For Shxtty Moms
“For Shxtty Moms” is a behavior change podcast for mom’s who are holding on by a thread. Listen as we talk to real moms about the challenges of motherhood; while exploring different strategies to help moms alike get their shxt together!
For Shxtty Moms
EP 16: Are You Present or Just Providing? A Father's Reflection on Parenthood
Step into the world of modern fatherhood as we sit down with Prentice Mobley, Superintendent for the city of Delray Beach and father to three children spanning different life stages. Prentice offers a refreshingly honest look at balancing career demands with family responsibilities, bringing a father's perspective to parenting conversations often dominated by maternal voices.
From his pre-dawn routine juggling workouts and school drop-offs to managing 48 city parks while being "Mr. Make It Happen" at home, Prentice reveals how he navigates professional responsibilities while remaining present for milestone moments. His unique position, having more workplace flexibility than his wife who works 12-hour nursing shifts, challenges traditional parenting dynamics and offers insights into how fathers can take leading roles in childcare.
The conversation delves into complex family structures, as Prentice shares how he parents children from different relationships and manages age gaps spanning more than a decade. He speaks candidly about protective fatherhood, awkward dating conversations with his teenage daughter, and finding the balance between enforcing boundaries and maintaining open communication.
With remarkable self-awareness, Prentice reflects on his own childhood experiences with an absent father and how they shaped his parenting philosophy: "Be present." Rather than getting caught in day-to-day frustrations, he takes a big-picture approach to family life, envisioning his role as nurturing a family tree while celebrating small victories like potty training successes and school achievements.
Whether you're a father seeking guidance, a mother wanting insight into a dad's perspective, or simply interested in modern parenting dynamics, this episode offers valuable wisdom on presence over perfection and the delicate balancing act of raising the next generation.
Listen now and join the conversation on what it means to be fully present as a parent in today's demanding world.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Episode Introduction and Guest Welcome
2:53 - Day in the Life: Balancing Work and Family
9:23 - Parenting Philosophy and Being "Mr. Make It Happen"
18:05 - Navigating Daughter Relationships and Sibling Dynamics
30:46 - Parenting Challenges and Work-Life Balance
47:39 - Present Parenting and Bigger Picture Thinking
1:00:49 - Father-Daughter Relationships and Dating Conversations
1:10:18 - Closing Thoughts and Contact Information
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity Behavioral Alliance, your number one source for behavior change. Fidelity Behavioral Alliance creates behavior change programs for schools, parents and organizations looking to reduce problem behaviors and improve performance outcomes. Find out more at wwwfidelitybehavioralliancecom. If you would like to sponsor an episode of FSM, email us at shitmom at gmailcom. That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M at gmailcom. M-o-m at gmailcom.
Speaker 2:It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready for another episode of For.
Speaker 1:Shitty Moms. All right, hey everyone. This is another episode of FSM. You're here with Dr Lori and today we have a special guest, again from the hometown. We have a lot of special guests from our hometown, but I guess a lot of people are doing some amazing things, and they're doing these things while being involved in the community, building careers and raising families. So this episode is going to be a little different because, instead of talking to a mom, we're going to talk to some dads in honor of Father's Day. So we're going to get some of their input and we're going to see how it goes. So, without further ado, our special guest today is Prentice Mobley. I'm going to let you take over and introduce yourself to the audience.
Speaker 3:Hey, all right, thank you, dr Lori. I appreciate being here. Shout out to everyone tuning in. My name is Princess Mobley. I'm a resident of Delray Beach, father of three, husband, also a superintendent for the city of Delray Beach that oversees all the recreation facilities, all the special events that go in the city, the parks and so forth, and I just try to do my best to uplift the community in any way I can assist, in any way I can, by trying to raise my children in a world that constantly changes, you know. So, once again, thanks for having having me and I'm honored to be here awesome thanks for joining us.
Speaker 1:So I just want to know and I'm sure the guests want to know as well if you could describe what it's like the day in the life of at your job, your role with the city, and what does that look like? And then how do you, do you fit parenting into to that role, or is it the other way around? So give us an idea of what your everyday life looks like okay.
Speaker 3:So I usually get up around like uh, like 5 30, uh, get around 5 30. My wife is a RN, she's a nurse, so she works like seven to seven, 12 hour shifts. So usually my day usually goes I get up at 530. I would go to go do me a workout. I take a nice little run or something. Sometimes I shoot some basketball shots and I wake the kids up, prepare breakfast, get them ready for school. I wake the kids up, prepare breakfast, get them ready for school. Even though I have a my daughter was a senior this past year I still have to wake her up, get them ready for school, get myself ready for work. Usually I get my stuff out the night before. Everything's pretty much prepared the night before. Okay.
Speaker 3:And we live in Whirlpalm. So leaving Whirlpalm and driving about 30 minutes 35 minutes depending on the traffic to Delray, drop all the kids off the school. This past year my daughter would drive my car, so I would. If I didn't drop her off, I'll drop myself off and get in my city vehicle, let her take the, you know. Drop Malia, who's in third grade, drop her off first at Bain Creek and then, if I didn't drop uh, my oldest off first and she wanted the car that day which happened a lot this year she would just drop me off to the uh impound.
Speaker 3:I would just get my work vehicle okay and I just jump in my work vehicle and move around from there and then they're all set until it's time to pick them up later. But um, and I start my work day, uh, basically, uh, checking emails. Uh, I'm a non-exempt employee, so you know, I basically all is on our I'm on the clock all the time. Okay, I don't really have a set schedule. Eight to nine o'clock schedule, pretty much.
Speaker 3:Uh, you know it's it's pretty constant oh, wow and I'll check emails, uh, whatever meeting set that day. I get my assistant and see what I got that day on my uh calendar. Uh, just basically go through the calendar, whatever presents itself that day. If it's a Tuesday, I got commission meetings, and that that requires different things. If it's a normal day during the week, I usually like to be out.
Speaker 3:I don't like sitting at my desk unless I have to do something like prepare a presentation or uh, you know, doing some budgetary things. So I'm usually out and about checking the parks. We have like 48 parks in Delray, oh wow, so I like to go to each park. Um, the biggest parks that are my responsibility are the staff parks, so I will go to the parks that are uh, staffed and you know, talk with the staff. What's going on? You know whatever issues, because there's always something going on in the city of Delray Beach, so it's never dull and uh, you know, my day just goes. It just it's just constant, a constant thing uh, putting out fires, uh, making adjustments, paying for things, improving things, uh, and then, uh, depending on that day, I may have a community meeting among a lot of different uh community work groups and uh boards.
Speaker 3:Uh, healthier dairy beach which focuses on mental health and trauma. Also, you know, I got my buddy works at the with some non-profits. You know whatever I can do to assist them in their daily trying to reach their goals. And then I usually go pick up my daughter from out of school and then, once I pick her up, you know, take her to wherever her daily activity that day is, whether it's dance, or you know, take her to wherever her daily activity that day is, whether it's dance or, you know, basketball or whatever she has going on. And what I coordinated with my other daughter who I was working this year, get them together trying to coordinate that while still working.
