, like a mommy village, like a? What village a mommy village? Yeah, like a local mommy village um who helps you? We're getting.
Speaker 2:We're getting there. We're getting there. Wow so, um. Through my group, I've definitely met some wonderful moms, um, but I think they have their own challenges, so I think I'm more of a support for them right now, but I know, ultimately, if I needed any of them, there's people that I've connected with in town that I could I could literally call, and I know that they would have me and my kids back Right.
Speaker 2:So, um definitely it's not a, not probably, where I want it to be like a daily hey, let me call and check on you, or even a weekly hangout or anything like that.
Speaker 2:We're getting there, you know I'm trying that's another thing I'm trying to do is start having events that, even for those that can't find sitters, I have like a sitter in place where I have a playroom for the kids to where we could sit around and read a book, we could sit around and talk, we could drink some wine and have that, like you know, time together, as you call it, mommy time. And.
Speaker 2:I don't have to worry about. Oh, I got to find a sitter first, you know. And then, of course, you'll have the nights where it's like, okay, everybody get a sitter, we're going to go out dancing or something like that. So I'm getting there. Like I said, I know when I started. So even you have been a great resource and so I'm learning a lot and I'm hoping to get there to get to that point.
Speaker 1:That is amazing because you would think in 2024, things would be easier for a working mom, mom, and most of the time you find the same challenges that moms had back in the day. You know are the same exact challenges that we are still facing, depending on what path you chose in life or whatever where life decided to take you as a parent, especially for the moms. You constantly hear moms being forced to choose between career and home, finances and home taking care of the kids versus going to work.
Speaker 2:If you don't have a support system, you have nothing, and I feel like we have it harder, honestly, yeah, and I say that just because, um, things have gotten so much more expensive. Uh, child care is so expensive. Yeah, you know, back in the day, I know, even when my mom raising us she was a nurse 12-hour shifts, we couldn't even do as many activities we wanted because she couldn't get us there yeah, but my grandma.
Speaker 2:My grandma was right there, my grandma was local. My mom, you know, just like you were saying, before you pass a aftercare and go to grandma's house, we just go to grandma. She cooked dinner's ready. Yeah, you know, go pick up your containers. Um, you know, it was different. We had each other, just go outside and play.
Speaker 2:Nowadays, I think, uh, technology's taking over. If you don't physically grab your kids and say, hey, let's go do something, they're in the room on the video games, they're in the room on YouTube, on TikTok, and so I think that's a big struggle for me, because sometimes I'm like, hey, guys, get off, get off the video game. But then they're like, well, what are we going to do? And I'm like, shoot, I don't know. Because now it's like they want to do something and I'm like I don't know what we're going to do. So I think we have it harder. I really do, because I think it's that all around struggle of everything, like you said, trying to do that nine to five.
Speaker 2:The job still expects you to be 100% worker, but, god forbid, your child gets sick. I got to go take them to the doctor. What can I? Yeah, um, then you come home and it's like I gotta cook. You know I don't have mom or dad around that dinner's ready. Kids, let's go pick it up. You know I don't have that, so I have to make sure, and you know I I always I shared this thing on my mom group that I loved, because it's like, even if you feed your kid a five-star meal or you feed them cereal, you're a good mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you may wake up this morning and you had time to shower them and change them, or they're going to bed in the same pajamas, you're still a good mom. You know, like it's just things that these standards, that make you feel like I'm defeated or I'm being a bad mom. It's like, no, you're still a good mom, you're just doing it differently. Or today was harder than yesterday, and it's OK because parenting is different. Parenting is different in everybody's eyes, but it doesn't make you less of a mother or a father. You know. You're still a good parent and I think that's the thing people have to realize is, your way is not wrong, it's just different and it's okay as long as your kid is still getting what they need. You're doing it, look, and that's an encouragement where were you in my life last year?
Speaker 2:I had to tell myself that I had my daughter in college and I had nobody around. Like you got to think about it in college. Your friends don't. I had to tell myself that I had my daughter in college and I had nobody around. Like you got to think about it In college. Your friends don't know how to tell you how to be a mom because they're not a mom. You know, they're partying.
Speaker 2:My mom was six hours away. She would try to tell me stuff on the phone and I remember I feel like I had postpartum. I didn't recognize it.
Speaker 2:But I had a colicky baby. My baby had colic really bad, okay. And I remember one night I told her dad he worked night shift. I said if you go to work tonight you're going to come home to a dead baby. He's like really I said she's driving me crazy.
Speaker 2:But I was trying to do it all. I was going to school during the day to still graduate. I made that promise to my mom. I had to graduate, I to go to work, and although I loved him for it, he was literally having her sleep all day because he had to work at night, so he would sleep during the day. So what did I get at night? A wide awake baby. And so I was not getting sleep.
