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For Shxtty Moms
“For Shxtty Moms” is a behavior change podcast for mom’s who are holding on by a thread. Listen as we talk to real moms about the challenges of motherhood; while exploring different strategies to help moms alike get their shxt together!
For Shxtty Moms
EP 13: Irish Twins, Teenagers, Limited Support, and Endless Hustle: One Mom's Journey
What happens when a serial entrepreneur welcomes two babies in 12 months while running a thriving virtual business and raising a teenager? Takera Hubbard knows firsthand as she navigates this extraordinary balancing act alongside her stay-at-home husband.
Takera's journey defies conventional paths at every turn. After having her first daughter as a young mother at 20, she built an impressive consulting empire offering over 40 different business services. When she married and decided to "start over" with more children in her mid-thirties, everything changed. With a 16-year-old daughter and two infant sons, Takera found herself juggling motherhood across vastly different developmental stages while maintaining her position as the family breadwinner and a doting wife.
The conversation takes a powerful turn as Takera courageously shares her battle with postpartum depression. Without family support in her new city and after being pregnant for nearly two consecutive years, she describes the profound disconnection she felt from her business identity and her struggle to reconnect with herself. Rather than medication, Takera discusses how journaling, visualization, and the steadfast support of friends and family helped her reclaim her sense of self.
Perhaps most fascinating is the role reversal in her marriage, with her husband assuming primary caregiving responsibilities. Takera offers rare insight into how men experience their own version of postpartum challenges as they adjust to being the stay-at-home parent while maintaining their status as the head of the household. Takera goes on to describe additional challenges that active stay-at-home dads face such as, sacrificing career aspirations and sometimes feeling a loss of identity. She shares practical ways they support each other's mental health while ensuring children receive the attention they need.
For families seeking financial freedom, Takera reveals several small businesses that families can start to generate substantial income without sacrificing valuable time together.
Whether you're a working mom, a stay-at-home dad, or anyone navigating the complex dance of family life and career ambitions, Takera's story offers both practical strategies and emotional reassurance that you're not alone in finding your own path to balance.
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity Behavioral Alliance, your number one source for behavior change. Fidelity Behavioral Alliance creates behavior change programs for schools, parents and organizations looking to reduce problem behaviors and improve performance outcomes. Find out more at wwwfidelitybehavioralliancecom. If you would like to sponsor an episode of FSM, email us at shitmom at gmailcom. That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M at gmailcom. M-o-m at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready for another episode of For Shitty Moms. All right, Welcome back everyone. Welcome to another episode of FSM. I'm your host, Dr Lori, and today we have a super special guest, Of course, from the hometown. We have Kira Hubbard. She is a mom of three, she's a wife, she's an entrepreneur, business consultant you name it, she does it. If I could give her a nickname for the show or like all I like to coin terms for all of my moms, I would put her in the category of like the queen of hustle. If it's a business, if you have business questions, she is your go to person super knowledgeable, super helpful, extremely personable and just juggles everything. So today's episode we're going to jump into the life of Kira, what that looks like for her, and she's going to let us know how she's managing everything that she manages and still has time for husband, kids, sanity, happiness and all that stuff. So, without further ado, Kira, welcome to the show and thanks for joining us today.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here and you explained everything I mean that was to the T of who I am, but I appreciate you for even reaching out to me to actually be a part of your show. I'm excited about it.
Speaker 1:Good, I'm glad you were able to join us. When I first started the show and like putting together an idea, I had like my mommy hit list and, like you were one of the top people on that list. I follow most of the people that I invite on the show. I do try to follow them on social media just to stay abreast on what's going on what they're doing. But recently I started revamping my social media within like the last two years to make sure I'm following people that can like teach me something, right. So that's when I really got into following you, your page, your journey, what you were doing.
Speaker 1:I think first you at some point one point in time and this was like years ago I think you were like doing the, the travel agency, and things like that, and then you branched off into like credit repair, taxes that kind of thing and I'm like, oh, I need to know about that. So I started like following you and just seeing your growth from maybe like 10 years ago. I feel like that's when I really started following what you were doing, what you were posting on social media, to see everything and how you've grown your business organically. It's just amazing to watch, because we went to the same school. We're from the same town, so I kind of I'm familiar with your background. You familiar with our families, are familiar with one another, so to see that transition is just like amazing. So I know I can learn a lot from you and I always try to learn as much as I can from you.
Speaker 1:But just having you on this platform will really allow you to expand and reach out, hopefully, and inspire some other moms to kind of do the same thing. You can turn that into a business. You can turn that into something that supports your livelihood. So that's what I really am hoping to get from you today. I mean, I see it. But really, if there are some moms out there who are on the fence about getting started, like we are here in the new year, this is the perfect time to really become inspired and start taking those small steps towards an idea that they have. Even if it doesn't work out, that's okay, but at least get started. So I want you to kind of introduce yourself to the audience um, tell us like your age, describe your, your family, your family size for us and just give us an idea of what that looks like, because you're even your family is, is really unique and kind of inspired me like okay, it's not too late, like I can do this, so just give our listeners an idea of what life is like for you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I appreciate it. So my name is Kira Hubbard. I'm a business strategist. I'm an owner of Thrive Consulting Group. I'm a business strategist. I'm an owner of Thrive Consulting Group. I'm located now in Georgia, but I'm a fully operated like virtual business and I have like over 40 services that I actually offer and I also manage like small and major corporations, depending on what the services are needed for, depending on what the services are needed for. I'm actually newly married. I'm 36 years old. I've actually just turned 36, november. I have three kids. I have a daughter that just actually turned 16. And then I have a one-year-old and a five-month-old, and that's a age gap, um, but because you know, I was newly married, my husband wanted, you know, more kids because he had an 18 year old daughter she's actually a so we both actually started all over from from scratch.
Speaker 1:So okay, and how is that like? Tell us what is that like, because you always hear people like, oh, you're gonna start over and you know they make it sound horrible. But then from what I can see online, I'm like okay, this is totally doable. So what is that like?
Speaker 2:well as far. Okay. So when we, when we decided because my husband always wanted boys, so it just so happened that we have two boys, a year old and five months I don't know if it was just manifestation, but we went through a lot health-wise to actually get to that point, because when you reach a certain age, of course it's harder to kind of go through the whole pregnancy thing, and with my husband we're like seven years apart, the whole pregnancy thing. And you know, with my husband we're like seven years apart. So with his age and my age it was like, okay, we got to kind of figure out how we're going to do this. So once we made a decision, I can honestly say that it's different, I think because of our age.
Speaker 2:You know, back then when I had my daughter, I was about 20 years old. So you know I was very youthful, I was up and going. You know, I had a lot more energy and a lot more patience. So with having the age gap between the 18-year-old and the 16-year-old and now the one-year-old and the five-month-old, it's harder, it is harder. So the pregnancy was actually tougher because, like I say, the older you get, your body starts to develop all these issues and I went through a lot, even with my pregnancy, but once I had them it was more so the tolerance for patience, like you have to be more patient, because dealing with be a year they'll be a year old for like a week, so they're like Irish twins, so it's like, it's very, it was, it's, it's tough, but it's a, it's a, it's a beautiful, I kid you not, it's a beautiful thing because they're back to back. So a lot of the things that you know we had to do to prepare for them, you know it was all like recycled time. It was all recycled time, so I didn't have to really, um, prepare as much I would, I would like to say. But now that they're physically here, it's like the crying, the, they're spoiled. You know they want the same attention because they're within that same age. So what they see, one kid they want, and it's just, it's a, it's a lot, it's a lot.
Speaker 2:But to just know that I had two kids, I was pregnant for two years, and just how much like they're similar, it it becomes easier as they get older, know, but changing diapers for both kids, you know it's it, it is, it's work, it's work. I never thought, I never thought I would ever, kind of, you know, be in mommy mode like the way I am now, like more hands-on with the boys. They're more, um, they're more hands-on when it came to like more loving, more attached. My daughter was simple, like you know, I had more family, more support, but now that I've relocated to another city it's like it's just me, my husband, my daughter. So that's okay, so, but I'm grateful, um, I just feel that anyone that's you know that wants to have more kids, I would say to just do it before age 35.