Speaker 3:And then I find a way to when it's time to go, which they're like dad, are we leaving, dad, we we leave, use around seven o'clock, eight o'clock, leave delray and head up to world palm. Get the world palm at the house. You know, um, walk the dog, uh, make sure the dog straight, uh, and then prepare for that evening, usually cook. If we didn't stop and get something, I'll probably cook something quick, or I'll drop the kids off and run to publics and grab something, because I don't like grocery shopping big like that, I like it fresh. So I just might just go get it right then and then, um, yeah, man, then you know, if I have a little time I might have me a glass of wine or something.
Speaker 3:Read, um, you know, uh, and still checking emails, because I'm still kind of, you know, on call on the clock you know things are going on in my department until 10 o'clock at night, so, um then, that's it man, that's a long day, do it all over the next day, yeah oh, wow, okay.
Speaker 1:So, oh, wow. So you guys, I, I take it there's some extracurricular activities, aftercare and all that stuff, but that's still a really long day. That sounds like a long day for everybody. So, yeah, would you consider like your job? Would you consider that field like a parent friendly, where, if one of the kids are sick, you know, do you have a difficult time trying to get time off? Do you have to coordinate with your wife like who's gonna pick up if the school calls and one of the kids are sick, or are you in a place where they're pretty understandable, family comes first and and they don't give you a hard time about stuff like that? How does that work?
Speaker 3:yeah, yeah, I mean me being, you know, kind of like the boss. So, you know, in in that sense, I have a lot of flexibility to move around, okay, more flexibility than my wife, being that she's at a hospital. Right she can't just leave. So when it comes to picking the kids up early, doing all that, I do that. That's why they go to school in Delray and not World Palm or Wellington Because I have that availability.
Speaker 3:I have the flexibility to move around a lot. So if I got to pick them up early or there's an issue at the school, most of times there's a lot of teachers they know me, they don't even know, and that goes for both of my kids, and my oldest has a different mom, but even her, her growing up same thing like a lot of teachers. They know me, they see me and they're always like where are the moms? They're around. You know, kind of you know, but it's just that they see me all the time. So, um, yeah, man, very uh, I'm able to do that. I'm blessed to be in that position. So my yes, the answer to your question yes, my job provides great work-life balance to allow me to have that flexibility. Um, no one really. You know trips on that, but I don't take any days off, so I just do it within the mix of the day okay that's my issue.
Speaker 1:Oh, take enough time, okay, well that's awesome because because normally you hear women trying to get the jobs that have a little more flexibility, because the husbands usually have a more difficult time trying to leave work and things like that. So that's kind of cool that we get a chance to get some insight where the roles are a little reverse you have more flexibility, so you're a little more hands-on. That's pretty cool. So besides working, um and parenting, do you have any other like hobbies, interests, businesses side hustles, what do you do? I mean, your schedule sounds pretty jam-packed already, but is are you able to do something for yourself outside of work and parenting?
Speaker 3:yeah, I mean I like to read when I get some quiet time or you know if I'm not reading out right. You know I got a couple unfinished projects I've been working on. As far as writing, you know I write music. I really don't in my profession. I really don't have the time to do a lot of outside things. I mean I do do event hosting, okay.
Speaker 3:So you know I host events, but you know, right now, and if I'm not trying to travel and put together trips like that, my few free time you know that I do have without my kids or my profession, or trying that I'm trying to, you know, take more time for myself, because sometimes I feel like you know so many things I want to do I'm not able to do because I'm kind of, you know, kind of are that steady person, kind of leading the household, but I don't really, you know it doesn't really bother me that much because you know you make sacrifices for your family and make sure everybody's good. So that makes me feel happy just by doing that. So I'm not really upset about it, but my therapist did tell me I need to do a better job.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. So that's good that at least you recognize it and you're taking steps towards improving that. So that's pretty cool. How, how would you describe yourself as a dad? What kind of dad are you?
Speaker 3:oh man, you actually me. Yes, much I mean. I would say I'm a cool dad. Oh, I'm the enforcer. You know, what I'm saying. I'm very protective of my children, very involved. I have a vast knowledge of a lot of things that sometimes surprise my kids and, being at the profession I'm in, I'm able to kind of keep up with what's going on with the current trends and stuff like that. You know I like to joke around, so you know I like to give them them.
Speaker 3:you know I like to have fun with them but at the same time they know like I'm the serious one, like you know I don't play okay but I like to keep the mood very, you know, happy because you know I have two daughters like so you know that's, you know they're my babies, you know so. But it's like dealing with their attitudes and the mood changes and stuff like that. I mean Sometimes I don't have the patience for, but I do. I did grow to Deal with it better, so okay.
Speaker 1:So what would your kids say about you as a dad? How do you think they would describe you?
Speaker 3:Okay, my oldest will probably say I'm overprotective, she's a senior. So she would probably say I'm overprotective because she's a senior. So she would probably say I'm overprotective and she called me Mr.
Speaker 3:Make it Happen, okay that's nice, yeah, yeah, because you know she already. She already know if I even though if I tell her this ain't gonna work you know she know if I have to do it, I'm gonna do what I have to do to make it happen for her. So she called me that. So that's her name for me my my pie, that my third grader.
Speaker 3:I don't know what she would call, she just would call me cool, I guess okay just she, just, uh, she's experiencing different things that my oldest didn't experience, because I'm in a different position in my life okay so, like you know, her experience as a child is a little different from the experience of my oldest and then my son, he's you know, he's three, so he he just dug it in a positive way.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, so how is that dynamic between the two girls being that I'm sure the oldest does, she recognize the differences between, like the way she was brought up in the way the younger sister is being brought up, and and how do you kind of explain that to her?
Speaker 3:yeah, man, it was difficult. I'm not going to um, you know it was a difficult time because, um, you know, they're 10 years apart. So, uh, my daughter was used to being the only child for a while. So when the new baby came on and the new lady because you know, they know they don't have this, they don't. They're half sisters, they don't share the same mother. So, just dealing with the fact that me and her mom wasn't together and you know I dealt with a lot of stuff with that with her and then bringing in a new child and a new woman, it was a it was a lot of, you know, conversations behind that trying to get to that point. Um, at first, when the baby came, she was really cool, but as as uh Malia gets older, they fight more, so like they're always fighting. But it's love there, it's true love there.
Speaker 3:Don't get me wrong, I didn't have that moment. She does a hair. Uh, she picks her up sometimes when I can't. You know, when I ask her I'm in a meeting and I can't really move around, she'll go pick her up, so it's been helpful. It's a love-hate relationship between them.
Speaker 1:I mean they're sisters.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know what I'm saying and it was a little bit of jealousy there. As someone, it's interesting to see the two ladies and the age difference and how they interact. What one? You know you're 18 and you're telling me it's not fair that a that a nine-year-old got a wall. A cup, like you know I'm saying, is like your cup, like it's stuff like that, which is I think it's crazy, like it's so petty, but it's.