Speaker 2:But as a mother, it's like I got to do it. I have to do it. I made the promise to my mom and that was my thing. For my mom, she was so distraught when I got pregnant because she did not want me dropping out of school. So my promise was I'm going to graduate and on time, and I did. And then my thing was we still got to eat, I still got to make money, and so I had to go to work. At one point I was working two jobs and then he was working, but he was working night shifts to be able to keep her, because it's like we don't have daycare money. So you know it was a lot, but it's like I did it. Sometimes I look back and I'm like how did I do?
Speaker 1:it. That is amazing. And you went to school engineering, holy.
Speaker 2:Yes, ma'am, I remember, um, I always say hats off to my my child's father because he did keep her, and then hats off to my teacher. I was actually having to bring her to class sometimes because she was a breastfed baby, did not want pump milk, she did not want it in the bottle, and so sometimes I was like I have to bring her and my teacher's like just sit in the back and if she gets too loud just go outside. I'm like thank you. And so they helped me a lot as well. Yeah, they were very, very caring and considerate of my you know what I had going on and still allowed me to come to class and do what I needed to do.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I made it, because if moms and if women don't have that support, it's almost like we still have to choose between motherhood and poverty, because that, you know, it puts you on that path. Hey, I can't work as much. I need to be available to my child. You know, daycare is insane right now and it was insane. It was insane 11 years ago when I was trying to put my child in daycare. I think we paid something crazy like $8.95 a month and that was just a basic daycare.
Speaker 1:my and it's worse yeah, my standard was I just wanted him to be alive when I came to pick him up, like that, that was it. They were not doing anything spectacular. They did not have this phenomenal curriculum that was going to make your kid a baby genius. Now I did look at those schools, but those schools wanted two grand a month. I couldn't afford that. So we had to settle for the $8.95 a month and I'm like, hey, just don't leave my kid in the car. I'm a teacher, I'll figure the rest out myself.
Speaker 1:I just need him to be alive, don't let him chill he's doing great, yeah, it's okay right it panned out, yeah, but I can only imagine, like, if you don't have that mindset of all or nothing, I have to keep going. I don't have any other choices. It's almost like then the moms that I know of, they struggle financially because they want to be present, or they struggle financially because I have to raise my child. I don't have anybody to keep them um and I can't afford to put them in school, so they just take the brunt end of it through finances and they still they end up suffering.
Speaker 1:It's, it's wild that I guess our country really hasn't moved forward, um, something like paid maternity leave, why? Why is that? Like a dream and in a perfect world and it's 2024. You know a lot of private companies that probably could have better employee retention rates, um, lower turnover rates. They don't even attempt to offer those things because they don't have to. And somehow, super moms like yourself, you take the cards you are given and you make magic out of it. Like you, you have a whole career, you have a thriving social life, you have thriving children, you have formed a village within your household, um, to make sure that your whole life is is well-rounded, not for just yourself, but for your kids as well, and it's crazy to me that other moms don't have the resources to be able to do that, and I don't have the resources to be able to do that, and I don't even know how you have the stamina to do it either, because I don't know either yeah, I've just started and I have a support system.
Speaker 1:Like my husband, he's solid. Sometimes I call him, I joke around, I'll call him like Mr Mom, because what, whatever I'm not doing, he, he picks up the slack. Right, and I'll say this year I've like prioritized, but I've given myself a goal. Just using, you know, behavior therapy on myself, I'm like, all right, I'm going to get the house together. I'm going to get the house to a point, into a level of organization that's functional for everyone in the house, right, and I want the house to stay clean. And the reward my reinforcer is going to be a housekeeper. When I get it where I want it, I want somebody else, even if they come in like once a month, even if they come in quarterly, like that's the reward that I'm giving myself and just maintaining a house.
Speaker 1:Staying on top of work. Now my son is in like extracurricular. I am dog tired when I'm done with my day and then I just started the business. So I'll wake up like 12 o'clock in the morning, two o'clock in the morning, and I have to do stuff to stay on top of the business. And I've never been so exhausted in my life to the point where I'm like, all right, how long are we going to keep this up, because this is a lot. You're going to have to start outsourcing some things and then, talking to you, I'm like, damn, I'm not doing enough. Oh no, you're doing enough. Sometimes we do too much.
Speaker 1:It's nice to see that there is someone out there who's doing it. You're very relatable. And you're doing it with a smile on your face. You don't seem like you're going crazy. You're not losing your hair, you're not getting gray hairs. You're staying on top of your health, like you're really on top of all of the significant areas in life that we try to fill.