Speaker 1:Oh no.
Speaker 2:But before age 35, because I don't know what it is. But it's like your mental state, your, you know your physical state, your health state is different. Your mental state, your, you know your physical state, your health state is different. Okay, it's all you know for that part. But then just have like a good support team, because when it's just you know you, just your husband, and that's all you can really rely on, it's, it's hard but, we have so many more beautiful moments like me building a bigger family, having a bigger family.
Speaker 2:I just appreciate that so much more because growing up like I had family, but it was just me and my brother, so we had a small, small, like idiot family. But the, the laughs, the I mean my kids every day. You're gonna get, you're gonna get something, it's gonna.
Speaker 1:It's something going on in our house like we need a reality show, but that was gonna be my next question how does your daughter, how has she kind of adjusted the 16 year old? Because I mean, you know you go from an only child to like not one but now two. So what was that like for her?
Speaker 2:my daughter um. When I first had my first son, which is Taj um, she was very, she was very excited. She was, she was very excited um she still kind of into her own thing. You know, cheerleading school. We just purchased her first car um where she's she. She's patient when it comes to certain things, but, um, I try not to put too much pressure on her when it comes to the children, because you know she's still young too so I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't allow her to kind of kind of tie into mommy mode, because you know like she has to live her life and grow through her own growing pains, so but she's very helpful, um, she teaches them a lot. Um, whenever I need help with them, you know she's there to assist um, and you know when it gets tough she's like okay, I'm gonna, I'll get them, I'll give you a break. You know it's time for you to relax. You know that's what I love the most about her. That's nice she's.
Speaker 2:I can honestly say nothing has really changed in her life outside of just having two brothers. And of course sometimes it gets frustrating with the crying. And you know everything that we have to prepare if we're traveling or if we're going to the store. The car sees. You know she's trying to get used to that, but for the most part she's pretty much hands on. But she just has to be just a little bit more patient because before we used to get up and go we didn't have to really worry about bags and car seats and things like that. So it takes a lot of preparation, but other than that she's a good kid, she's very helpful.
Speaker 1:And I think that's really important that you bring that up, because I see that a lot. Sometimes parents are looking forward to, like the oldest, the first, the firstborn, to take on more responsibility, responsibility and usually in that situation you do see the firstborn assuming the role of almost like a third parent, right, as opposed to them still being able to be a kid, have that youth and enjoy their childhood or teenagehood, in your case. So I think it's very important for parents to not put that burden on the oldest child, because it alleviates a lot of stress for them. So that's awesome that you're even aware of it in the first place, to make sure that you're not putting that responsibility on her. So go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, I was just going to add that it's just very important to that. Every child should childhood like that. Each kid experience should be a good one. It shouldn't be so much of adult responsibility, because I think that was a part of my childhood, because my mom, my mom had two kids, but my biological father he had a total of seven kids and I was always in mode because I was the oldest.
Speaker 2:So when I would, you know, because my parents weren't together, but when I would go to my father's house, I would always have to, you know, get into mommy mode to take care of. So a lot of times I didn't get to go out and play, I had to clean and I had to prepare food and you know I had to do a lot of things. So that's one thing that I've mastered with children period, like I'm just big on, just enjoy your childhood. You play, you should do the things that you want to do. You should not have to, like, tap into adulting so fast. You know, like everybody should have a good childhood, even if that's even playing, going outdoor, playing in the water, I don't care. Like experience it all, just be a kid, you know. So I think by that experience. That's kind of why I'm so keen on that.
Speaker 1:That's good. I love to hear that. So how does your family dynamic affect the business? Because you have, like you say, you offer 40 services. I see so much going on with that. I'm like how, how? So how does this family dynamic? Because you did say you know you and your husband it sounds like you guys are a team. You have a limited support system because you relocated. So usually when you have that husband and wife dynamic, you have one parent that's usually hands on with the kids and then trying to juggle work, and then you have another parent that's usually like that provider. They provide more of that consistent stream of income. So what does that look like for your family and how are you juggling all of these things? And then three children on top of that. So how does that impact the business?
Speaker 2:So for the most part I'm going to say this I've tried to get back into the corporate world. That's failed because of the time. You know you have a set schedule, you can't miss work. You know there's a lot of rules and regulations that you have to follow to stay an employed individual. And then, as far as my husband, it's been tough because I have meetings outside of different times and you know sometimes he may be at work, so he's a stay at home dad. Oh, ok, yeah, he's basically a stay at home dad, but we have other businesses and things like that. That keeps us going financially. Okay. So, outside of drive consulting group, you know he has hubba, logistics and courier um, like courier gigs and things like that that he's able to do and we just kind of kind of make time. Well, we we're gonna orchestrate like a schedule so that we can make sure, like, okay, if I have meetings or whatever the case may be, you can do this through this time, or we can take on this gig or whatever the case may be if time is slow.
Speaker 2:But the main thing is time management. I think that's what impacts my business the most, because we just put the kids in daycare. We weren't gonna put them in daycare, but because, like, my business is fully virtual, I have a lot of zoom meetings where I'm like face-to-face encounter people, so the crying, you know, I don't have like a. I have an open office space at my home and, um, that's like one thing that I'm working on is just like getting an actual office space away from the home so that I actually fully focused.
Speaker 2:Because when you're actually working, it's like your time management. Yeah, ok, you're trying to get up at nine o'clock in the morning or five o'clock in the morning, but the baby was crying or need changing or need to be fed three o'clock in the morning, so now you're delayed with getting up. So now your schedule you kind of okay if you went from five o'clock, now you're waking up at 10 o'clock, so it's like operation started at eight o'clock in the morning, now you're late, now you're delayed, you're all over the place and now you got to cook, you got to clean, you got to get the kids ready. One cry and you're trying to finish work, a work, task, tasks, and it's like it's so much and be working from home is like the hardest part with working from home time management and just like dealing with tasks like to be done at a certain time of day is like the toughest part for me and and.
Speaker 2:But I know the solution to that is actually getting a office or building outside of my home. But the only reason why I've been kind of not big on leaving the home is because sometimes it gets critical for my husband and people don't talk about the dads. They go through things too and I feel like postpartum is a part of something they actually experience in their own way, you know, in their own way, but it's tough for him also. So just imagine me working, working, and he's always home, hands-on, and it's kind of like the masculinity part of him is like gone. It's like he's into like mommy mode, hands-on, and I'm just like working. So it's like we kind of switch roles oh, wow, okay, like working. So it's like we kind of switch oh, wow, okay.
Speaker 2:And sometimes it's unhealthy. Okay, because I'm the one that feels like I need to have a secure connection with the babies. But because I'm hands-on and working so much, he knows what they like the most, he knows everything, he does everything, and so that's why like postpartum is real, because even developing postpartum like it was a detachment from my business, I didn't want to work, I didn't want to do anything, I just was really like, kind of like in a dark phase and it was because I didn't feel like I was working hard. I didn't feel like I wanted to be that entrepreneur anymore. I felt like it was always mommy mode and that time management is one big factor that kind of made it hard for me.
Speaker 1:You know, and I just want to clarify for the listeners. When you say postpartum, you're referring to like postpartum depression. Yes, okay, so you experienced that because you had to go back to work? You didn't want to, or because dad is kind of assuming that role in getting to bond with them a little more in your back working.
Speaker 2:So when I first? Well, my daughter, when I was 20, I didn't experience postpartum at all.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:My son, my one year old, didn't experience it. I experienced it with my five month old and I think it was more so because I had been pregnant for two years. See, I'm a serial entrepreneur, so I'm always up and at it and I just I'm a serial entrepreneur, so I'm always up and at it, okay, and I just I lost my mojo, like I lost my, my ethics, my hard at work ethics. I just felt like having two kids was a lot at the time because I didn't have time to kind of tackle on my business operations the way I wanted to. So I just kind of fell into depression because I just felt like I wasn't myself anymore. You know, I just saw a major decline in revenue. I saw a major decline in, just like, my skills.