Speaker 1:You gotta pay your dues, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're right. She tell her that, like you don't know nothing about it, you just got it made. You just think money growing. Look at you, you sound like me. Look at you, at the same time asking me for money. Right, I'm gonna tell the youngest one, you know I'm saying money. Money don't grow on trees or whatnot. And then you come around to me and you ask me something outrageous. You know, man the nerve well, she paid her dues.
Speaker 1:That's why she's older.
Speaker 3:She paid her dues I guess so, but that's I'm paying her dues yeah, yeah, mr, make it happen yes, that's why you got the name but that's good, it sounds like I mean that sounds like a typical sister relationship.
Speaker 1:My sister and I are five years apart and until she went away to college we were like oil and water, like we did not get along, didn't like each other. You know, we would fight all the time. We were very protective of each other, so we didn't want each other. You know, we would fight all the time, we were very protective of each other, so we didn't want anybody else like messing with our sister. But we really didn't get along. Until she moved away to college and I'm five years younger, so it kind of like hit home. As we were dropping her off, I didn't realize that she was staying because she went to school in tampa. So I'm like, oh cool, like we went around the campus, we saw the college classrooms and we helped her set up her dorm and it just didn't register that she was staying and we were going, you know, back home. So yeah, when we drove off.
Speaker 1:I kind of just had a breakdown and my mom was like y'all don't even like each other, like what's like what you crying for and I'm like, so we just gonna leave her.
Speaker 1:And she like it's college, yeah. So then we got a lot closer. I think we just kind of took advantage of being together all the time. Growing up, you know, your parents are like, if you go, your sister got to go. If you go here, take your sister with you. So I think we kind of took advantage of that. And then once we were in a position where we could not be together every single day, it was like devastating, like I can't believe you let her go all the way over here like that's about to happen
Speaker 3:to me, my daughter's getting ready to go to Tallahassee and my daughter mash I don't think she knows like either one of them. I said well, it's gonna hit y'all, y'all gonna be like. You know. I'm saying this is it? Yeah, I mean, so I feel like I that's coming for me, you kind of foreshadowing what I'm gonna be experiencing here the excitement is there, but I don't think you can really.
Speaker 1:You can try to prepare for it, but it's probably really not gonna sink in until you guys are like all right, dorm room set up, you got everything you need, we get ready, hit the road and you know then I think it'll probably sink in, so that'll be interesting. You got to keep us posted on how that goes, because I'm just interested to see.
Speaker 1:So she's going to school in Tallahassee. Yes, okay, that's awesome. Congratulations. Yeah, I saw she just graduated, so you got one under your belt. You got one graduate under your belt, and now you got two more to go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I know what I was thinking.
Speaker 1:I feel like our generation, a lot of us we may have had kids early and then I feel like our generation especially, I'm seeing a lot of us hit that reset button and having, you know, 10 plus years between like your children. But, like you said, you're kind of in a different point in life, so I think it's doable.
Speaker 3:I see people doing it now, so yeah, yeah, it's doable, but it see people doing it now. So, yeah, but it's different, I guess. I guess sometimes you all you want and you want the other kid and you don't realize how that times flew back, flew by, but they're having that first kid kind of give you experience in a way, and then you kind of you know, you kind of feel like you know what you're doing, but then the other one comes and you like like god, dang it, my other child ain't do this. You know what I'm saying. Oh, he's totally different than them out. You know what I'm saying. Right, what was I thinking? Okay, each child is different.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying so how are you handling that, all these different personalities now? Because, like you said, you went from just one being an only child. Now you have two more added into that. So how do you? Do you parent them all the same, or do you kind of switch it up because their personalities are different?
Speaker 3:yeah, I ain't gonna lie, I parent them differently. Um, my oldest is older, so, uh, me, you know, she has a guy friend, I almost said boyfriend. She has a guy friend. Okay, um, I guess she calling the boyfriend I don't I don't call him that, okay, just to be clear. But, um, yeah, she has the guy friend. So it's a conversation about that, I mean, you know, about stuff that you know she got going on because she's of age. So, you know, it's almost our conversation a little bit more mature and more more like a guidance thing.
Speaker 3:Uh, with my three-year-old woman, I'm sorry, with my nine-year-old, it's more of a, you know, continuing, molding her, raising her, you know, uh, getting her assistance, you know tutoring, uh, you know, having fun, more loving, loving on her. Uh, she's, she's like a real daddy's girl, both of them are uh. So I'm a little bit more uh with her, I guess not as hard as I am with my oldest, but at the same time, um, she's with me all the time because she doesn't have a job, she doesn't, you know. So she's always with me, more so than my oldest, because my oldest has a life now she's just doing her own thing, right, you feel me? So my other one's always with me. So, yeah, she sees different. You know she still gets punishments and stuff like that, you know. So, uh, it's a little different. But my son, he's totally different because he's, he's just, he's like me, he's the most like me out of all my kids okay, it's three. So I'm a little, I'm a little hard on him honestly. Uh, I love on him you feel me.
Speaker 3:But I feel like you know, I'm more like you're a young man, so it's a whole different thing than raising two daughters. It's like a different mold. My mind goes into, you know, dealing with him. But he gets babied by his mother and his grandmother and all that stuff. I don't really baby him per se, okay, I just love on him.
Speaker 1:I love on them. I love on them, but I don't pay them, okay. So, with that being said, I want you to think back to your most recent or most memorable I guess. I usually I call this a shitty mom moment, but for you like a shitty dad moment or a shitty parenting moment you mean like why I messed up? Well when you feel like you messed up, you feel like you could have handled something differently one of those situations man.
Speaker 3:Um, I'm trying to think of some recent, recent things been pretty smooth recently. I can say, uh, that I definitely have my moments where I I definitely have to look back and I have to say that did I handle that the right way? Um, I can say, recently I spoke on the guy friend thing with my oldest. Uh, you know when she started doing you know her dating thing or whatever she was doing, uh, you could tell how I talked about it.
Speaker 3:I was, um, uh, you know I was, I I wasn't in the loop of it, so her mom knew about it, my wife knew about it. Uh, even grandma knew about it, like no one you know, and did not want to tell me what the situation was or what was going on. So, um, an incident happened and, uh, and I found out about it, and I think my daughter asked me something about going to pick him up or something like that. And, uh, we got in a big fight. Uh, we got in a big fight about the thing because I think she asked for him to come over to play video games or something like that, and me and her got in a big fight. I'm like, nah, ain't no dude coming to my house? And she was like, oh well, you hate him and and and dad, I'm getting older and all this bullcrap, right. So I'm like man, listen, you get older, you're not coming to my house, like he's, like you don't even acknowledge him. I'm like, first of all, no one told me you know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:So, um, you told me I acknowledge somebody. No, I don't acknowledge him. You know I was, was like me, you go to college, I'm not even going on like, be together like this. Oh no, they're the same age where they're great apart, okay. And I was like you're gonna go to school, you gonna have more experiences to do, they gonna be around. Why I need to meet him? Cuz she's like dad want you to meet him. I don't need to meet buddy. You know I don't need to meet him like for what he ain't nobody. You know what I'm?