Speaker 1:As mothers and a lot of us, we just accept the fact that you know what one of these cups you know you say pouring from an empty vessel, one of these cups isn't going to get filled and most of us are okay with that. And it seems like you have found a way to fill all of those cups and to make sure that you're not an empty vessel and I just think that is beautiful. And I think, with you starting your group, the fact that you are reaching out to other moms to keep motivating them to do that, I think that's amazing. So, as we go to to the the end of the show. Um, I just want to ask what advice do you wish you had as a mom? But what advice do you wish you'd had been given sooner?
Speaker 2:Stop having kids? No, I'm kidding. No, I definitely love all my babies. I think the question I would have wanted to have sooner answered would be ask for help. You know, sometimes I always tell people a closed mouth doesn't get fed, and I think my big thing was, and it still is I don't like to bother people. Especially when it comes to my kids, I feel like, um, I had them, I'm going to take care of them. You know, I'm going to do what I need to do for my kids.
Speaker 2:But I know that sometimes, even if it's not blood, even if it's not my immediate family, there's a lot of friends and people out there that would support me and would support what my kids have, you know, going on, and I think a lot of moms are in the same position as me. You're not as trusting, you'll tell you. Let's face it. This world is so different, you know, and it's hard to really trust people, especially with your kids, and I think, I think I could have gotten more help if I would have asked. And even now, like I said, I'm blessed that they're older, but I don't have to ask as much. Kids, kind of, can tend to themselves, but it's hard. As much as I tell people all the time, because they're always like you got it together. You're smiling, like you just said. I look and I do have self love. Okay.
Speaker 2:And I do. Like I said, I find joy in my kids but I have my moments. If I had time to tell half the stuff I've been through, people would be like what Are you kidding me? How did you stay afloat? But you have to find that inner peace. You have to. And then I'm very spiritual too. My mom is a preacher. I was raised in the church. I may not be doing everything she wants me to do, so we're not going to get into that, but I definitely am a true believer in God.
Speaker 2:And I believe that God put me in every place in my life that was meant to be there, from having my daughter in college to moving here to the sticks. I didn't know what Warner Robins was, and here I am and I'm thriving. I love it here. The kids, they love it. They can't even I name other places to go and they're like, no, no, and I'm like y'all want to stay here. Yeah, this is it for them.
Speaker 2:And so I definitely would tell people to ask you know, don't think you're doing it alone, yeah, cause you're not, you're not the only one struggling. We just talked tonight and we found similarities in just our kids, you know. So there's stuff that I could be going through with a kid, that I can learn from another mom, or vice versa, you know. Or we could get our kids together and, before you know it, their support for each other, because they're going through the same thing. And so I think, because we're so closed off and so distrusted of people, we don't ask, we don't ask the right questions, we don't ask for help and if.
Speaker 2:I could do it over, I probably would. I would ask for more help from people because the worst they could do is say no. Yeah, that's the worst they could do, but you never know unless you ask, and I've learned that Absolutely.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, like I always tell my guests, this is a behavior change podcast, behavior modification, whatever you like to call it, behavior modification, whatever you like to call it and you dropped a lot of gems to help a lot of moms, whether they're going through, like the, that inner struggle of I'm not doing enough, or if they're going through that struggle where they are pouring from an empty vessel. From an empty vessel. I really enjoyed this episode because you talked a lot about just joy, and that is something that I don't hear a lot of from my guests when they talk about motherhood. So this time around, when I go over, like the replacement behaviors or replacement strategies to really help moms deal with those shitty moments or those shitty behaviors that they may have adopted, some of the things that you talked about, I'm just going to list them here and they kind of describe themselves as you said it throughout the show. So one thing you said and I feel like these really focus on joy and the enjoyment of motherhood, because we don't hear about that enough you said enter their world and find enjoyment in their world. That's something. It's almost like a two for one right you get to get back the quality time that you might be missing because you're working towards a career or a business or you just don't have enough hours in the day and you want some quality time, but you really can't find it. So when you do find it, maybe you feel like, okay, now I don't have any time for myself. So it seems like you get a two for one. When you say enter their world and find enjoyment in their world, that's, that's amazing advice. Next, you said research the things you don't understand. It sounds like doing the extra research. You know you may have a preconceived notion about something that your kids or your family is interested in, but maybe if you educate yourself on it, maybe you can find something about it that you like and hold on to that to bring yourself a little more joy. Um.