Speaker 2:Because when you're, when you're pregnant for two years, people don't understand that you know, you're just really trying to enjoy the moment. You don't really want to work, you really just want to just kind of experience. You know, just take on the full experience. And that's what I tried to do, thinking that that was healthy. But once I had the babies, it was like, okay, you got to get back to it, but it's like how, how, how can I?
Speaker 2:how like I didn't even feel like myself. And then you're going through just changes with your body, your mindset, like, like I said, I didn't have much support outside. Of you know who was in my home, and it was even hard for them too. So when you're just always in superwoman mode, it's like who's going to come save you.
Speaker 1:So how did you pull yourself out of it? Like how did you know it was postpartum depression? Were you like kind of aware and did you know about it ahead of time, or did it kind of sneak up on you and somebody told you, a doctor told you?
Speaker 2:um, my mom. My mom told me because I'm not like a very like emotional person. Okay, so it's very rare that I cry, which is really weird to me because I'm, I'm, I don't, I'm not super soft, like I'm, I'm not an emotional person, but I just kept calling my mom and I just wouldn't stop crying.
Speaker 2:Okay, I just wouldn't stop crying. So I knew from there something was wrong. So every time someone calls someone you can just say hey, how are you? I just break down. I just felt disconnected from my kids. My last son, I think, what did it? Was my one girl.
Speaker 2:My husband was there the whole time, but throughout the hospital, you know, beginning to end this time, he was only there for the delivery and then he had to go back home because, you know, my one-year-old couldn't stay at the hospital and then I had my daughter, so he had to go home with them while I was in the hospital. So a lot of those nights was home, I was there alone with the baby. So once I, once I was discharged and I went home, I just felt like I was disconnected from everyone. I didn't want to hold my babies, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just really just shut down. And then, once I reached out to a doctor, um, they tried to prescribe medicine. But I don't believe in, you know, medicating um myself, um, so things like that. So I just really like I wrote down in my journal like things I wanted to change and how I wanted to get better. A lot of my friends. You know, they sent me flowers, they sent me gifts, they showed me gestures of you know, just self motivating the situation and just kind of remembering what was most important and reminding me of who I once was through pictures, through just simple ways of just saying like, hey, you're still there, you, you know, you got this and it just took some time.
Speaker 2:And one day I just woke up and I was just like you know what, I'm going to beat this. I'm going to get past this. However, I feel it's just, I don't know, it's just negativity and I'm just going to stay positive and I just started reconnecting with my family, my husband, my children and and I just got better over time and I mean, I still have my moments, but I just I just felt like, you know, you really feel like giving up on, like just progressing that you just it. So, to me, just stuck you just stuck in a dark place to where, like, I don't want to do anything, I don't want to, I don't want to be a mom today, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that. And then I just started reversing it, like I'm gonna do this today, I'm gonna be a mom, I'm gonna be better. You know, I just started thinking that way, thinking positive, in that energy, like it started flowing and it just it became a thing and I got through it.
Speaker 1:oh, that's amazing, yeah, the power of words.
Speaker 1:I, I definitely hear you and I thank you for sharing that, just because I know a lot of women. You know the priority is staying healthy. For black women is trying to get through labor and delivery, trying to survive labor and delivery. But there's a lot of limited information about the experience after you give birth. That can be as immediate as, say, going from labor and delivery and then being transferred to a different part of the hospital where you know you're in the maternity ward. That's a completely different experience. People really don't talk about it. You don't have a lot of guidance as to what to expect with your own body. To what to expect with your own body, like immediately after giving birth. There are some drastic changes that happen right away and if it's your first child, you don't know what to expect. If it's a second or a third child, from what I've heard, every experience is different. So you can't even refer back to like, okay, this happened the first time because, okay, this is a completely different kid, completely different experience. It might not even be the same doctor, it's not the same team that was there to help you. So I'm glad that you're opening up and sharing that with our listeners, because a lot of times, as women. We kind of take that on ourselves and we think like, oh, it's just me, like I need to fix it, I'm doing something wrong, I didn't do this right, this is my fault, when in reality it's a bunch of hormonal changes, a bunch of physical changes. Your brain really is trying to get back and just process and understand the new normal and to figure out what that is. And if you don't have someone to talk to about it, to kind of guide you through it, you know that can be a scary place because you're reaching for something that was your normal, but you can't go back there anymore. Um, you had two babies now to factor into the equation, not just one. So thank you for sharing that. Um, because it's important for people to know that they're not alone when they're experiencing those things and then to also know, like, how to get help. And I'm glad you know you do hear a lot of people who like to go the holistic route and sometimes that is a lot harder.
Speaker 1:Um, I'm a behavior therapist and usually I I am like pro medication. I'm like, look, if the medicine is there to help you, you know, use it, make life easy for yourself. Life is already so difficult, use it. But then with that behavior therapy mindset okay, medication in some situations is temporary, so how are we going to transition off? How are we going to manage without it? What does that look like? What do we have to do? And usually I try to get people to understand medication is not bad, right. But then I have some people who are like, well, I want to get on it and then I want to get off. Okay, cool, we can do that, let's use them together.
Speaker 1:But if you have a person who is determined to not go that route, then it's like okay, what does that look like? So it's awesome that you had enough wherewithal to tell yourself these things. It sounds like you had a lot of external motivators, with your friends reminding you and showing you visuals of where you want it to be and where you were before and how to get there. That's amazing that you had that. So I even applaud your friends for looking out for you like that, because sometimes friends don't really know how to help either because they haven't experienced that themselves. And depression is one of those things that it will creep up on you. I experienced that myself, even with being a behavior therapist, being a behavior analyst. You know I talk to people about these things.
Speaker 1:I do a lot of parent coaching and I see a lot of parents struggling with depression If their children are diagnosed with, like a cognitive disorder or a disability. They're constantly being reminded because this is not what they expected. You know, they had that kid, they had a set of expectations. Now I have a child with a disability and this it doesn't really fit with what they had in mind. So you kind of see that decline and really all I'm there to do is kind of support, listen and let's find some strategies. Support, listen and let's find some strategies.
Speaker 1:But the parents who are determined to not stay in that place, I feel like they make the most progress. Like you were saying okay, I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to be here anymore. That is one of the common themes that I see with the parents who are able to make progress and kind of overcome, or you, it doesn't fully go away. It's not like there's a cure for it. But how can I manage when those moments happen? How can I bounce back? How can I recover? How can I get through it? And the biggest thing that I see is that self-talk. You know this is where we are right now. I'm acknowledging it, but I'm not going to stay here and then doing something tangible. I know. For me, when I experienced depression, I was like, oh, that snuck up on me, like I was not expecting.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness, like where did that come from? How did this happen? How did I get here? And it's a small thing. So then you have to backtrack and make small adjustments and make small changes to say you know what I don't like the way that makes me feel up. This is starting to send me down into a dark place. I don't want to go there. Okay, what can I do? And sometimes it is something physical.
Speaker 1:For me it was like go get some fresh air, go get some sunlight today, right, and sometimes that's a matter of walking to the mailbox, not being in the house all day, not being on the couch with the blinds closed, not laying in the bed for 48 hours, because I want to just check out and not deal with life right now.
Speaker 1:So it's great that you were able to one have your mom tell you what was going on, because a lot of people don't have that. But then actually having someone send you visual reminders of where you were before and what you wanted to get back to, and then you having enough wherewithal to say you know what, I am going to do this and I'm not going to be stuck here, I think that's amazing. So thank you for sharing that. And then it's interesting to hear you also talk about the flip side, with the dads, because usually we hear this from like stay at home moms, right, oh, I'm just around a baby all day. Oh, I need a break, I need to get out, I need some relief. But for you, you said earlier like it's important for the dads because now, in your case, he's home, right, and he's providing that child care, and so how do you guys manage that? Do you give him like his me time, like what does that look like?
Speaker 1:so that he can take care of himself.