Speaker 3:saying right and we got a little fight about that and, um, I had to really sit and like just be like you know what man like this is life right. And your daughter, she's not five, yeah, you know, she's 18, she was, she was 17 at the time and, uh, you know what made her think she had to hide that from me in the first place and not come to me about it because we're very close. That was one thing, and then the other thing that you know, I really felt bad about the things I said and how I said them.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:And some of the other things I might have spewed out at the time.
Speaker 3:Well, I was coming from a place of guidance and love, but I really was hurting her feelings okay you know, I really hurt her feelings a lot and uh, you know, uh, and yeah, I came to the point where, you know, she got upset. You know I, you know, I basically told her she can go, like I was, like, you can go with your mama, you know what I'm saying. Okay, you got my house, go live with your mama, right? And um, man man, that was that was.
Speaker 3:That was not a good thing, because, you know, I felt really bad about that and I ended up apologizing to her and going to her and telling her you know, I'm sorry, you know I love her and I just, you know, I'm just very protective and you know I'm a man, I know how guys is. You know that whole spiel and just you know that whole spiel, and just you know, uh, I support her, just communicate with me. And uh, since we got to a cool spot where I'm okay with the dude right now, okay, he still know, you know, yeah, he still know it ain't like that, you know. But I think we're in a better place now where, uh, and just yesterday he came over, he came over yesterday. Okay, that's progress, yeah, so I made a lot of progress, a lot of progress.
Speaker 3:But it took that. It took that you know that self, that self-accountability on myself, you know being a dad and her being a, a woman, young woman, and, um, just being able to look at that and and really step back and say, hey, how can we make this open, those lines of communication better when I'm not the angry dad? And then she rebelled, she started yelling at me, yeah just because, despite of me and you know I didn't want that.
Speaker 1:So well, it's good that you recognize that, because usually that's what happens next, like you don't like it. You know, and that's the age as well. So I can remember taking my mom through it around that age and I'm like mom, how did you survive like two teenage girls doing that rebellious thing like if she says up, I say down. If she says no I say yes yeah just just ready to, I guess, prove that you're an adult, especially, I feel like for girls.
Speaker 1:If they're more responsible, they're getting the good grades, if they have, like, a job, you kind of get that sense of like I'm an adult already, like yeah, my gosh, tell me about it, Tell me at least you kept the lines of communication open, because I feel like normally, just from personal experience, I feel like that's where the rebellion started, like my mom gave me a hard no and it was like I'm grown, like I'm practically grown I'm 17. I'm almost out of this house and I'm going to be taking care of of myself and I have a job already like and that was the beginning of the end, right, but it's good that you know she was able to speak her piece.
Speaker 1:You were able to tell her where she was, where you were coming from, so both of you have a better understanding. So I like that Because, yeah, when you have the older ones, I feel like especially the younger generations we have taught our kids how to advocate for themselves, and it's kind of like a double-edged sword when they start advocating for themselves with you.
Speaker 1:Yes, goodness so you have to like, respect their voice and just try to find a way to strike the balance, and I feel like I'm dealing with that now. I have a 12-year-old. He's a boy, okay, and I want him to be able to advocate for himself and speak up and articulate, because I feel like boys are more inclined to shut down and not really say how they're feeling in the first place. So I'm always trying to get him to like you know, you need to use your words, you need to say what you feel, don't just say forget it, suck your teeth and walk off, forget about it. But when he starts doing it to me, I'm like, huh, like wait a minute.
Speaker 1:Slow down, slow down. That's big as a mom.
Speaker 3:That you do that, that's big as a mom, that you do that, Because you know us boys. You know we got a soft spot for mommy, you know, and even though we might feel like mommy's annoying us being, annoying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, definitely we got a soft spot for mommy.
Speaker 3:So we here. Yeah so he listening, but he just 12. Oh man, shout out to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because he's getting to that middle school age and some days I'm like is this, like okay, what's happening right now? Because you know someday. Right.
Speaker 2:And I okay what's happening right now because you know someday right, and I'm starting to see it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm starting to seeing it like, uh, did I just hallucinate? Like what just happened? Chill out, like I know I want you to advocate, but you doing it a little too well right now. I don't like it, yeah a little bit so right now, with parenting. What are your three biggest challenges right now as a parent?
Speaker 3:Not in this particular order, but I would say challenges would be just time, just spending equal time with them because they are at different stages in their life. You know, you have one getting ready to go to college. You have one that was in a tough, had a tough year in third grade, um, with the testing and stuff. She has her challenges that she's dealing with. And then having a uh young guy who's three, who's getting ready to go to to uh kind of daycare, go to school and, uh, you know, make sure he's developing properly and, you know, get him involved in sports. So that's a challenge spreading love and basically three different, I guess the nine-year-old and the three-year-old, that's, that's six years apart, but you know, the different, uh and different decades. Almost it feels, feels like, uh, balancing that, uh, that's, that's, that. That's a big challenge Financially, hell, just being able to provide man, you know, living in South Florida, as you know, it's expensive man and you need multiple streams of income throughout the household and it's just.
Speaker 3:You know the kids are involved in things and, yeah, you know you want to be able to, for them to experience those things and also with that, also live your own lifestyle. And, you know, and not in not being a buy in that way. So that's also a challenge. And third, one would just be, I guess, being willing, being able. And I ain't talking about financially, I'm just I ain't talking about financially, I'm just talking about myself, taking care of myself, making sure I'm in the right mental space, making sure I am healthy, so I can see my three-year-old walk across that stage like that and see him have grandkids, being self-aware of how important I am to my kids and not being selfish enough and not go get checkups and not do those things and, you know, bring more stress to the family because I'm not.
Speaker 3:You know, looking at my for my health as well and my mental capacity and going to jail and doing 20 years of, you know, doing something out of selfishness and taking my way, taking myself out of that. So that's that's. That's always a challenge, you know, especially black man in America. You know you just gotta be. You know it could be hard out here, but that challenge be there for my children is, I would say, that's top three. So in no particular way.
Speaker 1:So how are you handling those right now? Are you trying to like feel your way through it? I mean, you've obviously put some thought into it and you've acknowledged the challenges, so that's usually like the first step. But are you actively working towards, like, let's say, with your well you already said that, though earlier with your health? You kind of make sure you get up, you go running or do some basketball or some kind of physical activity. Um, yeah, what about having your own life? Because I I feel like that's like a reoccurring theme. So how do you, do you coordinate with your wife? Like, what does that look like? How do you fit that in? How are you making that work?