Speaker 1:Next you said learn from your kids. I don't know what parent wouldn't enjoy that. Um, and it also it kind of takes the burden and that pressure off of you. When you talk about learning from your kids. You know, as moms I hear a lot of moms I don't know if it's the type A personality whereas they have to be in control of any and everything, right, but when you talk about learning from your kids. You're kind of putting them in the driver's seat, and not only do your kids enjoy that, they get that attention, they get to be the ones calling the shots, it also takes the responsibility off of you for a minute. You know you don't have to be the one in charge making all those decisions, and it's almost like putting your parenting to the test. Okay, I've been pouring into you. I've been pouring into you. I've been pouring into you. I've been pouring into you. I've been pouring into you. What are you doing all of that for other than to see them excel and exceed and thrive, right?
Speaker 1:Um, then you said more concrete examples would be the family fun Fridays, even if you are just doing board games or your do nothing Fridays. And, and one thing that stood out the most is that, no matter what it games or you're, do nothing Fridays. And, and one thing that stood out the most is that, no matter what it is that you're trying, it doesn't have to be super expensive, it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to have a lot of effort that goes into it. But the one thing that I've heard repeatedly is consistency and routine. If you create that consistency in the beginning, you say you're a great planner, you're the family planner, you're very organized. If you don't have those things in place, then I think motherhood is just going to be challenging even more than it has to be. It's already challenging, but when the time management piece is not there, when the consistency isn't there, it becomes a struggle.
Speaker 1:You said ask questions. Then you said ask for help. And again I've been telling you through this whole session you've been using a lot of behavior management strategies. You said stop and think. And it crazy because I don't know if you know, but that's a cognitive behavior strategy that we typically would use a practice for, like impulsive behaviors or for people who act without thinking. And you're already doing that.
Speaker 1:And then another thing that I love is that you seem to be very transparent with your kids.
Speaker 1:I think that transparency again it removes, it pulls your kids behind the curtain and a lot of parents, you know, depending on your parenting style, feel like kids need to stay in a child's place, right.
Speaker 1:But then we start setting these unattainable expectations for our kids and for ourselves and we have so much going on right now, so that transparency it also allows you can be a little more empathetic towards them. How can that not enrich your motherhood experience and that connection and relationship that you have with your kids. So, like I said, you have been dropping gems this whole time. I think all of the members who are in your organization, the future members, the current members, I think all of the members who are in your organization, the future members, the current members, I think they are blessed to really have you taking them in and cultivating this movement of mothers who are starting to reclaim motherhood and reclaim their lives and strike the balance between motherhood, social life, traveling and enrichment. And just if I could sum it all up is, I would just call it joy, the joy of motherhood. Right.
Speaker 1:It's almost like you're giving that back to moms and I think that's amazing. So I want you to tell everyone before we leave how can they get in touch with you and how can they join your group or how can they make a contribution if they want to make a contribution.
Speaker 2:Well, first I want to say thank you for having me. Since we've met it's been so beautiful, our conversation and everything has been pure, which I love, our conversations and everything has been pure, which I love. So anybody that wants to connect with me, whether just ask questions, whether you want me to speak in an event, anything like that you can get me on Facebook at Mom2MILF. It's M-O-M-T-O-M-I-L-F-L-C. I also have a Facebook group on there. It's Mom2MILF and it has in parentheses women's empowerment community. There it's Moms and Milk and it has in parentheses, women's empowerment community. It's just a regular Facebook group. You hit, click join and then I add you.
Speaker 2:We do discussion boards on there, we do raffles, I share anything and everything going on that I find out about locally or anywhere, because I am a Florida girl. Sometimes we have virtual sessions where I'll speak, wind down Wednesdays, things like that. So, um, it's a free group. You just join. Um, nothing costs you money right now and um, that's my goal to keep it effective and, um, to keep it economical. On Instagram I'm momto milf, um, and then I also have a website, wwwmom-to-milfcom, and on there I have t-shirts, I have an events calendar, a little bit more about my group. I also sell hoodie cuffs. Anything you want to support my group and to just show your support for Mom2Milf is on that website. So again, I look forward to hearing from anybody or everybody that wants to get in contact with me. I love to speak and to tell everybody about my journey and to just go ahead and empower women. Before I end, again, moms and Milk is going to be a movement and it starts with you.
Speaker 1:Awesome. I love it. Thank you so much for joining us today. Have a good one Thank you, you too. All right Bye joining us today. Have a good one, you too. All right Bye. Hey everyone. It's your favorite BCB AD here, dr DeLoren, and I'm here to ask you to help us continue making great content for listeners everywhere by visiting wwwforshittymomscom, where you can make a monthly contribution. Where you can make a monthly contribution. Also, visit us on Instagram, youtube, facebook and TikTok at 4shittymoms and that's shitty with an X, not an I.