Speaker 2:So that he can take care of himself. Yes, so how that works is that if he decides to sleep late, I'll allow that. You know I'll allow it because most people look at it like, well, I'm going to say our community Black men are supposed to always be strong, you know, like they're always up and I do still believe that. But I also feel like we don't give dads grace. I feel like if he sleeps late, I allow that because he's up at night. Sometimes my husband won't come to bed till like four o'clock in the morning because he'll allow me to sleep. He'll allow me to sleep while he's up with the kids if they decide to be up. So he's probably in the living room area, you know, away from the room, allowing me to rest.
Speaker 2:Ok, so when he does come back to the room to lay down and the kids are up again, I'll just remove the kids and I'll take them into a quieter space so that he's resting. So that's one way that we kind of work together and then like say, for instance, if I am working away from the home, or if I am working, I'm just busy, I'll just be like, hey, you know he'll be like, hey, I'm going to go outside or I'm going to go to my friend's house, you know, I'll allow him an hour or two. You know, well, he allows himself an hour or two. Okay, because he has to get back. You know, to help support.
Speaker 2:You know the time management for me, so he'll do that as well. And then, like football days, if he's watching a game, or basketball days, I'll make sure I cut my hours to five o'clock. You know and don't you know work late. But other than that, I just you know, and I always just ask him. You know, while you know we're going through this storm because he's tried to work and it was more so me, I can't do it on my own because daycare is now. They want you to.
Speaker 2:OK, daycare open at 730, but you got to be going by 2, 30, you know.
Speaker 2:So that's not enough. Sometimes hours go down, go to 8, 8 pm. So him working, he's like okay, he get off at five, it's like okay, I don't have any support to that time. So right now it's like I'm the breadwinner, I'm supporting all our financial needs and it's like, at the same time, he's working towards his goals as well. So I'm like, okay, what is it that you want to do that you actually want to do where you feel like you don't have to be a nine to five dad, like, what do you want to do? So that's where we are now.
Speaker 2:So we're building his company, we're trying to get him back to himself because he's lost himself. You know, just being a full-time dad it's a lot, because he goes through the emotions of, you know, frustration and happy, and then you know it's a lot for him. So in some days I just sit there and I just kind of watch his spirit. Sometimes it declines because it's like I want to do this, I want to work, you know. But I'm here, I'm supporting your dreams. And it got to a point to where, you know, I sat down. I was like what do you want to do, because it's really not all about me, because what we do as parents it can benefit both of us if we just kind of plan and brainstorm together and that's what we are now so and I think he's happier now.
Speaker 2:But being like today, I've been away from the house all day I could just imagine how he feels like so if there, I gotta get right into mommy mode and take away, like you know, the kids from him and let him go, you know, outside or walk or go to the mailbox or go to the gym, you know things, or even like, if I'll be like, okay, just go to the store for me. You know, if it's hours, who, I don't even care, because I know in the house, you know he'll go to the store, he'll go buy his friends out. He might sit in the car for a little bit, talk to his friends on the phone. You know, because sometimes that's another thing he can talk to his friends on the phone. You know, because sometimes that's another thing he can't talk to his friends. Every time he's talking to his friends, the kids are in the background crying.
Speaker 2:I don't want to talk to him anymore because it's like all I hear is the crying and the noise. So that's a lot on him too. So I really support him being a stay-at-home dad. But I support him even more for even trying, because most dads, like in our black community, will check out oh yeah, like they'll go get milk eggs from the store. You won't see them, no more. You know like I, I've always, like I always wanted to advocate for dads, especially dads like through marriage and relationships, like good dads. You know there are really good dads out here and my husband he's not the type to to, you know, like seek any type of um accolades or anything.
Speaker 2:He's just like I'm a dad, you know I'm a good dad, I know it you know I do, but I just want him to still want to feel like I'm still a man. You know that mask still within our home. He still takes care of our home. He's still our go-to guy. You know he's our number one guy. But at the same time you got to think what is it mentally? What are you really going?
Speaker 1:through so so how do you guys make time for each other? Or is that even a thing right now, like because I know the kids are young, so sometimes you do go through seasons where it's like, oh me time that don't exist right now. So what does that look like for you guys?
Speaker 2:There's no me time. There's no us time. To be honest, now that you've said it, it's crazy and I'm thankful for even joining today, because now it's making me think we have not been on a date in probably over a year and a half.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Our me time with one another, minimum, minimal, like if we have any time for ourselves. It's like hurry up for the kids, um, get up, or whatever the case may be, but that's it like. And other than that, my daughter she'll get one, one of them, but she won't get both, so it's like but one or the other. So, yeah, we have not had a date. Um, even when we go out of town, like to visit family and stuff, we're, we're no we haven't had any, any meet time, not even to watch tv together.
Speaker 2:Not, I mean, the kids take up all of the time and I tell my family all I don't think they get it like we don't have time for ourselves. We haven't. I don't remember last time we put on clothes like, or to say like we're gonna shop and go get clothes and you know, go outside, or you know just outing, or even walking apart. Even if we go to the gym, he has to go first.
Speaker 1:And then he have to. Yeah, you kind of tag team. Yeah, yeah, I hear you, my husband and I at one point we and we only have one. So it's amazing to even see you functioning. Because everything you're saying is kind of what I experienced when we had my son and I just remember we ended up like moving, we, we bought our house. We at the time we had to pick and choose Like, do we want a wedding or do we want a house? Right, because we couldn't do both financially. You know, we support each other, we are a team and we don't have any like familial support. So it's it's me and him. We work as a team, we figure it out.
Speaker 1:And after we bought our house, I always tell people like that's the poorest I have ever been and we just went through a season of like hustling um, he was trying to climb the ladder at work, he does have a corporate job, he's a corporate trainer, um, so he was trying to climb the ladder at work and I was still teaching and the way that teaching works, you know they put you on that pay scale and that's it. Like there's no extra unless you want to teach extra. But somebody has to get the baby, right, somebody's got to pick up from daycare. If you're a minute late, they want to charge you a dollar per minute and all that crazy stuff. So for I want to say about I don't even know, I don't even know. I always told people like the last time we traveled, took a trip, took a vacation, was in 2015. And my husband and I just took a vacation last year, like out of the country, and this time we took our son with us, but before that we had not traveled since 2015. And you know, family, they, they give, they don't really understand because they're not going through it, and again, we just had one.
Speaker 1:But because we have very, very limited to no support, it's kind of like, okay, this is on us, so if somebody needs to go somewhere, who's going to be home with the kid? If somebody needs to do something, okay, I stay, you go, okay, I'm going to go, you got to stay. And it was a lot of that. And then I'll say, for us, we just kind of made those sacrifices for a really long time and finally, last year we were able to travel for the first time and it was just like man, we will not take this for granted like we went to Mexico, we had a blast and it was so nice to like. This is what I wanted to do with my son, like I want him to get exposed to that too, but we just didn't have that opportunity.
Speaker 1:Because you do want to be mindful of the other parent, right? They need their space, they need their me time. For us, our me time is, you know, my son is 12 right now, so we're just starting to kind of give him a little more responsibility to increase his independence, because if he's more independent we can breathe a little bit, right. So we're our me time is kind of like if he goes to bed and everybody always gets on me, like he has, my son has an early bedtime, but that gives us our me time. So you, you know we gotta shut this house down. Like my friends and family know, don't call me after eight o'clock, do not. If you're right. By my house it's completely. You would think it's like 12 am at my house and it's like 7.55, because you know we got to get that me time somewhere.
Speaker 1:And for me, I've become that night owl, right, because I've even started to notice when I'm in that grind. I just started like my own business last year. That's a totally different grind, a totally different hustle than punching a clock, and initially I thought, oh, working from home, this is gonna be great. I'm gonna be this like super mom who's super present and I get to, like, go eat lunch with my kid, I get to go to parent teacher conferences, and it's like no, actually you have a bunch of stuff to do, like now you have your job to do and you have the business to run. And because you're sitting up in the house all day, like you need to cook, you need to fold those clothes, you need to do this, you need, like I think it's more work working from home as opposed to going to a location doing a job, clocking out, checking out and then going home and handling business at home.