Speaker 3:man, it's a, it's, it's, uh, I mean I guess it's working man, I guess I'm just going with the flow. I mean I have my pockets where I'm able to do certain things, but the day-to-day man, just so, it's so jam-packed, you know, and uh, you know, sometimes, you know, I, just you know, sometimes, you know, I, just you know, I'm okay with taking a certain sacrifice, I think. But, like I stated earlier, like just talking to you know, the time I have with my therapist, you know, and talking about certain things that I'm trying to heal from, you know, personally, that has nothing to do with my family, I think that I'm going to get there, I believe I'll get there. I'm not there yet. Uh, and it's, uh, it's, you know, okay. So I hate to say it is what it is, I hate saying that same, but it's a fact. So you know, I, I I'll try to get down. You know, I'm just thinking of different ways to open up more space, more time for myself, but it's a, it's a big challenge yeah, and it's it's small changes.
Speaker 1:So what about the time with the kids? Do you kind of schedule time with them, or do you get that time with them through like extracurricular activities, or are you still trying to figure that out as well? The the time component with the kids yeah, I'll get your time with them.
Speaker 3:It's just that I think, uh, each of them deserve like one-on-one time okay so that I will try to plan uh, I can always, I always have at least two of them, at least two of them at one time. You know what I'm saying? Uh, me and my oldest we spend a lot of time together per se, because we're doing stuff, getting her ready for college, and you know I'm picking up from work, or you know we do that. Uh, one-on-one time with my son. I have to plan that. I have to coordinate that. Uh, with my, with shooty, which is my nine-year-old, I have to plan one-on-one time with the problems I think on my schedule I got to find it.
Speaker 3:The good thing about my job is, you know, I work in parks and recreation, so like a lot of times I'm working and my kids are there okay. I'm saying so I'm like giving, I'm getting multiple things done at one time so, for example, we might have a spring fest, which is something we do for Easter, for. Easter egg, so I bring them there, and it's activities for the family, so there's family activities going on, but I'm also there working.
Speaker 3:At the same time you go, I'm saying right so that's me spending time with them and the extracurricular activity while I'm at work. Okay, so I'm doing multiple things at one time. That happens a lot. Uh, that's why I said when we talked about the flexibility and me being able to do different things, that's a way that I, you know, I have figured out to kind of fit that quality time in, because I'm working but I'm not working. I don't work a job where you know I need this area secure, because I'm building a foundation for a building you might fall on you.
Speaker 3:Nah, it's more. It's more of a. You know, it's event based, it's programming, it's activity. So they're having fun and I'm working at the same time oh, that's kind of like best of both worlds.
Speaker 1:It almost reminds me of like um my background. I started in education and initially I thought I wanted to be a principal, until I started looking at how much time the principal spends at the school.
Speaker 1:And it's like oh how you know how are they juggling families and how are they there for their own kids when you think about how often and how long a school is open, you know all the sporting events, the principal. You know that school is open. You know all the sporting events, the principal. You know that school is their baby, right?
Speaker 1:so yes they are there before the school opens. They're on call 24 7. If something happens at the school, if it's like a football game or something, they have to be there. And it just put it into perspective like, uh, I don't think I can be a principal with my husband. He works a corporate job so you know he would work sometimes 60 hours a week that somebody's got to be with the kid. Like how am I going to be a principal?
Speaker 1:So it's cool that even though you are on call all the time, like you said, it's event-based, it's more family friendly so you can have your kids there at the same time. Because it like hearing you talk about it and how you're on call constantly, you're in control of the events or where the, the space where the events are taking place. That does sound like, oh, like the principal at the school. They are there all the time, which leaves them with limited time for their own kids. But it's cool that if it's community-based, then you can have your kids tag along and you know they're having a good time and you're working. So that's, that sounds like the best of both worlds. That's pretty cool. So my next question do you have a dad village? We always hear about the mommy village helping out people you can call to like help you with the kids or help give you support village.
Speaker 3:I mean, yeah, my mom, because you know I can go there. It's like my second home. Anyway, take the kids there. If I need somebody else to pick them up, she's able to pick them up, if she can Watch them on the weekends, if me and the wifey want to go, you know, do our thing, you know. So, yeah, that's my village. As far as being, that's good. And then also you know, I have my wife's mom, but she's a nurse too, so you know it's kind of her availability.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, that's my village okay and then so you spend a ton of time like working and with the kids, but it sounds like you different systems. Or is there any time that you feel like there's something that you're doing that okay, this is working, but I want to do it a little better. Or do you have any things like that where you see something that you want to improve on, aside from like I know we talked about like the time, the balancing and things like that but certain expectations that you have for yourself, like do you have certain expectations that you feel like sometimes you you haven't met them yet?
Speaker 3:yeah yeah, yeah, I do. Um, there are certain things I still got. You know, some life goals that I'm trying to get to, um, that that have kind of had to take a back seat, uh, in certain areas, but we're gonna get there. Uh, their family goals as well. Um, you know me and my wife has goals that we're trying to reach. So I try to be goal oriented, even with my children, like every aspect of my life. I try to have a, not necessarily have a plan, because you know you got to be able to wing it too, uh, but also have a, you know, an end game or or someone where you're trying to get to. So, you know, my oldest daughter, of course, is graduating, is going to college, and she wants to be a, like a labor nurse or something like that okay, uh getting her through that process, working her through that so she, she could reach hers.
Speaker 3:My, my nine-year-old was in third grade so she really was struggling with the testing this year. Uh, dealing with that, getting her tutor, you know, promising her it, hey, you'll get this, you read every night. You know her individual goal and how that works. And that's an area I definitely improve on because I got to find her a good tutor. Okay.
Speaker 3:But that fits in with the schedule and then improving, just with my son, just being just remembering to love on him. While I'm giving him that tough love, you know what I'm saying? Just remembering to give him remember to love on him. While I'm giving him that tough love, I'm saying just remember, give him, continue to love on him as well, cuz I came up, you know sad.
Speaker 3:My dad didn't really love on me. My mom did. She was strict to tricking him up and not straight now, though, not strip new, yeah, I just I, I always try to improve, though that's what everything you know I'm saying. Uh, I take that. Uh, I'm always trying to analyze self and and uh and and processes. That's a part of my job too. Uh, operations and processing the city, making sure the department runs a certain way where we'd be more efficient what kind of needs does the community need, from a programming standpoint, activities, what kind of staff fits at this facility? Do I need to switch this person out? Does this person need to go? You know what I'm saying? Budgetary, that's a part of my job too. So, like I said, I'm multitasking. So a lot of things that I do for my career kind of translate into my everyday life about uh analyzing and uh understand being better at processes that you know being more efficient and whatever. It is uh that we're doing. So, yes, I, I think that there are a lot of areas of improvement okay, that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:I feel like when I speak to a lot of moms, I think they get overwhelmed because they just look at the day-to-day and they're kind of stuck in that day-to-day and I've never had anyone on the show talk about like the overall process of how the family is functioning, but I guess I I don't know I I guess maybe the role as, like, the head of the household, as a dad, as a husband, you probably do have to sit back and look at where you guys are as a family as a whole and how you're going to move them forward versus. I have my interviews and I hear a lot of moms, just like they can tell you how to get through the day, like from point a to point b how to get this one to practice and this one to this practice.