Speaker 1:But, like you said, leaving the home, working for someone else. There are so many other obligations to where, if your kid is sick, you really have to pick and choose, like do I want to keep this job or do I need to go pick up my kid because they're sick? So I can't say one is better than the other, because they both have, like, their benefits and then they both have their challenges. It just so happens that my husband and I have figured out how to work as a team to really manage that. But when I hear about what you're going through, I think about my situation and it really took us like a decade to get here, right, to get into that groove, because you know you gotta.
Speaker 1:First it starts as an idea, but you still have to like work, a corporate job, and then try to transition to like entrepreneurship. I don't know anybody who's just jumping out there, quitting their job and launching businesses like that's a process in itself, and then you can kind of put things in order once you slowly make that transition. I want to go back to something you said earlier, because you said for your husband, you said he'll get a gig, so let our listeners know, because I feel like a lot of people now are really trying to pursue entrepreneurship and manage and juggle families Right. So you said he, he will work like gigs. What is that exactly for our listeners and what does that look like? Like what are they? What does that look like? Because I know there's somebody else who probably wants to do the same thing and they probably don't really understand how to start or where to go correct.
Speaker 2:So basically, like like I stated before, we have logistics, which is um like transportation, and courier, like services that we offer. So when, when I speak on gigs, I'm saying like there's, there are a lot of apps that a lot of families can download and you can actually do this at like as a a family, like a family task. So there's like courier apps that we have, say, for instance, you can do Amazon Flex, you can be a shopper, you can go in and pick up TVs, furniture it's like delivery services. And then you have medical carrier. Most of our gigs come from the medical carrier.
Speaker 2:You may have to pick up a lung transplant, heart transplant carrier you may have to do pick up a long transplant, heart transplant, or um you're delivering like um blood draws and things like that to different hospitals. You know that people may need for um blood infusions, whatever the case may be okay, and you have a timely, like a time, that time frame that you have to get it done and they pay like really good, from like $250 and up per gig and it probably take you, probably like two maybe. Well, because we're in Atlanta, it takes about two hours or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2:But, if you like three or four a day, it can, kind of you know, solidify a work week of over a thousand dollars a week.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:That's amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we actually have that. It can go from picking up tires, delivering tires, to like local advanced auto parts stores. Like these are gigs like, not, you know, basic paying gigs like these are gigs that will pay you over like a hundred dollars a day. You know, it's just not. It's not just, uh, like door dash, your uber. And even if you do DoorDash or Uber Eats, you can kind of tackle on to like picking up products from stores like Apple, walmart, best Buy. You know it's just not.
Speaker 2:Food you can deliver like major, like product. So you just make sure that you have like a truck or transportation to actually be able to, you know, hold the weight of the actual product. And that's what he does Like, say, for instance, if he feels that he just wants to get back to work and just kind of feel like he still has his mojo, you know that's what he'll do, and a lot of times we do that as a family. We'll put the kids in the car, we'll put on our logistics t shirt and make sure that you know everybody's strapped in. We're good to go. My husband's going to the store. He'll scan everything. They'll bring the products to the truck or the van. We'll load it in and we're on our way dropping it off. Oh I love that.
Speaker 2:I was actually going to start doing content and just showing people like, even if you have a family, if you work together, you can actually make money together. Like if we was just to do that every day, all day, like we could really like really make some good money. But sometimes it's just a schedule of picking the kids up. So sometimes it might be a load at like 1230 and then we got to pick them up at 230. So we just got to make sure that you know we're in the window to make sure we get back. Or you know, if we have the kids, we have to feed them, change them. So we got to bring certain things. You know, you just got to be mindful of your schedule. But you can really do that.
Speaker 2:Even if my husband was just to go by himself sometimes he does we just we may pick up flowers, like go to like a home that, like a lot of businesses work from their homes where they make like flower um arrangements and we deliver them to homes. And we might pick up a like a they may be delivering caskets, anything like. People use courier services for everything. So a great, great money, you know, and I even actually have a courier list. So, like any of the listeners that want to like, get into courier services where they feel like you know, working a nine-to-five isn't enough due to inflation and how the economy is now Like, there are so many courier apps that you can download on your phone and just get in your car and drive. You know you just need to have certain credentials like a valid driver's license, insurance registration on your car pictures of your car, upload that and just get to going.
Speaker 2:You know, and I can send that list out to whomever for free, and I do that often to just let people know, no matter what state you're in, you can like download these apps and go, and no matter where you are you're just getting out of work at five, you feel like you're not tired Just turn on the app and just let them know like, hey, I'm here and what gigs do you have for me?
Speaker 2:And they'll show you within a certain knowledge, like what you can do, you know in such a small time frame. But I highly recommend that for everybody because that also driving, is kind of what helps us too. Like we get in the car, we listen to music and we just kind of like it. It's like an outlet, the kids. Kids are quiet, kids love motion. It just gives us time to think and get back into talking and communicating with one another. Besides the kids it's good too. It's like a little therapy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that because the teamwork is what I'm hearing. So, even though it's the two of you, you know, you guys are really getting creative and I feel like I tell people all the time the money is there, you just have to get creative. And I feel like you just described the most creative way to generate income for your family. And then you still have that flexibility to where, if something were to happen, you don't have to choose and really ask your employer like, can I have this time off, Can I? You know, you don't have to give explanations If you need to pivot, if you need to do something, if you need to be present. You still have that flexibility there and I think that's what a lot of people are looking for when they start to transition back and start to explore different options for entrepreneurship. I really think that has been the driving force.
Speaker 1:I feel like when you and I grew up, I feel like our parents were that generation of. They're going to have a nine to five. They are going to stay in that nine to five. It doesn't even matter what nine to five it is. They were going to stay at that nine to five for 30 plus years. They were going to stay at that nine to five for 30 plus years, even if they were like a front desk clerk or whatever they were going to be that front desk clerk. They're not going to quit their job. It's a good job, is this? Is that them prioritize that workplace and kind of miss out on the child rearing and the parenting piece? And I feel like as millennials we saw that and we're like we're gonna have it all. But as millennials we get older, we're like shit, this is hard, like I don't think I want to do all of this.
Speaker 2:That's it. So the reason why I don't. I just feel like that support from family. Sometimes it's tough, but I don't hold that against them Because the way it is now, like my mom, she works two jobs Right. My dad serial entrepreneur and he works for the city as well.
Speaker 2:So it's like they both work, they're working and they're saying, like my mom had me when she was like 14 years old, okay, so, a child raising a child, that's how it was. So it was like my grandmother raising the both of us. So my mom, it's like it's not, it's a it's an age difference there, but she's still young as well, right, you know. So I have to give her grace, my parents grace as well, because growing up you know you had a child so young. My mom didn't get to travel, she didn't get to work as hard because she was always helping her siblings or their situation, plus raising her kids.
Speaker 2:So it's like now she's at a point to where she's working two jobs. She's making good money. You know she's not coming off of off any of those jobs right so, like she gets to travel, she has that freedom. She can go to the bar, she can have happy hours. She doesn't have to worry about race cooking and cleaning. All she has is a dog you know, know.
Speaker 2:So it's like I give her that because you know you deserve that. So that's why some people blame, like their parents for not having support. I don't hinder, I don't hold that against my parents, because I just feel like you know what they deserve that, because times now are different and I feel like everybody has to work harder for survival now Absolutely.
Speaker 2:That time off. That's not going to happen. My mom is like I'm saving my PTO, Like I'm going to work yeah, I'm going to pay my bills. I don't know what's going to happen, but I got to have extra money in the bank. You know I got to make sure. You know they're still big on 401K yeah, A plan. So you they. They're still big on 401k yeah, planning. So you know I'm I listen, I don't hold that against them because now I'm a parent, now I gotta put in the work and you know what I've traveled, I've lived so now where I am.