Speaker 1:And I had one mom, like when you were talking about spending time with the kids individually, she worked out some kind of schedule, because this kid likes basketball, but this one likes volleyball, so we're gonna do your personal time during your season and this season ends at this time, so that's when you get your personal time and yeah.
Speaker 1:I never hear anyone talk about, I guess, the overall picture and I think it's easy to always hear about moms, the parenting struggles. But even me as a mom, I've never had to think about my family as a whole and like, okay, what is our family goal as a whole and how am I going to move the whole unit forward together? Because I feel like just hearing you saying it I'm like, damn, that's a lot of pressure, like hey, hey.
Speaker 3:But you know, I don't look at it like that, I just look at like uh, you know, when you're on um, I look at it like this. I look like like I'm on top of the tree, okay, like you have a family tree, you have the great, great, great, and you be like oh, such and such and such, and this, and the tree just fans out so I look at it like this is my tree.
Speaker 3:So I, you know I have to see how this tree is going to grow and bloom into a big tree, how we're going to get there with certain things. So my mindset has always been to look at the overall view of things. You know I'm saying so. You know I always. You know my wife may not be like you said.
Speaker 3:She might be day to day she's nursing, all she works at the VA. She comes home and she's just, sometimes she just you know, saying she'll eat and she's going to sleep. You know, and I talked to her about her balance, I'd be like, hey man, hey, I understand not, but you got you know that you, you, you're a wife and a mom too now right, you know what I'm saying. You're just working. Every day I get it, but you know.
Speaker 3:So that's a whole another conversation but, um, I think that the overall picture, man, you gotta, you just gotta have those goals set for each child, for the family, for yourself, but they all got to kind of come together in that tree, you know. They all got to kind of make sense together because if I want to be a rapper and go on tour, does that really kind of fit and where my family kind of is right now right and what we're trying to do.
Speaker 3:You know I'm saying, um, so it's like, okay, if I love that industry, then I got to find a way where I could probably still be in the industry but still make it make sense to my family, right, because, you know, everything got to kind of, when you start families, man, you, you can't be so much about self, so much, uh, because you started the family, like you know, I'm the reason they're here, right, I'm the reason they are here. So I can't, you know, forget that. You know I brought them here, so guide them and lead them. You know, I feel like that's a part of being a man in the house just leading the family and making sure that everyone sees that big picture and not necessarily when wifey gets so frustrated, to be able to, you know, be able to talk with logic. Well, you know, yeah, that was a day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, you know they only gave you too many patients. I get it, damn I get it. But guess what? Tomorrow is this? You know what I'm saying you know, what at the end of the month. You know we're going here and you know I got a trip to belize. You know we're going to belize in four months. Right, we can. You know I'm saying you know what at the end of the month?
Speaker 2:you know we're going here and you know, I got a trip to belize.
Speaker 3:You know we're going to belize in four months. Right, we can. You know I'm saying, and just try to look at the bigger picture, what's coming up, to get past what's happening right now. But we get caught up in the day-to-day so much man, you're gonna be stressed out every day. Yeah that's why we got the show you gotta got to have something to look forward to. You feel me. So you know, I really I'm really big on that.
Speaker 1:That's cool, I like that. Look, now you're giving me some ideas, because usually when I say I get swallowed up in the day to day like homework, teachers, emails, work, this, that and the third. And and sometimes I look at my husband he'll wake up five o'clock in the morning like, see, you're going to the gym and I'm like how like how, like I'm still trying to recover from yesterday and he just like, when the sun come up, like he's back from the gym.
Speaker 1:Protein shape like all right, let's go and I'm like how does that, how all of this stuff just happened this week and you just getting up and going to the gym and he kind of like yeah, yeah, because you know what ain't nothing you can do about yesterday.
Speaker 3:I guess you know what I'm saying ain't nothing you can do about yesterday I guess, yeah, you ain't nothing you can do about that.
Speaker 3:Like every day, every day is just a new day. You know, saying I live by this model, that I don't. Of course you got to know the days of the week, but I don't believe in the days of the week money Tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday Because that puts you in a different mindset too when you think about weeks. So you say Monday off man, damn Monday, you gotta go to work, I got the blues. So you say Monday oh man, damn Monday, you got to go to work, I got the blues, I got the Monday blues. And then you got hump day on Wednesday. And then you got Friday. It's like, oh, the weekend. And then you mad on Sunday, so damn, I got to go to work tomorrow.
Speaker 3:So I try not to. I try not to think like that, I just try to. Another day, it's another day, it's another opportunity to do something. So make the best of the day. It's a new day. Nothing you can do about yesterday. What happened yesterday, that happened yesterday. Unless you know how to time travel, you can go back right you know I'm saying and, like I said, doesn't mean you.
Speaker 3:You know you just move on. That's not what it is. It's just that you can remember yesterday but you don't have to live in. Just move on. That's not what it is. It's just that you can remember yesterday, but you don't have to live in yesterday.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm saying that, you know, I guess that's what it is. I think is living in yesterday or what happened earlier yesterday still got you mad.
Speaker 3:Yes, email me that. I can't believe what they're saying all caps.
Speaker 1:You see that then? You have to unpack it with your girlfriend so you relive it all over again. Yeah. If you're talking to your mom about it, like now. You got to tell your mama and your sister about it. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3:It's okay to reflect, but you know you can't do that Move on. Yeah. Yeah, that's like with emotional intelligence you know what you know you can't move on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's like with emotional intelligence, you know, I'm saying it's just okay, so, so what are some of the rewards that you've experienced as a parent? What, what reward? What rewards have you experienced so far as a parent?
Speaker 3:man. I mean, like you said, my daughter just graduated high school. That was you, that was. That was a great reward. I think that it's just rewarding to see them happy, see them happy and healthy. You know, I thank God for that every day. And just to see them get past a little accomplishments. To see my son, you know, get potty trained, finally go pee pee in the potty. Like it's the small things to me. You know what I'm saying? Um, small things to me, just make me happy, you know. To see, you know, learning to ride a bike or or um writing in cursive, when they, you know, they don't really teach cursive that's huge yeah, yeah, and my daughter getting a paycheck and first paycheck and uh, you know just different things like that I have.
Speaker 1:I have wins every day, man, I find a win every day multiple wins every day I like that and I think that helps to keep things in perspective as well. Um, if you can identify those wins every day, then the setbacks are not as big. They don't matter as much, because you have some positives and you have some wins that you kind of keeping in your pocket, you know keeping track of. So that's good. Um, what's your philosophy as a dad and what advice would you give to other dads?
Speaker 3:uh, my philosophy as a dad, um, be there, be present, that's um, that's my philosophy always be present. I think it's very important that your kids see that that you there, not just that you, you know, provide on the back end, but to see you and know that you're there, that you took time to actually be present in a lot of their moments. And that's just my philosophy, right there. Be present. To other dads, I would say same thing. To other dads, I would say, um, same thing, uh, you find time to be present there for the kids, because if you're out there, a great provider, and you're working 100 hours, 130, 50 hours, but your kids never see you, even though you might have provided them a nice life, it's gonna come moments and they're gonna be like they're gonna, they're gonna, you know, like you ain't do a damn thing for them, you know but you wasn't there at the game.
Speaker 3:You wasn't there. You know I'm saying when the tooth came out or uh, different little things that they remember. Because the only reason why I say that, because I hold on to those things, I just not. Like I said, talking to my uh therapist, I just I got over certain things. I used to hold that to my dad because my dad, my dad himself, was uh around but not around uh. So it was difficult for me to understand why he wasn't at certain things. And when I got older and I got my own family that I understood better why he probably wasn't around uh, and a lot of that resentment I kind of let off of but, as a coming up as a teenager and and things like that.
Speaker 3:I resented him a lot for not just for simply not being- there. I didn't know what was going on in the background with him and my mom. You know I'm saying I, you know I wasn't previewed that because I, you know.
Speaker 1:I was you know a kid, yeah, kids place, yeah, so.
Speaker 3:I don't know what was going on. You know I'm saying, but he wasn't there and I, you know, as a man, I hold him to that, like you didn't have to rock with my mom. But you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Like you could have came to that you know yeah that would have meant a lot to me, uh, but, like I said, I understand better now that I'm older and I have my own, so I understand. I'm not saying that I don't and I don't have no resentment to blame him, but coming up, yeah, that was a big thing for me, like well, I think even now, um, just how you were talking about living in South Florida, the economy, finances, everything is getting more expensive.
Speaker 1:The price of stuff is not going down, prices keep going up, salaries are staying the same. So I think for men and women and parents in general, now parents are like in a predicament where they probably have to work multiple jobs. So just something like you said, being present. It's almost becoming like a luxury to be present because financially, can you be present, like can you afford to be present, or do you have to now work a second job to kind of fill in the gap with that income? And that's even, I think, single parents. Of course they're probably feeling it a lot more and a lot sooner than we are. But even right now, with a two parent household, is still like, ok, what's what's next? Like we, like you said, we people like we only have one kid, because financially I just can't see how people are doing it with multiple.
Speaker 3:I don't know how you guys, y'all, y'all are like making magic happen, because it's not easy, but you know, the craziest thing about that is would, that being said, if you're not present right at certain moments and we know all this to be fact because we're adults talking here- mm-hmm you know, I'm saying we understand that and, like I said, I'm gonna mention my dad. When I got older I understood better you know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:But I've seen a lot of parents, you know, be hurt, man, you know, and it's not to their fault. They get hurt because of how their kids, what some of the things their kids are saying, based on not knowing that, hey, man, I'm out here busting my tail so you can go to this school or provide for you so you can get those shoes that you want, so you can get those clothes, and you're gonna tell me I don't care about you, right, because I didn't come to your dairy rock game. Yeah, I had to work. I told you I had to work. They don't understand that reason. Yeah, you get what I'm saying. Yeah, so it can be very hurtful on the parent. It's's hard Because you can go back home, you be like Dad, you might cry yourself to sleep, like that. I can't believe my son, who I do all this for, told me you don't care. How can he say that? Yeah, because he's in the kid's mindset.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true, or I think, for me. They don't get that. Or I think for me, like now that you say it, I'm thinking back, like Reflecting on me and my son, with him being In middle school. Sometimes I will tell him that with his Behavior, like you're gonna act Like that and you see how me and your dad, how hard we work, we do this, we do that, and he kind of like. I just wanted to play the game. Yeah, yeah, like I take it To heart like you didn't take take a shower.
Speaker 1:You didn't get the homework done because you playing a game like you know how disrespectful that is. How hard we work so you can have that game in the internet and yes, you're not gonna take a shower.
Speaker 3:They don't feel it like god damn why I throw you through the water you of, like because I didn't get off the game.
Speaker 1:Like, yes, because you didn't to me it makes sense. But now you like you saying, like it's a kid, I forgot about that part. Like, yeah, I, I forgot about that part. But it's like, yeah, you, you try to do all these things, you try to juggle and get yourself through the day. So when your kids don't fall in line with the plan, like yeah, you, that's like that straw that breaks the camel's back. Like, yeah, have you lost your mind?
Speaker 3:yeah, yeah, you hot with jit, but jit really don't. He don't know right, and you try your best to get him to understand but it just don't hit. It will when they get older, but you know that's time, yeah, that takes time. When they become adults, yeah, they'll say man, ma, you know they get up there do their speeches. Yeah, you know I gotta thank my mom, my dad.
Speaker 3:You know they work so much to get me appreciated and you be like you Sacrifice so much but in the moment, madam, just okay, they won't what they want and they think that you you know what I'm saying is on you. They're going to blame you. That's just the shoes that we put on every day. We try to walk in as best we can, but yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think this particular day he wanted to. I guess my reaction didn't match to him, like why is she so mad? So he came back like I was in a tournament. I can't leave the team If I leave the team they're going to die, they're going to. I don't care about If I said take a shower he like, but I always have to go to the gym to leave. Like I'm always abandoning the team, I can't leave the team and we're not gonna get to the next level.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and kind of just hearing you say it like it's a kid, they don't care. I'm like, oh, he was trying to explain, like I'm gonna do it, but let me, can we get to the next level so I don't have to leave the team you got me out here bending the team.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So we're trying to get, we're trying to get through it now. But I think me and dad are just in that mindset. You know, we come home from work and it's like all right, we got to do this, we got to do that, we got tutoring, we got homework, we got to and we still, we still want him to have that downtime. I think we're trying to also teach him about work-life balance, because he has between, like, say, this year he didn't play basketball at all.
Speaker 1:This year this was his first year of middle school and just we wanted to focus on getting him adjusted to like now you have six classes, you got six different teachers, you got your own responsibilities plus now you got to go to tutoring and because you get out of school so late, he doesn't even get home until five o'clock. He rides the bus so he doesn't make it here till five o'clock. So after after that, you still got to go to tutoring. If another teacher that you don't get tutored for gave you homework, you got to take care of your homework. The kids have these computers and these Chromebooks they got to take to school every day.
Speaker 1:You got to charge up all your stuff. Like you don't have a lot of time in the evening to chill out and game of time in the evening to chill out and game. But if you stay on your schedule you might get an hour of gaming in by the end of the day. And he is just like y'all keep telling me all this stuff to do, like is is cutting into my game time and we're like no we're trying to give you game time if you follow the schedule, like if you get all your stuff done, you could be done with everything by 8 o'clock.
Speaker 1:Bedtime is 9 o'clock. That means you can have a whole hour of gaming if you just knock this stuff out. Yeah and so that has been the battle with us. But I think we've been Trying to respect his boundaries and like his interest, because I think for the two of us it's like work, work, work right, and then I think we both kind of realized like well, that's not a good example.