Speaker 2:It's tough at times, but I enjoy being alone, like I do. I enjoy being a mom, like I do. I enjoy being a mom, I enjoy being a wife, and this is my era of just kind of planning ahead and just becoming a family, because for a long time I was single, you know, I was really outside living my life. So when I got married, it was a great thing, it was a great thing. So I just feel like sometimes everybody is always trying to have the answers to life. I just feel like you have to live life.
Speaker 2:I think I went to school, but I didn't finish college. Okay, young, I just simply live my life and I just graduated college this year, just earned my bachelor, um, um, well, 2024 congratulations, thank you. So that american dream that everybody is like trying to fight for, I just feel like the real dream is just authentically like just being yourself and doing things as you see fit, because everyone is fighting for a life from social media or just what their parents desire, or you know just. I just feel like the best thing that you can do is just do things at your time, because where I am now, I I didn't see, I didn't, I didn't see, I did not see it.
Speaker 2:This is like the best part of my life and I didn't for one. I didn't really want kids. I wasn't keen on graduating college and you know I was into a corporate world, I was just just going with the flow. But now I'm more structured. I have kids. Like everything that's happening is like a true blessing, because everything I didn't want I now have and I and I'm grateful, you know. So, yeah, I just feel like everybody just really has to live for them, because the only reason why I didn't want kids is because of the struggles that I saw other people having and that they couldn't.
Speaker 2:You know the goals that they couldn't reach, or you know, I just felt like kids were always hinder people from doing what they actually wanted to do. But then when I had my own, my first order, and I just saw that, okay, it's still easy, you know, like I can still do things. You know, I just feel like it's all on the person and their work ethics and their goals and how they're going to attain them. Like I just felt like at that point you can't like be on the outside looking in.
Speaker 1:It's like you either going to get in and make the best of it or it's just not for you, you know so that's the way I saw it, and I love that, um all of it, because we see all the time, um, I did a Bible study group once. See all the time. Um, I did a bible study group once and we did a study on this book called the comparison trap. And social media kind of feeds that you know you may see the highlights of a person, like all the time, and then you start comparing their highlights to your reality and then you feel like you're missing out or you're not doing as well as you should be, when in reality, that individual may have a whole nother set of challenges and struggles that we are not privy to, because it is social media and it is there for the highlights, right, the good times. Nobody really wants to hear that debbie downer all the time either, right? Um? One thing that I can say that has attracted me to like your page and just keeping up to date with what you have going on is that you do seem very genuine, authentic and transparent. So if it was not the best day, like, we're gonna know about it. If it was an extremely good day, we're gonna know about it. If you were like, you know what I'm gonna treat myself, I'm gonna turn up. I'm gonna treat my husband. I'm gonna spoil my husband, like you know. I'm gonna treat myself. I'm gonna turn up. I'm gonna treat my husband. I'm gonna spoil my husband, like you know. We see all of it. I feel like we get to see a good balance of like good, bad ugly, success, all of that. I feel like you're very transparent with that and you share. You also give a lot of gems to other people, and that is something else that attracted me to not just your page but your business reaching out to you for services, because there is no gatekeeping there. You know you provide a service, you have the knowledge, and a lot of people would have to do years of schooling just to learn what you already know. And I feel like that's important as well, because you said you just graduated from school in 2024, but you have so much experience that you bring to the table. You know you didn't have to be that person rushing out to get the degree and then getting the experience, because you created opportunities for yourself. So I love that you share so much of your experience with other people, because A lot of times we just hear that things are supposed to go one way. It's supposed to be one path to success and here it is. You've kind of forged your own path and now that you have created a family, now you guys are doing that together and you're doing it to make it fit your lifestyle, instead of trying to make something, instead of trying to make your lifestyle fit that image of the American dream, the perfect family, and you know, like you said, that picket fence and that retirement and that 401k, like there are so many other ways to get there, and it seems like you're doing it and I love that you share that with everyone.
Speaker 1:Just going back to the questions, because I always kind of use questions to guide the show, but in this case I feel like you've covered so many of the questions that I would have asked, so many of the questions that I would have asked. So I'm just gonna briefly like do an overview. But before I do the overview, I want to know. So I have this thing, this term that I kind of coined as like shitty mom syndrome, and you kind of touched on it a little bit when you were talking about like the postpartum and feeling connected, right, but or feeling disconnected. But now that you have like overcome those challenges and kind of manage your way through the postpartum.
Speaker 1:Do you still have those moments where you're like, damn, I'm a shitty mom, like, oh, I didn't do this or oh, I didn't do that. And if you do, like, what helps you get past that? Um, usually it's when I describe shitty mom. Syndrome is like when we have these preconceived notions in our head where we set a set of expectations, like for ourselves. Nobody told us we had to do this, it's usually just us being extra. And then sometimes, when, when we're extra, we don't even meet our own expectations and it's like, oh, my god, I am so terrible. So have you ever had one of those experiences? And if you did, how did you get through it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I actually had two shitty mom experiences. One was my son's first birthday. Like you said, we have these expectations where we feel like we have to celebrate things and do things in our own way. It was his first birthday and we were supposed to have a birthday party. I was going to have it in the panhandle of Florida and I had the whole theme. I had purchased everything, but then Tyron was ready to come out, had purchased everything, but then Tyron was ready to come out. So I was to celebrate my son's first birthday because, of course, I was in the hospital the day before no, the day, yeah, the day before the party was being set because, due to preeclampsia, so I um, I end up delivering Tyron.
Speaker 2:And when Tyron's birthday came, of course I was discharged. I meant Todd's birthday came, I was discharged from the hospital, but I wasn't able to go to Destin, florida. So I cried, I cried, I was upset, um, I was mad at my husband, I was mad at my mom, mad at my family for not being able to still come, even though I had to cancel the party. They still weren't there.
Speaker 2:So I shut off my phone. I wouldn't talk to anyone. I was really down. I was so down and so mad that I was like you know what, I don't care, like I'm not going to be a shitty mom, I'm going to do something. So, even going to, I got up within 30 minutes. I went and bought him two gifts. I went to go get him a cake. Um, I went and got pizza and I called like a couple of neighborhood, like friends, and they brought their kids by, whatever, because I was like you know what, I'm gonna celebrate my son's birthday. But even after I'll do all of that, I still felt shitty. I just felt like it wasn't enough, like wait after you gave birth my third child did all of that, mind you.
Speaker 2:And then I had a cesarean. Oh my gosh. Yes, like I was in super mom mode and I still didn't feel like I had superpowers, like oh my gosh enough like we were still home. We're supposed to be on vacation. I was so ungrateful like, and then my son is looking at me like I don't even know what a first birthday right like tripping right now, mom, like, and then my husband's looking at me like, are you serious?
Speaker 2:my daughter is like what's going on? Who cried? I'm just crying, I won't come out the room, I'm I'm really acting like it's my birthday and everything is wrong. So that was my first shitty mom experience, um. And then this second, um, my daughter's sweet 16, which just happened. Um, we were, we, we purchased her a car, but we were. We got her a penthouse, like in the city of Atlanta, and we were decked, and my shitty mom experience was just trying to do everything so perfect and the thing about it was it was like a glass house. It's like a glass like type of penthouse, so it was like windows and we were decorating the balloons.
Speaker 2:first of all the balloons start falling. That was one thing, because we were trying to connect them to the ceiling and because we had it was so cold that it was like everything was just like deflating and falling. And then it was like we were just taping balloons to the window. They kept falling off and I'm like really losing it. And then, like her father and his wife was there, she was helping, my sister was there, and then my business partner was there and they just saw how much of a brat I really was. Like I'm just like if I don't get these balloons up, she's going to hate it. She's not. It's not going to be perfect, she's not. This is her sweet 16.
Speaker 1:Like everything is going to be perfect yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we arrived too early, everything that we had to do, like we had them in the room for like an hour and 30 minutes. They were impatient, I'm impatient, I wasn't ready, I hadn't got my makeup done, put on my clothes, when I tell you. And then I felt like a shitty mom for even walking downstairs with house slippers on because everything was just so wrong that I didn't want to put on clothes. I didn't want to do anything. I was just. I just felt like it wasn't like. I just feel like when it comes to celebrating my kids or if everything isn't perfect, or it's just like I really felt like a mom.