Speaker 1:We gotta have some down time and some time to relax because he's watching right. So with him watching, he needs to see us. Yeah, we work, but we also play. We have a good time. We need to take a vacation so he can see like what are we doing all this hard work for? Because normally I'm like if I do have a free weekend, I'm like, oh, let's enjoy the mortgage, like let's sit in the house, let's enjoy these lights.
Speaker 1:We got lights, we got water let's enjoy that so is is. It's a work in progress, for sure, but I love just hearing like, oh, that's a kid, because that's the furthest thing from my mind when you like, thinking about being a provider, thinking about giving them everything that they need, like it's a kid. I don't want to hear that. But yeah, the priorities are definitely different.
Speaker 1:So what advice do you wish you had been given sooner, like parenting advice. Is there any parenting advice you wish you would you had been given sooner, like parenting advice? Is there any parenting advice you wish you would have had a lot sooner?
Speaker 3:Daughters, some information on raising daughters. I wish somebody would have told me about the, the mood changes and the attitudes and you know how to deal with that and not flip back like and shut down because I don't. You know all that spicy attitude and all that man. Hey man, I, I'm daddy and I ain't with that. You know, I ain't feeling how to deal with that. Yeah, I wish somebody would have gave me. So they told me that how, um, you know the daughters are gonna have, but yeah, maybe they did tell me they ain't.
Speaker 3:It wasn't specific. Maybe they did say, hey, you having that little girl now, yeah, she daddy's girl. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, all right. Okay, yeah, you're right, but not really be specific on what that means, but my daddy having a daddy's girl. How that's gonna affect me. I'm really gonna be at the beck and call yeah of a five-year-old or three-year-old, or seven eighteen-year-old. Yeah, I'm gonna be at the beck and call of them oh, it doesn't end, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it voluntarily.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm gonna do it voluntarily, without even knowing yeah, my husband wants a daughter and I'm like, are you sure like it's, it's different, yeah, and it's not gonna stop, because when she starts really starts dating seriously dating, like whatever guy she's dating, she's gonna hold them to that standard like well, my daddy did this well, my daddy did this well, my dad, so that it's like a whole nother layer.
Speaker 1:But I always tell people to be completely honest having those reactions, having those emotional reactions with your kids, like we're human too, so it's giving them a chance to see. You know, sometimes kids will put us on a pedestal. We are their superheroes. But when they push certain boundaries and we give them certain emotional reactions, it's like, hey, I'm human, so you can't. You can't push those buttons with me, because you're gonna get a reaction.
Speaker 1:Or yeah so I think it's about balance as well, not just overreacting all the time, but letting them see like shoot, I'm human, I'm a work in progress. Look, I'll work on it next time. We may not not see eye to eye and sometimes we're going to have to agree to disagree and you know we'll circle back around and we'll try to figure something out. But it's nothing wrong with that. We're human and I tell that to parents.
Speaker 1:I do parent coaching for, like parents of younger kids and I even tell them the same thing, because with the little ones I think people just want to be careful. They want to do everything with kit gloves and I'm like, well, it's a way to teach the little ones too. Hey, for every action there's a reaction, so oh, absolutely don't don't keep them in that bubble.
Speaker 1:Let them see it with you so they kind of have a heads up if they're dealing with other people outside of family. If you do something a certain way, you might get a reaction that you don't like. So be careful. So it's, it's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 3:Um, yeah, I think that go ahead I think that with the daughters, with the daughters too, and another thing that I learned advice I would. I would have I just kind of learned this. It's uh, almost like when they have the daughter and they're dating and stuff like that. And uh, and I'm trying to be better with my younger one as she grows up, not for them to be so, um, like depending on the things that I do as daddy, because I think that in some ways, when they do get older and they start dating, like it's hard to hold a man and say, oh, my dad took care of that, my daddy is my daddy, dad, my daddy.
Speaker 3:But this new generation, it's almost like I also have to teach my daughter like to understand like how a man operates, like in a way where where the man don't have to do everything for you, there's some things you can do to help the man out, and having her do that with me, to kind of get her to understand that you're at the end game. Here we go with the big picture you're, you're a partner. You know what I'm saying. So, like, if you want this young man to be your daddy, he's not going to be me, you know what I'm saying because I created you.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I'm gonna show up at three in the morning and change a tire in the rain, you know, and do stuff like that, and, yes, you do want a man that's able to do that.
Speaker 3:But that was just a example there, but but you also want to be able to be productive in your relationship yourself and not when you're dating someone. They're not your dad, they're your partner. It's a difference. So, yeah, you want to be like me, from maybe, from like a foundational. You know characteristic perspective, but not the relationship. You know characteristic perspective but not the relationship. You know what I'm saying. The relationship don't need to be that, and I think when we get older, sometimes daddy issues with women work both ways. It's almost like, oh yeah, their dad wasn't there and they're one way because they never had a dad in their life, and then you have another daddy issue because their dad was too much in their life and you and you dealing with that.
Speaker 3:It's like, well, just call your daddy, I'm gonna fix the toilet. You go to work, you come home, daddy, and they're fixing it. It's like what, god? No, babe, I said I was gonna fix it, daddy just came. You know what I'm saying. So it's like that could call coffee in the house. Same thing with a mom you know what I'm saying. Like that's true, mom in there cooking. You know, same way mothers are with their kids, dads are like that in the same way, how women, you know, look at the moms and be like he's just a mama's boy. Yeah, I can't get over that. His mama coming for me and deal with that too. Oh, she's a daddy's girl. Her dad come before me. God, no right, bro, like her daddy is a daddy that I eat, your daddy, you know. So it's a balance, you and being able to teach that to the kids.
Speaker 1:So I want to ask About your contact information. Yeah if listeners want to follow you on social media or get in touch with you, say if they want to do some events or have some questions, how can they get in touch with you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm available on Facebook Prentice Carter the mayor on Facebook and I have two Facebooks, If it's depending on what you're trying to get in contact. But I have my page with my name, Princess Moby, on Facebook and then I have my other Facebook which is more of an entertainment style side. It's just Princess Cutter the Mayor, and then on Instagram, on mayorkingcutter. On Instagram I have a talk tick, but I don't be on top ticket like that.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:But um, yes, the same thing is America okay, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:so I'll be sure to add that those handles to the visuals and the graphics that we put out for this episode, and I just wanted to say thank you so much for your time. I really enjoyed this interview. It was very insightful. I really enjoyed getting the dad perspective. So thank you for that. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thanks for having me. I like what you're doing here. This is good conversation, thank you.
Speaker 1:I appreciate it. Hey everyone, it's your favorite BCBAD here, dr DeLoren, and I'm here to ask you to help us continue making great content for listeners everywhere by visiting wwwforshittymomscom, where you can make a monthly contribution. Where you can make a monthly contribution. Also, visit us on Instagram, youtube, facebook and TikTok at 4shittymoms and that's shitty, with an X, not an I.