Speaker 2:That's why, when I read the um podcast review and everything you know, I was like this is really a thing. Like being feeling like any mom is a thing. You know it. Say it to yourself, because saying it to like someone else, it just brings like DCF moments. So like being able to talk about being a shitty mom at times, like it's so therapeutic because I really like, and I started crying. Like, I started crying and they're like what are you crying for? Like, like, and I started crying, like, I started crying and they're like what are you crying for? Like, most moms can't do this for their kids.
Speaker 2:Most moms can't purchase their kids a car. Most moms do this stuff, so what are you crying for? I was like because it's not perfect. Every experience you're supposed to go through is supposed to be perfect, Like girl.
Speaker 1:I felt shitty and see, and this is why we have this show like it. The show was definitely born out of that moment like me, just like venting and upset because again in my mind it's supposed to be like this, like this, like this, and I'm not doing this. I'm not doing that and you know what? I think I just told my husband one day, like you know what I'm just a shitty mom like, and that's what it's gonna be like. I'm shitty. You know what? I'm gonna start a show. It's gonna be called for shitty moms, because I can't be the only shitty mom like how are they doing this?
Speaker 1:And I think it was between me creating those expectations for myself, because at 36, I'm supposed to have it all together. Like I feel like I was supposed to be a millionaire by now. I'm supposed to have traveled the world with my child. My child isn't even supposed to be in public school. That was not part of my plan. Like I wanted to homeschool. I wanted to have these businesses launched. I wanted to be this top researcher and like I'm still punching a clock at this nine to five. Like my kid is in public school. We having all this back and forth with, like what he's supposed to be doing, what he's not doing. The teachers are not meeting my expectations and it was just overwhelming too much. And I'm like you know what? How are these other people doing it? Because I'm just a shitty mom, like this person did this with their kid. This person went here and I can't even do that. And when you really start pulling back those layers and talking to people, we're all calling ourselves shitty moms for different reasons, because we're we're doing certain things that we want and prioritizing one thing, but then our expectations are so much higher for ourselves that when we don't meet our own expectations, uh, we are devastated. And usually the moms who are calling themselves like the shitty moms nine times out of ten they're really good moms who are trying to take things to that next level and just experiencing that challenge. When you have an expectation, you know what it's supposed to look like and there's a discrepancy between what it's supposed to look like and what it really looks like and just that struggle of self-improvement trying to elevate your family, trying to create authentic experiences, trying to be present, trying to create that extra time with your significant other to make sure you're connected so your kids can see what a healthy relationship and a healthy marriage looks like, and then trying to find time to do self-care. It's just a lot.
Speaker 1:And I I do have to give the disclaimer. And I think one of my shows, I think I created like a whole episode like look, because you said DCF, and I was like yep, that came to mind too. So I had to create like a whole message like look, I am not encouraging child neglect. That that's not what I mean. So when I do come across moms that's like oh yeah, because I didn't do such and such, like wait a minute, that's neglect. Hold up, I'm a mandatory reporter. Like don't say that around me, you. The other shitty mom. Like no, you, that's a different therapy, that's it. And that's what I usually tell moms like uh-uh, that's a different therapy, that's not, this is not for you, huh so you're like please don't say that right, like wait a minute.
Speaker 1:So I did have to clarify, because there is a sense of authenticity where you can sit back, talk to another mom and be like oh my God, like I feel like shit or oh my God, today I was just so shitty and then really actively looking for ways to improve, and that's pretty much what the show is about. So I wanna go over some of the rewards, because you did say, despite all of the challenges and I feel like today, out of all of my episodes, you've touched on some pretty serious stuff that you either experienced or you're experiencing now with motherhood, a limited support system, like a husband who's doing the stay-at-home dad thing, because being a stay-at-home parent, usually that was one of my goals. Like when I became a parent, I just knew I was going to be that mom. That was like this hippie mom, stay at home mom, and I can say, like being on maternity leave, I was like oh shit, like I can't do, I'm not bit. I thought I was built for it, I wasn't built for it and again, that's just with one kid. So when you say like it's serious, like anyone, if you really have experienced that, like being that sole provider for every single thing that a child needs.
Speaker 1:It's hard and I think for me during that time, my husband he was trying to climb the ladder in corporate America, which meant he had a lot of sacrifices to make. Some weeks he would work 70 hours a week Like if that's what they they needed. He had to do it because he set some goals for himself and I just kind of had to suck it up and we would really clash, like when my son was a lap baby, when he was really small. We would clash because I'm feeling like I'm stuck in the house all day, I'm exhausted, and then he comes home and he's like shit, I just work, like it's seven o'clock, I'm stuck in the house all day, I'm exhausted, and then he comes home and he's like shit, I just worked, like it's seven o'clock, I'm just coming home, but I left the house at 430 this morning, you know. So he's exhausted and I'm not even trying to hear it.
Speaker 1:You know, and, like you said, you have a parent who's young, so do I. So me getting that relief from a grandparent? That's not an option because, guess what, she had her nine-to-five as well, so it's all on me. So I I really think that is super important, and if you haven't experienced it, then there's no way for you to truly identify with what that feels like. Um. So hats off to you for even recognizing his sacrifice, and hats off to your husband for like holding it down, because that is not easy for anyone. So shout out to him what's his name.
Speaker 1:Tavares, tavares, shout out to Tavares for holding it down, because that is not simple, it's not easy, it's a lot um.
Speaker 2:So what are some of the rewards that you guys have experienced, um during this new parenting experience, because it's a totally different dynamic for you guys right now um, I'm gonna say the rewards, um, that I honestly feel like, even throughout life period, is, um, the love, like the love and the bond that I have within my household, something I've never experienced, mind you.
Speaker 2:Not, um, it's just a different type of love, it's a different type of I don't even know how to explain it. It's just a feeling like sometimes people feel like rewards are like, um, it's like money and things that you, that you can actually like, tangible items, you know, but for me everything is like when I can feel something from the heart, like entering my home is a level of peace that's rewarding to me. Because life is hard, you know, nowadays, like outside of my home it's always a hustle, it's it's mind blowing, it's it's always a hustle, it's mind blowing, it's aggravation. You know you're dealing with adults, you're managing adult lives Like you never you're, so I'm so keen on fixing everybody's life except for my own in some way. So when I'm home, like the reward is really like the love in the bond that I have with my kids, like the peace in my household, like, no matter what we go through, like once I'm in the atmosphere of my home, it's like I don't know, it's life-changing that's.
Speaker 1:That's what it's all for, that hustle, that struggle, that's what it's like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, once I shut that door, like all that chaos outside of it is like it goes away, like it's like a breath of fresh air and um, and I didn't. I wasn't um raised, you know, with. I was raised on love, but as far as like um just expressing how we feel about our day and just hugging and kissing and just that affectionism that you don't have growing up Because our parents were different, they weren't. So every day my kids are loved. As a wife I feel loved. I know my husband feels loved Because any given moment, like we're like hands-on with each other. You know my daughter she love, like she knows that there's love there. So if they leave that house or whatever case for me, they know when they come home is there. So to me that's like the only reward that I feel, because life is chaotic yeah, for me everything that I juggle.
Speaker 2:I think that's the most, like that's the greatest reward for me.
Speaker 2:And just being able to do everything that I do you know from my home, like working and everything, like you say everybody's so keen to feel like survival is all about nine to five or that corporate America.
Speaker 2:But just to be able to do everything that I do and it doesn't feel like I'm working, like that's rewarding as well. Because think about how many people are actually working jobs they really don't want to, you know, really do. Or they feel like every day it's like, oh, I gotta do this today, you know like I gotta go here. Or they're like it's like a struggle getting into work or you know the act of work, but actually it never feels like I'm working, because my greatest like aspect is like it's just me helping people, like I love helping people, and sometimes it doesn't cost them anything. You know, it's just a conversation. Sometimes that conversation helps motivate me and in themselves, you know. So I think that's another reward, like just being able to be in a career where I never I never feel like I'm working. I just feel like it's something heartfelt, like it's just something I was destined to do.
Speaker 1:So that's great and you definitely have a gift. I feel like just my experience with you, with you like guiding me through some things. You make the operational side of a business and I'm talking about me like being a consultant of yours and working with you being a customer I do feel like a lot of things that I didn't know about business. You made it so simple and so easy to understand. It gave me a little more confidence in myself to say, okay, it's time to expand, Like you can do this. It doesn't have to be that intimidating, you don't have to shy away from it and you can make this more profitable and manage it yourself. So you definitely have a gift and I feel like because you're so adamant about creating that peaceful environment for your home.
Speaker 1:It seems like that's what makes juggling everything that you do with work and with all of your businesses that you have. I feel like that probably makes it doable because you have that separation of, like super busy work life, entrepreneurship. You have that on the outside, but when you go home there's peace. You can kind of unplug and recharge, and it's great that you're able to get that from your family, because a lot of people can't do that. When they get home. You know there's no peace and harmony at home and you at least have an outlet in the home that you can control to make sure that's there. One of my last questions I want to ask you is what advice do you wish someone had given you about motherhood sooner?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, yeah, let me see. So the advice I would give well, that I wish someone gave me. I always thought that motherhood would be easy because people I'm going to say people that actually plan to have kids or wanted to have kids, always made it seem like it was an easy thing. But I think for um, for me, I would want to know the hard components.
Speaker 2:Um, a lot of my family, you know, when we're kids growing up, it's either we were, we thought babysitting or helping our moms or fathers with our siblings was like the toughest thing, because as kids we thought feeding and things like that were a part of their job. So that was hard for us. But the hard, the most hard part is to just financially be in a great place, I would say, because I think being a parent and kind of being financially incompetent, it brings a lot of depression, it brings a lot of anger and frustration and sometimes that frustration you kind of drive that energy onto your children, you know, absolutely, and that builds like a character trait that you don't want to kind of, you know, bring upon your kids personality. So that's one thing. Um, I would say time management and just having a team or even just one support, one supportive person that you can actually depend on you know that's your companion, because a lot of us black moms end up being single moms.
Speaker 2:So you got to make sure that before you start to have children like how your grandmother would say, you know, make sure you know, you know who you lay with before you have kids, because a lot of those cognitive issues that we don't know about, you know, that goes on in the life of the mother or the father. You know we need to make sure that we know who we're having. We're swapping genetic traits with we're having.
Speaker 2:We're swapping genetic, genetic traits with because there's a whole nother set of stressors. Yeah, absolutely, that's another factor in just being at peace. Like pregnancy and like motherhood is really supposed to be a beautiful thing, especially your pregnancy, like my pregnancy was a beautiful thing. You know, don't get me wrong. It's just that juggling with two kids as a you know, as a mom, just starting all over just the age gap, it's it's different, but it's supposed to be a beautiful thing. Everything everyone around you in your environment is supposed to be peaceful. It's supposed to be easy.
Speaker 2:You know you shouldn't be at a fight with life. You know, like the person you are having children with should be a good supportive partner. My first pregnancy was not that way. Okay, it wasn't so. Being that I have my husband now, I now understand why women say you know like maturity goes a long way. Yeah, you know like maturity goes a long way. So, you know, I feel like different times in our life. You know, maybe people have to experience things to get better at things. I'm not sure. But this pregnancy was different because I had a supportive partner. You got to make sure your husband, even if he has to be a stay at home dad, he's still a good leader you know, and, okay, I'll make this easy for you.
Speaker 2:Even though it's hard for me, I'm still going to make life easier for you. You know you deserve the flowers, you deserve the compliments you deserve, like all the great things in life. So just just know that whoever you want to, you know, have a family with, just make sure that the love that you're giving you're also receiving, you know so that's another thing and just take your time. Like, just take your time. It's not going to be perfect. You know, when you're having children you can't even really plan, because once they're there, they're there.
Speaker 1:You have to love your kids.
Speaker 2:You have to focus on your children because who they become as an adult reflects on their upbringing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so.
Speaker 2:I think that's the most like advice that I would have wanted you know before I had kids. And just have fun, have fun being a mom like have fun, like find some fun, I don't care if it's just coloring with your child. Like I don't care if it's baking cookies or just even if you don't have the money, like you can still be a good parent at doing free things, because those free things brings your homes, your home, peace you know yeah absolutely create memories.
Speaker 2:You know their first picture, their first painting, their first ornament, like save it, keep it. You know so when you're you're down, bad or you you just feel like life is a struggle, just go back to that box or that folder you know, or those pictures and just reminisce, because that'll bring you some type of harmony to like whatever it is you're going through like. That's what I reflect on. But yeah, I keep everything. So I keep everything in a box. I keep everything in my file cabinet for my daughter, her, for all her report cards. I still have everything that makes me proud as a mom. So when I feel like I'm off, it's just like but you got a smart kid, you have a beautiful kid.
Speaker 2:You know, she did that, like who you are today, like, come on, like, stop being, stop beating yourself down. Right, don't beat yourself down. You're doing the best you can and do not reflect your life upon someone else's, Because what you see may be good on social media or in the life of someone else, there's still darkness there, yeah, but people are not going on social media or in the life of someone else. There's still darkness there, yeah, but people going to publicize the darkness right.
Speaker 2:So you have to just live your own life and kind of turn that social life the knob off like it's not a real thing. Yeah, absolutely so. You like you said I'm I'm very transparent. You know my kids get on my nerves or I'm going through something. Yes, I put on my social media, but when I was going through postpartum, no one knew until I said it.
Speaker 2:You know, you're not going to know that, You're not going to see certain things. So you just really have to just live your life and make your own traditions. Like, do your own thing. Like you know, when you go around your family you can see them, but don't allow your family to raise your children like they're your children and mastered the right and wrong from your parents and grandparents and create an atmosphere for your own children, your own traditions.
Speaker 1:like I'm big on that so I love that and I definitely see that, and if any of our listeners follow you on social media, I'm sure they can identify with everything that you're saying, because we see it, you know everything that you're telling us and it's just one of those things. You are one of the few people that I've encountered that what you are saying. You kind of live by those things yourself. So if any of our listeners are not familiar with you, how can they find you? How can they connect with you on social media? If they wanted to do some type of consulting with you, how can they reach you?
Speaker 2:So I can be reached. My main social media is Facebook, which is Kira Hubbard. My business page on Facebook is Thrive Consulting Group. My Instagram handle is Thrive with Kira. That's where I put all my business information. My website is thriveconsultinggroupnowcom. So if you wanted to set a consultation or you wanted to speak about business or coaching, I can be reached there as well, and um pretty much on all my social media you'll have my contact, my business cards, my website links.
Speaker 1:everything is pretty um transparent on all social media fronts okay, and I'll definitely add all of your social media handles and your contact information when the episode comes out. So when we release it, if any of the listeners want to follow you or contact you, that information will be posted as well. And I just want to say thank you so much for sharing this time with us, because you have a busy schedule I know you have little ones to get to but I just wanted to say thank you so much for allowing us to really dig deep into your motherhood experience and sharing that with us. I really appreciate your time and you just sharing your journey with us, and I look forward to all of the things that you and your family are going to accomplish, because you guys are very driven and very supportive of one another. So I just look forward to following you and seeing what you guys do next. I really appreciate your time, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. I appreciate your time as well. This was very therapeutic, by the way. I love everything about it and I'm so proud of you because this, this podcast, is different, very like for the mom. So, yes, once the episode comes out, I'm going to heavily promote because I think this would be good for a lot of moms. Thank, you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I appreciate it. Hey everyone, it's your favorite BCBAD here, Dr DeLoren. Continue making great content for listeners everywhere by visiting wwwforshittymomscom, where you can make a monthly contribution. Also visit us on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and TikTok at Foreshitty Moms and that's shitty. With an X, not an I.